I suspect I know the right thing to do, but...

[Redblanky]

I'm not sure I want to. I don't like myself for it but also don't need any complications right now.

I've been a member of a sports club forever. When DH died they were amazing support and I found myself assimilated into a group of middle aged (like me) single people who socialise outside of the club too. It's been a real lifeline for me. I appreciate them as a group and have formed some good friendships too.

Recently a man who separated from his wife has joined outer little band of misfits. He didn't cope well initially, didn't get out of bed for 3 weeks, but gradually he started coming back to club and came out with us a few times.

At Christmas he gave some of us OTT gifts with quite gushing cards about how important we were to him.

I last saw him at an event in NYD. He seemed OK. Since then he hasn't been to club, no one has seen or heard from him, he hasn't replied to anything on our group chat.

I know I should make a point of contacting him individually (or someone should) but knowing of his clingyiness and over sentimentality, I'm a bit scared to give him the wrong idea. That probably seems unlikely from what I've said here, but I think he is someone who would cling onto and read too much into any friendship shown.

Wwyd?

Is there another Male in the group who could contact him or make it a group effort?

Could you organise a group card or flowers to be sent to him? That way you're just one a number

Id suggest a group what app, and putting his number in there, then you can message him through the group, and its public and not less open to misinterpretation. Even if you dont have a complete group whataapp, you can make a small group, and just say you are going to invite everyone into it, but have not done so yet ( but make sure you then do!)

Is there a male in the group or a non single female who could do the contacting?

I take your point but I don't think it gives the wrong idea to send someone a textmessage or pop in a card saying "we haven't seen you at 'sports club' for a week or so and were all hoping to know that everything was well, let one of us know if you need anything' or similar.

Otherwise, as others have said, if you feel particularly uncomfortable about it then see if there's an adjacent male or the head of the club available to do a welfare check in.

The turning of the new year can be difficult for so many, I would be worried he'd come to harm so would just check in. If he takes that at something else (not sure why you would) then it isn't as though it needs to be entertained.

I think someone needs to check he's ok, if not you, someone else.

Why not send a quick message saying "we're all wondering how you are?"

Emphasis on the 'all'!!