Doubts about our future

[Betsiesowner]

Df and I aren’t living together just yet, I’m pregnant with a surprise baby and we’re in the middle of making plans.
Originally we planned to buy a house together local to where I currently live (rented house), as I have a child from a previous relationship and I don’t want them to be uprooted from their school and friends. Df agreed to move here away from his friends and family and has even looked at jobs and been to an interview recently.
His family have put a spanner in the works by telling him that I should be moving closer to him and not the other way around because they want daily contact with the baby. This has made him suggest we buy a house in his area or at least half way to it. I have outright refused. My reasons are justified and not because I don’t like the area or for minor things. I also don’t want to be smothered by his family, we can visit them regularly but not daily. I don’t even want my own family suffocating me.
Im now wondering if we even have a future if he is dragging his heels over his families say so. Is it reasonable of me to suggest that if he is no longer willing to move here to be a family then we should end things or just co parent with the current set up we have?

So it’s ok for him to uproot from family and friends but not you?

Why can’t there be a middle ground?

Can you give him a little longer to fully commit to the plan? It sounds like a big step for him and if there are people in his life interfering it must be a bit of a headfuck. Definitely stick to what you want but be understanding of his concerns and worries about making this big move. Best of luck to you both and congratulations on the baby! X

I wouldn’t be uprooting my oldest child from their school. He knew you had a child so he needs to compromise on where he lives. Your eldest is already adjusting to him in your lives and a new baby.

he sounds quite immature hat he’s allowing his family to influence where he lives.

So his parents being local is more important than my child having a secure childhood? He’s an adult he’s capable of visiting his parents wherever he lives.
im being as patient as possible, but we made plans and he said he was 100% about them before his parents got involved. If I have to find a new property and go alone then so be it, but I’m hurt that his family opinions are more important than our plans.

How long since he was 100% until him saying he had doubts? Did he actually say he had doubts or just relayed their opinions? I agree he should move to you, I just don’t think it should be a final ultimatum, but that depends on how long you have waited too which isn’t clear.

Sounds like it's a big move for him and it's natural to consider different possible options and be influenced by family's opinions. What did he say when you refused?

It was discussed around 6 months ago but we started making real plans when I found out I was pregnant 4 months ago. It’s only this week he’s been suggesting we move to his area as his family told him we should. Prior to that he was happy about moving to us now it seems like he’s having doubts.

I think the fact you already have a child in school, which he was well aware of means he should move to you or you should continue to go out, but not move in together

I completely understand you feeling perturbed but he’s maybe just being open and sharing his thoughts with you, at least he’s communicating. Families are complex! His parents are being selfish and not fully seeing your side of things, if he has a good relationship with them I’m sure he feels under pressure. It’s only a few days and I’m sure he would react better to a supportive reaction from you rather than further pressure. If the relationship is good apart from this blip then give him a chance to work through his emotions with it all.