Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Don't enjoy taking DS to soft plays/play groups

26 replies

hollyjolls · 12/01/2023 11:15

DS is 15 months old. He is with my mum 2 days a week and a childminder once a week (soon to be 2 days a week with childminder). My mum always takes him to playgroups/soft plays and they both really enjoy it. He also goes to a playgroup with the childminder. I personally really don't enjoy it, I have the intention of going but when it comes to it I dread it and feel anxious about going however do force myself sometimes. I feel like I'm not making the most of my days off with him if we just spend the afternoon running errands instead and that he will prefer spending times with others. Does anyone else feel like this? Should I continue to push myself to go to these things? I'm increasing my hours in a few weeks to 4 days a week so conscious that I'm not doing enough for him on my days off.

OP posts:
TeenDivided · 12/01/2023 11:20

If he is doing playgroups / softplay 3 times a week that is fine. You can do other things with him.
'Running errands' can be fun if you interact with him whilst doing them.
Then there is the playpark or feeding ducks, swimming.
Then playing with sand / water, finger paints, music snuggles, stories.
Variety is what will help him thrive.

123woop · 12/01/2023 11:20

At 15 months old, I too found it incredibly dull (and honestly a bit of a waste of money) doing things like that! She was much happier doing the food shop with me, or going for a trip to the playground when I had to go to the post office! If you don't like it, don't do it. When they're older it's a lot easier as they can go off and play and you can have 5 minutes to yourself 😂

FlounderingFruitcake · 12/01/2023 11:23

123woop · 12/01/2023 11:20

At 15 months old, I too found it incredibly dull (and honestly a bit of a waste of money) doing things like that! She was much happier doing the food shop with me, or going for a trip to the playground when I had to go to the post office! If you don't like it, don't do it. When they're older it's a lot easier as they can go off and play and you can have 5 minutes to yourself 😂

Couldn’t agree more!!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

1 year olds Behaviour & development Childcare & nursery Families
WandaWonder · 12/01/2023 11:23

Even my child hated soft play centres, well we went once and none of us could work what on earth was going on so we never went back

I liked play groups as I could sit and have a coffee in peace, and a chat or not

Pr1mr0se · 12/01/2023 11:28

I agree soft play / playgroups can be incredibly dull if there's no structured play involved such as singing a few nursery rhymes. At their age though they enjoy being with you and the variety of a trip out of the house. Interact and point out the things you see along the journey. Can you check whether there is anything on at a library or sports centre or other local centre for pre-schoolers? Variety might help you both.

Original poster
hollyjolls · 12/01/2023 11:33

Good suggestion about feeding the ducks, he absolutely loves birds at the moment and we always stand at the window to watch them and when I point to them he laughs his head off. My local park with a duck pond doesn't allow feeding them but I'm going to have a think of where else we I can take him to feed the ducks or maybe have a walk down the beach this afternoon. I wouldn't mind structured classes so much but they're very expensive here but agree I find playgroups dull. It doesn't help that last time we went to a playgroup together a little boy pushed him over and stamped on his hand Hmm

OP posts:
Dutchesss · 12/01/2023 11:34

Playgroups are a great way to meet other parents. Once I had those friendships the playgroups were a lot less dull and good for my social life too.

mindutopia · 12/01/2023 11:34

They really are awful, especially at that age. 15 months honestly is so little that they aren't interacting with other children in any meaningful way. It's really not until they're 2 that they can start to truly play with others. So I really don't even think there is any advantage at this age. Mine was in nursery part of the week at that age, but on our off days, I really never went to any sort of groups. We went for walks, did the food shop, went to the beach, sometimes met friend with/without dc, etc. Nothing formal and organised and rarely any others to play with.

There will come a time in another year or 2 when he will need more social interaction to keep him interested, but I'd enjoy the time you have now just together if that's what you prefer.

Needmorelego · 12/01/2023 11:41

Children need a mix of things like playgroups and doing 'life' things like going to the supermarket/post office/pharmacy.
A trip to the supermarket is full of excitement for a toddler. They learn how they need to behave in a public environment (no running around, no shouting etc). How to talk politely to people like the shop assistants. They also will be learning about different foods and following instructions ("can you get the bananas for mummy please").
So don't think you are 'wasting' your days with him - you are definitely not.
Other things that toddlers seem to love is trips on buses or trains - if you have decent public transport where you live just taking a random bus ride can be fun.

mondaytosunday · 12/01/2023 11:42

Omg play groups and play centres were my idea of hell but my kids loved it so we went every week.
As long as you do something with them it doesn't matter whether it's the local park, or whatever. Something they can exercise and the play centres are good for gross motor skills.

TeenDivided · 12/01/2023 12:01

When my youngest was little she used to like waving at trains so sometimes we went to the station just to do that.

TeenDivided · 12/01/2023 12:04

I'm a bit over-organised, but I used to have a piece of paper with lists of activities under the 'skills development' headings such as fine motor skills, understanding science etc. It helped me ensure I was doing a variety of experiences with the DDs (or they were getting them elsewhere).

BabyFour2023 · 12/01/2023 12:06

WandaWonder · 12/01/2023 11:23

Even my child hated soft play centres, well we went once and none of us could work what on earth was going on so we never went back

I liked play groups as I could sit and have a coffee in peace, and a chat or not

what do you mean “couldn’t work out what was going on” ?

OP try swimming, trampoline parks, painting, sensory tray, trips to farms and zoos instead. Your child is getting plenty of group times on the other days. Use your day with them to do things you enjoy.

Whoneedsleep · 12/01/2023 12:09

I also worry I’m not doing enough with 14m old DD.

The mums around me seem to be doing an activity or playgroup a day but to be honest I can’t afford it and I have so much other stuff to do!

It’s my New Years resolution to do more though.

TeenDivided · 12/01/2023 12:12

Whoneedsleep · 12/01/2023 12:09

I also worry I’m not doing enough with 14m old DD.

The mums around me seem to be doing an activity or playgroup a day but to be honest I can’t afford it and I have so much other stuff to do!

It’s my New Years resolution to do more though.

Some people like structure and stuff organised for them.
Others prefer a more flexible approach.
Just do what works for you, as long as you are interacting with your LO and giving them variety.

ttcnumber2x · 12/01/2023 12:13

@hollyjolls what do you enjoy doing with him? Can he walk yet if so could you go for a walk in the park or at the beach instead? Or can you plan activities for your day off to do together like painting, messy play, baking?

Agree with PP it sounds like he is already going to a lot of playgroups so I personally wouldn't worry about going on your day together.

inappropriateraspberry · 12/01/2023 12:35

My children enjoyed the supermarket a lot more than soft play! Plus you get some lovely interaction with them when they're sat in a trolley facing you.
Soft play at that age is meaningless, and you don't get to spend good time with them. I just ended up following them around and helping them when they got stuck!

Original poster
hollyjolls · 13/01/2023 13:13

TeenDivided · 12/01/2023 12:04

I'm a bit over-organised, but I used to have a piece of paper with lists of activities under the 'skills development' headings such as fine motor skills, understanding science etc. It helped me ensure I was doing a variety of experiences with the DDs (or they were getting them elsewhere).

This sounds amazing! I wish I was that organised. Can you remember any things that were on the list?

OP posts:
TeenDivided · 13/01/2023 13:22

It was when my DDs were a bit older but things like
Fine motor skills: colouring, threading, maxi hamma beads, cutting, duplo, jigsaws, collages
'Science': cornflour&water, sand, bubbles, water play, building block towers
Gross motor skills: soft play, playground, tricycle
Reading
Imaginative play (left that to DH!)
Counting everything

ReallyShouldBeDoingSomethingElse · 13/01/2023 13:34

I knew while I was pregnant that I wouldn't be able to stand/cope with baby & toddler groups. I find group socialising draining even when I enjoy it and I find lots of noise (especially toddlers, toys being hit etc. in an echo-y village hall).

I had meetups with two mums from my antenatal group so my DD had a chance to 'socialise' with other babies but otherwise I didn't bother. She and I had a lovely time going on long walks, to cafes, visiting places etc. I absolutely loved this phase of our lives.

UsingChangeofName · 13/01/2023 13:36

Needmorelego · 12/01/2023 11:41

Children need a mix of things like playgroups and doing 'life' things like going to the supermarket/post office/pharmacy.
A trip to the supermarket is full of excitement for a toddler. They learn how they need to behave in a public environment (no running around, no shouting etc). How to talk politely to people like the shop assistants. They also will be learning about different foods and following instructions ("can you get the bananas for mummy please").
So don't think you are 'wasting' your days with him - you are definitely not.
Other things that toddlers seem to love is trips on buses or trains - if you have decent public transport where you live just taking a random bus ride can be fun.

This.

UsuallySuze · 13/01/2023 13:41

Does any adult like going to soft play? Especially when they're small and you have to go in with them. Honestly, this was my worst bit of parenting in nearly 2 decades.

It's fine not to do soft play. If you don't like play groups would a more structured activity be easier eg Tumble Tots or Mini Mozart or something?

TBH I think that the time you spent just doing normal life with them is more important than going to bloody soft play, especially of you're chatting about things and engaging with your environment together.

grapehyacinthisactuallyblue · 13/01/2023 13:46

He's already going to play groups/soft play, so I don't think you need to do that with him if you don't enjoy it. There are many things you can do with him.
Like others said, do some craft, read together, watch together, go for walk/playground/shops, etc. Anything is good if you both have good times.

JRsandCoffee · 13/01/2023 13:46

Feel no guilt, you are not alone! I’m in the camp that sees soft play as an over stimulating snot exchange with nil opportunitiy for any kind of educational gain/ nice play whatsoever, but I’m an old grump. Mine came to no harm crawling through the undergrowth, playing with sticks, stones and dogs and retains an excellent ability to make friends and entertain self without the assistance of special equipment. I’d rather spend the money going for nice cake somewhere…….

Scarecrowrowboat · 13/01/2023 13:47

Softplay is a germ ridden sensory overload, I don't know why any adult would actually enjoy going.