How to behave at parties

[shyperson]

I am nearly 50 and am not shy in all situations, just when it comes to socialising. I never know what to say and either come across as very dull, quite weird or possibly manic when my mouth runs away with me due to nerves.
I just never know what to talk about and feel so self-conscious.
I recently joined a sports club and the 50th anniversary is planned for March. I am dreading it.
I just don't socialise with people I hardly know but would actually like to.
Any tips from other shy or previously shy people who have managed to overcome this?
What do you talk about? How do you mingle? I feel like a bit of an idiot wtiting this. 😦

Following, need some tips too! I’m the same OP, I think a lot of people are but nobody wants to admit it, so we just feel alone with this problem

You could be right, but some people seem to be so confident.
Fingers crossed some born-again socizl butterflies will be along soon to enligjten us!
Thanks for the solidarity ☺

There's a brilliant online course called Charisma University, made by the two men who do the Charisma on Command videos on YouTube. Have a look at the YT videos first as they cover a huge number of social situations, how to relax and be yourself, while being appropriate and interesting. How to deal with different scenarios, how to tell stories. I found the paid course brilliant, but you might get enough from watching their videos.

let us know how you get on!

1. Remember, no one else will be as aware of your awkwardness as you are.

1. Many people feel the same as you, but (just like them), you have no idea.

1. People are often glad for someone who comes across as a bit 'manic' as it takes the pressure off them for a while.

1. It's okay not to engage too deeply in conversation, nodding and smiling in group conversation is often enough.

1. Ask people questions , many people like talking about themselves, and you might find out something interesting... Nice neutral questions are good, things like 'how do you know the host?', 'how did you get here today?', 'I've just started thinking about the summer holidays, are you going away this year?'...

1. It is fine to make idle smalltalk about what you see around you 'oh they've done a great job of decorating', 'ooh I love a buffet'... Just boring smalltalk, which I hate, but is a nice, gentle opener to a conversation.

Thank you for the YT recommendation, PeppermintPatty10. I will definitely check the free resources out.

Todaynotalways thank you for that very helpful list.
I do try to make small talk but it often leads nowhere. Maybe you're right and it's because the people I meet are just as useless as me?

I can definitely work on the questions angle. I actually have to do something similar in my job so could think of it as an extension of something I know I can do and am good at.

And I suppose laughing at other people's jokes is far better than trying to make my own.

Off to check out YT...

I think its important to have good eye contact rather than just look at people's faces.

Don’t worry about what you have to say, ask questions and show interest in the answers. Try to find common ground. Look for things to compliment, what someone is wearing, their eyes, hair, even smell! Everyone loves a compliment, and they’ll probably tell you some details about what you’ve mentioned, and the conversation can flow from there. Good luck. Once you stop worrying about what you have to say, and wonder instead about the interesting people you’ll meet, I’m sure you’ll have a great time. Practice in the meantime.

I just get really, really pissed and think I’m hilarious.

I’ll get my coat.

Just another idea, do you have a trusted friend whose advice you could ask? I think it's really helpful to ask people who know you, and ask - what am I doing wrong, what am I doing right? Someone who has been out with you and might be able to point to some specific things that you're not doing. I appreciate that is difficult to ask for and hear this kind of advice though!

You're 50. No need to go to parties if you don't like them. 😉

Sorry, saw you're actually only 49. You still have to go to parties until you're 50. Suck it up and follow the great advice above! 🤣

I read once always ask people what they did on the last bank holiday / holiday season, or the next one coming as there’s usually one either just been or around the corner. Usually they’ll say something that will then prompt another question.

But why go if you don’t fancy it? If you want to, just focus on whether you like or find interesting the person you’re talking to — the people who worry about how they’re coming across to others are coming at things from the wrong angle.

Just pick someone with a friendly face and ask questions. People really do love to talk about themselves!

Pretend you're acting in a movie. The scene is a sedate party and you are one of the minor characters, whose role is to mingle and seem interested in other people.