TW: Eating disorder- She thought I was 7 months pregnant

[SadProse]

Today happens to mark an anniversary for me as I have been struggling with an eating disorder for a while and today marks a significant anniversary in my recovery, so dh had arranged something nice for the evening to mark the occasion as I had an exam this morning.

I am currently on an intense course and in the final stages of training before going onto become a qualified practitioner. A teacher of mine (who is a qualified profession in this field - which is mainly patient facing/working with vulnerable indidivuals) came over after the exam and asked how it went. We have not had much interaction before this but in the brief encounters prior, I have felt she excluded me from conversations but I gave the benefit of doubt. Today's conversation was along the lines of ;

Her: oh you haven't booked a meeting with me yet- please do so asap.
Me: What meeting is that?
Her: looking down and then pointing at my stomach oh you know what I mean
Me: Sorry, I'm not sure I do!
Her: Your risk assessment is delayed, you've gone past 7 months still pointing at my stomach
Me: I think you have me confused with someone else! I'm not pregnant..
Her: Oh right, you just look so much like the other lady who is pregnant in your cohort!
It was a bit awkward after that as I had a few friends around and after a short while I left.

The only similarity between me and the actual pregnant woman she is referring to is that we both wear a similar religious accessory, but other than that we look completely different.

I have put on a healthy amount of weight now (but she did not know me when I was thinner) but I don't believe I look pregnant...let alone 7 months! I have a petite frame but I am still learning to be okay with the weight gain as what I was doing before was unhealthy/verging dangerous. But the comment has just thrown me off and I feel so low. I think the hardest part of the interaction was that she didn't apologize when she was corrected and instead made it worse with her sweeping comment. Also the fact she is working with patients when she is not teaching, so I am sure she has the ability to approach things with more tact!

Dh had planned a lovely afternoon and evening for us and I can for the first time in a while kept thinking about calories and how heavy I feel 😔I just needed to write it down as I didn't want to cry and feel quite embarrassed to talk to anyone about it too.

She’s a bitch ..
I bet your a lot thinner than her and she was trying to put you in your place
( in her head )
don’t give her a second thought
she’s trying to bring u down ,so don’t let her

I'm so sorry this happened to you. This woman is clearly highly unobservant and completely thrown by the fact that the happen to wear the same religious accessory as the pregnant woman. She was totally focussed on that and not looking at your body at all - she was then so embarrassed by her idiotic faux pas that she tried to brush it off! What an idiot!

I've been recoevered from an ED for many years and I know how frgaile those early stages are especially when you are in the weight restoration phase. Please know that this is about her having a very socially inept moment - and not about you or your appearance at all.

You are clearly doing well in your recovery and don't let a stupid moment, which she's probably still cringing inside out about - affect your celebrating your milestone.

Oh you poor thing. She just sounds completely silly and thoughtless (maybe stressed and preoccupied?) and I’m certain she wasn’t implying that you look pregnant.

Well done on your progress. Please enjoy your lovely evening tonight! 💐

Put dog shit on her car door handle.

Joke! 😂

I can sympathize with this entirely and her handling of her error was at best rude and thoughtless, let alone how it may affect somebody in your position.

However reading the dialogue I would be confident in saying that she has made a poorly observed faux pas, handled it very badly, and it had absolutely nothing to do with your physical appearance.

Do not let this get inside your head for a second - I know how loud it can be in there already in this scenario and this altercation is not worth your effort, worry or set-back.

Go and enjoy your lovely evening and focus on your recovery. These small battles are going to be everywhere in different guises - I found learning to bat them off is an important part of the bigger picture.

Massive, massive congratulations on your ongoing recovery and your future qualification x

I dont think she thinks you LOOK pregnant, shes even worse, a bigoted fool that lumps individuals into one group as being interchangable because they wear a headscarf/hat/have brown skin etc. She knows that one of you is pregnant and has never bothered to pay attention to either of you enough to know what ye look like, and being so certain she is correct she isnt even paying attention to your stomach and whether you actually look pregnant, she COULDNT possibly be wrong!
Please dont give her another thought and def dont spoil your anniversary over the thoughtless twit, you have come so far do not be rattled by hwr.

I totally get it as someone recovering from an ED too but I think this nails it. I don't think it's anything to do with you or how you look but her racism/bias showing through.

Thank you so much for your responses. It's been difficult trying to get used to wearing clothes one size up, even though I am in 'proportion' for weight/height ratio, it is difficult to rewire my thoughts into healthy thinking.

I did think it was more ignorant of her to assume - because of a religious accessory, especially as we have different skin colours, height etc. But I think it was because in the moment she paused, looked down at me and kept pointing and going back to it, despite saying nope, not me - it was almost as if I had forgotten I was pregnant! The lack of apologising didn't help and I think because I had a 'weird vibe' from her before (even though it was brief) it felt a little more... personal? Rather than an embarrassing blip.

I held it together and must have looked completely un-phased but thought I would burst into tears when Dh picked me up but he was standing there with flowers and a big grin that I couldn't do it too him. When I told him he was ready to write a complaint 😆but I don't think I'll be doing that.

Thank you for taking the time to respond. I will try to enjoy the evening and take it as a learning curve and as practice for what I may encounter more often as part of the journey in recovery.