The urge to self sabotage at the end of an OU degree

[MissWings]

I am in my final year of my OU degree. I have 4 essays to go until I am finished, and my modules are from the childhood and youth syllabus along with a couple of health and social care/leadership modules. So overall quite worthwhile in terms of job prospects.

It has taken me 7 years to get to this point as I’ve completed 60 credits a year and I deferred during covid, hence it taking quite a while to get to this point.

Problem is I am absolutely hating my final module. I find the content boring and not stimulating. To be totally honest I’ve been waiting 7 years to start enjoying the process and the penny has finally dropped. I’ve not enjoyed any of it, not deep down. It’s been a colossal ballache having academic deadlines over my head. I am early 30s, work and I also have 3 older kids/teens.

I do have a strong urge to self sabotage which would be utterly ridiculous at this point I know. How do I stop being so miserable from now until June? It’s like a black cloud over my head and I just can’t wait to be free of it. Going from all of my current results I am predicted a 1st/2:1 but I fear I’ve already clocked out which will effect my final essay (high weighting).

Is it normal to be this grumpy about the whole thing right at the end? I am sick of it and I can’t wait until June when it’s all over. I had presumed that I would get a sudden burst of energy at this point but I think that’s not going to arrive anytime soon. 😢 Any words of wisdom? Obviously it has been quite isolating doing the degree with the OU.

Very normal I think. You just have to keep your eyes on the prize - it would be madness to drop out now after you’ve put in so much work. I find it helps with academic work to compartmentalise - I set myself hours each week that I’m going to do it and basically try not to think of it outside that time.

Very normal. Final push now, keep going it will be worth it.

I can empathise! When I was drafting my final, double length essay I did wonder why on earth I was putting myself through this. I’m very glad I pressed on, though - do please just grit your teeth and do it - I’m sure you’ll regret it bitterly later if you let all that work go to waste.

I should add that there were parts of my course that I did enjoy, though there were also sections that were like wading through abjectly boring, pointless treacle.

Oh please don’t ruin it, I’m rooting for you! Seriously, I agree with previous poster that this is totally normal. It’s a good realisation to have that it doesn’t interest you, slightly a shame not to have realised before because you probably could have put your credits towards another degree with OU. But this is where you are and we’ve all been there with big decisions.

If you’ve got a final dissertation to write can you tweak things so that you do find your way into your own interests? The final dissertation is kind of the best bit of a degree and likely the only thing you’ll think about later on.

Do you have issues actually sitting down to do it? I’m guessing not since you’ve got this far.

I’d say it’s completely normal to feel fed up as you move towards the end! Even with a full time, face to face degree - which would generally be more entertaining than part time, online - it’s a long period of concentration and stress and pressure. I can’t be the only person who dragged themselves almost in tears to their Course Leader in the final Spring, certain that I just didn’t have the energy to finish the course.

Can you tell yourself that it’s only your tired brain making you feel like giving up?

Importantly - what are your plans for once you graduate? Are you applying for jobs? Anticipating higher pay? Looking forward to celebrating with your children, other family, friends and colleagues? Obviously all those people would feel let down if you were to give up now. But the person who’d regret it most is you.

Thousands and thousands of people graduate every year - you deserve to graduate alongside them. Push through your doubts and ennui - you’ll be so proud of yourself when you finish.

@GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER

True, there has been some gritty subjects which have been more enjoyable than my current module. Overall though I have found it quite hard. I particularly like your description of wading through pointless treacle.

I have to do this, I know I do. I left school with no GCSEs (long story). I just wasn’t expecting the end to be quite so depressing so I wanted to see if others had felt similar. I had visions of me happily submitting assignments at this stage knowing that it was all very nearly over.

Thank you all for your comments. I really do appreciate it.

Yes I hated my last year at uni. Absolutely hated it and had thoughts like you are having of self sabotaging and just throwing in the towel. I'm glad I didn't. I graduated with a 2.1 but was just 2 percent off a first and I think my feelings surrounding it all leading up to graduation impacted my grades.

I am now in the middle of a masters course and am sitting at 76 percent overall and have bloody loved every moment of it. I think it does make a difference if you enjoy what you study.

Keep going. It'll be a slog but you'll get there and it'll be worth it in the end.

Keep going! I know how hard it is.
If it helps, I got a shit hot job after mine because one of criteria was to have a degree. Employers loved the dedication it takes to do an OU degree. Good luck

Stick in it’s only until June.

In January 2024 this shitty period will be a distant memory, as you will
be using your new degree to better your life.

OP, if you left school with no GCSEs then an OU degree is a truly tremendous achievement! You have got this far, don’t let it slip away!

I’ve so often read that employers are particularly impressed with OU degrees, too, since they need a great deal of self discipline and commitment.
Wishing you all the very best, 💐.

@MetaDaughter

Thank you. I think this is my equivalent “dragging yourself in tears moment to the lecturer in the final term” Except I’ve come to mumsnet 😢.

I do not have problems in terms of actually doing it, but this has been the most boring and intense module (which is to be expected at the end I know).

I work in the sector and have a lot of experience now. A degree will be useful in terms of ticking certain boxes for a promotion.
I guess I am just surprised at how grumpy it has made me feel. Usually I just dust it off and get on with it but I guess this is probably the first time I’ve felt a little bit overwhelmed. It’s a been a bit of a long slog!

I am reading all of the comments and I am very grateful for them all thank you. I’ll have to keep coming back and reading the words of encouragement.

I'm in my second to last year of OU, and my only year where I'm doing full time study by doubling up modules. I'm so bored and fed up I could cry. Luckily one of the two modules is really engaging, so I'm using that to keep me going. But I frequently want to throw the laptop out the window.
Don't give up now! Try and devise fun treats for yourself to reward you for studying, keep up a constant mantra of positive self talk and think how gorgeous it will feel once you are all done. Resist the urge to self sabotage now! You've come this far, you can do it.

When faced with a dull/difficult task that has to be done I like the saying

‘Do something today that your future self will thank you for’

So picture yourself at the end of June, having submitted your final piece of work, thanking January’s MissWings for sticking with it.

Good luck with these last few months. Keep checking in on this thread if you’re struggling and we can cheer you on to the finish line.

Don't give up now! I did a Business Studies degree with the OU and it was so hard and so boring I hated it, also took 6/7 yrs and i had 2 kids too and working full time. I've recently done another degree at a brick uni and that was easy in comparison.

Work out your percentages - what is minimum marks you need to get a 2.1? That's probably pretty low and achievable. Then have a month where you do minimum (outside of assignments ) to get by. Start March enthused again.

I knew going into final term of masters that I only needed 58% from each essay to still get overall 70% so much more relaxed.

Three-time OU graduate here - My advice? Keep going! It's a small sacrifice compared to what you've already invested.

Then, maybe it's time to reflect on why you have felt this way. (I gather from your post that you are early thirties with teenage kids, so I expect that you were already a parent at the time that others were undergrads?) I've seen many, many people come through the OU and whilst for most people it is an excellent experience, there are some for whom I believe it offers a false promise. Key to this is understanding what an OU degree won't do:

It won't turn back time.
It won't replicate the undergrad experience that many 18-21 year olds enjoyed.
It won't fast-track your career to where it might have been, had you been a graduate at 21 years old.
It won't change the way people who already know you behave towards you.

If any of the above were things that you'd hoped for, then maybe the culmination of your degree is forcing you to confront what you really wanted from it, and the realisation that it isn't going to be that panacea is painful. But, also, focus on what an OU degree will do:

It will change the way you feel about yourself. Getting a degree is hard, and you will have achieved it. It's no different to running a marathon, or climbing a mountain - the pain kicks in near to the end, but the finish/summit is worth it.
It will change the way people you've not previously met will behave towards you. Your next CV will have your degree on it. You'll get interviews for jobs you wouldn't even have been considered for. You'll be able to command pay commensurate with that status.
It will make other challenges appear more manageable. You will grow more confident and have greater resilience in all other aspects of your life.
It will change the way you are able to interact with other people - especially those people who have immense self-confidence but less ability. You will know that they are just blagging, and will be able to puncture their inflated sense of entitlement and self-importance, because deep down you will know that it is all just bullshit - this is an absolute superpower.

Final question. Is it possible that the way you are feeling is because you are sad that the journey will end? Becoming better is a great feeling. Arriving sucks. (Especially if not much is visibly different). But you don't have to stop at a Bachelor's degree. Get a Masters. Or do a different subject. Something utterly random and left-field. Many people get hooked. I vowed never to put myself through it again. Three times. I'm now on my fourth ... (I did take a couple of years off in between each one, mind)

@Mark19735

Thank you for your post it was lovely to read and I will certainly reflect on it. One thing I’ve always been is realistic in terms of what doors it could potentially open. Certainly roles like service manager could now be open for me if I ever did wish to pursue that in the future. I was already working in the sector prior to starting my degree. I guess a part of me is a bit disappointed that I’m actually not more ambitious. I am not even sure if I necessarily want this degree to open doors in the current sector that I work in.

Hmm, I don’t think I will miss it but it has been a big part of my life for the past 7 years, always there in the background I guess. Lots to think about and reflect on. Thank you.

Ive bought myself a nice new note pad and some fresh highlighters. I’ve also booked a nice holiday for July where I will no doubt reflect more whilst I have the head space to do so (and this will be finished 🙌).

Good luck with your studies also.

Very normal. I spent 3 years doing a tough professional qualification whilst working full time. Did 14/15 exams and failed the final one. I then went in a spiral of not wanting to retake it, I just wanted it gone from my life. In the end I forced myself to book and pay for it so I knew I had to do it.

I have no words of wisdom other than to force your way through it. I can say though the relief when you are on the other side is enormous. I cried on and off for days in sheer relief, I think it was just the stress leaving my body. My life had felt sort of on hold until I had passed this exam and got my qualification.

I wish you the best of luck. I am a master procrastinator so know what it’s like to keep putting it off!

@Flapjackquack

I will force my way through it. Whether or not I continue to work in health and social care in the future is anyone’s guess at this point. I just don’t know. I can’t see the sector improving anytime soon and it’s all just a bit grim.

It's finally the day of reckoning OP and it's only human to doubt ourselves and our choices.
You have climbed a mountain (fellow OU graduate here) and no matter the state of that employment sector, you deserve to graduate and be proud of all you've achieved.
The OU have a student counselling service and a careers advice offer. Book yourself in and try and figure what's holding you back and what kind of future might motivate you to run towards it.
Good luck

@Tickledtrout

Really? I never knew that. I am going to look into that counselling service. I think I could actually do with it. Thank you so much, and for your kind words.

Totally normal! I felt exactly the same in my last year with the OU. Try the pomodora technique to get focused and in the zone for each essay… keep ploughing on!

Imagine the feeling when you press the submit button on your final assignment. And receiving your result in July. Imagine getting your degree certificate in the post 6 weeks later and putting in a frame on the wall. And think about when you get to wear your gown and walk across the stage at your graduation ceremony!

Those are the thoughts you have to hold on to now. You are so close and it will be be SO worth it. I finished mine last year and I guarantee you will be very, very proud of yourself… keep going!

You are almost there! Just keep your eye on the finish line. I hated 2 of my last 4 modules and it was torture getting through them . I’m so glad I’m finished. I’m in a job I love making over double what I did before my degree.

Well I did start ti type a message and it has gone.

like you I have 3 older teens and work full time. I’m on modules 6 and 7 due to a few changes along the way but have now settled with childhood and youth. My OH tells me to think about why I started it when I get like this, which is probably every time a TMA is due… I cry some more and then crack on. I thought this was how we coped with this shit 😂