Feeling cross and short tempered all the time

[Cluelessat33]

Help! I feel short tempered and cross pretty much all the time.

I'm 33, a single parent, separated from my ex during covid. The last few years have been hard. But I was hoping things would start to improve. But now I just feel cross and impatient all the time. I do my best to be calm with my daughter, but just feel like I use up all of my patience and have none with anything else. Everything annoys me. The slightest inconvenience and a can feel the anger building in me. I haven't always been like this.

Sometimes I just feel totally overwhelmed. The stress at work last year was extreme and at one point I really felt on the edge of some sort of breakdown. Things have improved somewhat as it's generally quiet at this time of year, but my mood doesn't seem to have.

I feel exhausted all the time. I get quite a lot of headaches. I'm generally active as I need to walk my dogs. I'm on the coil if that has any bearing. I generally eat pretty well. Probably drink too much coffee, don't drink much alcohol.

Sometimes I just feel like someone wants something from me all the time and I can't fulfil everyone's needs and it stresses me out. If it's not my daughter it's work, if it's not work it's the dogs, or the cats or my family. No different to everyone else though I'm sure. I feel like for 5 years or so I've been living in crisis mode. Post natal depression, marriage breakdown, covid, selling the house, buying a new one, adjusting to being a single parent, increasing financial worries. And I feel like things should be improving and actually they aren't.

What can I do to help myself. I've tried going to my GP, but Talking Therapies has been no help at all.

Do you need all those pets? Sorry to sound blunt.

Counselling is no good for single parent issues you need to somehow find single parent friends as nobody else will have anyclue.

Not really the most helpful first comment 🙄

You probably are in survival mode. And exhausted. Understandably so. You're having a natural reaction to your circumstances over the last few years.

Are there things you enjoy doing, or used to enjoy? Making some small adjustments to your life could help. Does your ex have your child some days?

I've found oil of evening primrose helps me (also heard good things about agnus castus and St John's wort), do check if any are suitable though as they can affect contraception

I had a single parent friend who gave up all her pets. Honestly it is just adding work.

I am a single parent with pets and giving them up would break me.

We're quite similar OP, I am 35, separated early in covid, have one daughter who is now 5, a stressful full time job, pets. I found myself feeling irritable and losing my patience.

I've spent the last year or so reading a lot of gentle parenting books, i take magnesium before bed for a good sleep, take multivitamins, try to get some exercise in whenever i can, often my lunch break, and i use every opportunity like boiling the kettle, waiting for tea to cook etc to do some small housework tasks to help me keep on top of things. It's all helped immensely without taking up masses of time that i simply don't have.

@Zippedydoo123 I'm not sure what you suggest I do with 2 elderly cats and dogs. The animals have been with me for good and bad. And frankly it's more my issues than them. Naturally they need things from me. I took them on with my ex husband and ended up with them all because he didn't want them. But I fought tooth and nail to keep us all together when I moved. Dumping them on a rehoming charity is simply not an option.

It sounds quite normal for a working single parent I'm afraid. It's endless and the stress snowballs flowers.

@Worriere we do sound very similar. My daughter is almost 5. I will look into some if the remedies you've suggested.

I've had cats my whole life, and those guys keep me sane. Getting rid of them all particulalrly the dogs) would help with the extra work of walking and cleaning, but it wouldn't help with feelings of loneliness. And I inherently disagree with the idea of rehoming.

I've had mine for 10 years. They've seen me through thick and thin and they are a lot of work now but i could never get rid.

Hi OP, this is exactly how my PND presented. I ignored it for years feeling ashamed I could cope. I went on fluoxetine antidepressants and felt so much better. I don't take it any more and do find myself irritable frequently but I acknowledge it will pass. A cup of tea and some quiet, a walk, blasting out some music and singing along all help. I'm a single patent of 3 and it's bloody hard work

You’re overwhelmed because your life is overwhelming! You have a lot of stressors and therefore I think it’s very normal to feel the way you are. What’s your support circle like, do you have good friends who you can lean on? Also, what’s your sleep like?

@Sammysquiz I'm not great at going to bed early. Once I've done dinners and cleared up, and then had a quiet half hour or so, its later than it should be.

Are you a teacher / do you work with children by any chance? Just asking as I started feeling like this and realised it was the job 😬

But, you have a lot on your plate aside from work. If there's anything you can do to lessen your workload I would do that and also see the GP in case they can help

@Moomoomeemee no I do work with children. But there has been a lots of extra work added to my plate over the last year or so. And my boss is hard work. However I love the team I work with, who have kept me going over the last few years, so its difficult to know what the right thing to do is. Particularly as my difficult boss is leaving later on this year.

Your life sounds incredibly busy and it’s such hard work being a single parent doing it all. It’ll get a bit easier as your daughter gets older but in the meantime I think you need to cut yourself some slack. Something’s got to give and it doesn’t need to be your sanity (as a counsellor said to E when I was in a similar situation). Can you get a bit of help from other mums with play dates etc? Can you afford a cleaner once a week?
also don’t rule out antidepressants- they can help you over your current feelings and you don’t have to be stuck on them forever. Don’t listen to the people saying get rid of your pets! You’re doing a great job x

Sounds like sleep deprivation to me. Are you boozing too much too? I have felt sooo much better since a few days into starting my annual January ‘reset’ (no booze, less sugar, lots of yoga).

Oh sorry seen you mentioned not much alcohol. Maybe try cutting out coffee for a month and see if that makes a difference?

People like you annoy me! Pets are not disposable

As a single/lone mum with cats and dogs a cleaner if you can afford it made the world of difference to me. An hour a week or fortnight just to clean bathrooms and bedrooms took a big weight off of me.

I've had this OP and understand. It sounds like you're tired. I know it sounds crazy but I think I was also susceptible to high blood sugar levels. Everything nowadays is loaded with sugar and I used to get really low sugar dips and feel really starving. It was only when I cut out added sugar, not fruit and naturally sweet foods but sugary breakfast cereals and chocolate biscuits my mood stabilised and I now feel better and although I work with 2 children I can control my mood more.

I found changing my diet really hard and believe I was addicted to sugar. Do you think this might be an underlying cause?

@Monkeyrules I don't know. Quite possibly. I'm usually pretty good at cooking from scratch. I don't really drink fizzy drinks, mainly just water . But then like most I've been less good with all that over Christmas and got into a habit of eating chocolate. I've not really considered diet but will be more careful going forward.

I'd suggest having your hormones checked. Honestly what you're describing sounds very much to me like peri menopause symptoms that I've experienced, especially the headaches and those feelings of anger and irrational frustration.

If you already eat a healthy diet then maybe its not that however keeping a food diary can be a good way of seeing if your mood relates to your diet. I guess it depends whether this is a recent thing or not which might help you find the cause or if it started with a specific event in your life.

Lack of sleep can be likened to mental illness. It ensures a lack of ability to cope. It exasperates everything. I am you, until I get a bit more sleep. Please make it a priority. Let your body and mind reset x