Old habits DRY hard! It's DRY JANUARY thread #2... newcomers always welcome!

[HPLikecraft]

Here we are, a shiny new thread to help us stay dry.

Thread one has been great and supportive; and thread two will take us through further challenges and milestones. Hop aboard; you're all doing brilliantly!

Just finishing Adrian Chiles' A Good Drinker.

There are definite elements of 'protesting too much', but this bit resonated:

I always want to be able to take a quiet early evening pint or two with a friend, share a bottle of wine with dinner somewhere, and yes occasionally drink too much at a wedding […]. This is the greatest motivation I have for cutting down, because I never want to get to the stage where doctors are telling me I mustn’t touch another drop.

Feeling a bit clearer at this point, and sleep seems to be settling down. I can definitely do this 4 - 5 nights a week in future, bar holidays and Christmas (which don't count anyway).

Thanks all. Out for dinner tonight with sis and know for sure it will be AF lager for me.
Target to have as many AF days in Jan as possible. So far 11 out of 12

lemons I discovered the Volvic fruit water when doing intermittent fasting last year. I really struggle to drink water but these just make it a bit more bearable.

They're normally well over £1 a bottle but are always on offer which is when I stockpile them.

I'm starting day 9 and really not minding it at all. We have plans to meet a neighbour for a drink tomorrow but I am more than happy to drink AF (apart from the cost!) DH will probably have a drink but the choice is his. In any case his consumption has fallen massively and he seems to drink less when I'm not joining in anyway. So it seems there's an element of us egging each other on which is an interesting insight.

Yes that's good motivation for me - but surely AC is already a problem drinker 🤷🏼‍♀️

I thought all of us on here were, to some degree or other!

Yes sure, but he had pretty bad liver damage didn't he - or maybe I've got that wrong.

No according to blood tests, but he did have some scarring on doing a Fibroscan. Scared a couple of us on the first thread.

Ah ok.

Sorry to hear about the slip up, @Hedjwitch , but these mistakes can often serve to steel our resolve and make us more determined. Good luck with the dinner tonight.

Delurking to cheer everyone on! I'm a DJ veteran and a lot of your comments have given me pause for thought.

This is my 11th DJ (I think). I was an original Penguin (waves flipper) but I'd done DJ before that. Of the last 10 years, 3 times I haven't made it the whole month, but for the rest, I don't drink in January, and that's all there is to it: no thinking, decisions or negotiations.

After DJ, the habits gradually creep up. But, I have noticed some differences, depending on how I've approached DJ. Sticking it out to the end, or rather, not sticking it out, makes the biggest difference. So anyone who's had a slip, major well done on not calling it quits, like I did in the past. Also, for anyone querying what it's for, it does help going forward to commit to a full month.

The second factor is substitution. The year that I relied on AF substitutes was probably the least effective in changing habits (of the 7 DJs I completed). I found the AF drinks served as placeholders for bad habits. Feeling genuinely satisfied with tea, coffee or water (or cordial) is definitely a step up.

I think the next step is not a drink substitution, but a lifestyle substitution. And that's something I haven't yet mastered. And that's why habits eventually creep back up. I think it's hard. Like so many on this thread, I have a teen with ASD/ADHD. I don't think it's a coincidence that so many of us in that situation drink more/more regularly than we'd like to.

In the past, I've read most of the quit lit recommended by PPs. Although they're positive and helpful, I don't feel that I want to give up. And I don't identify with their feelings of HAVING to give up. I've just discovered sober curious lit (I started with The Accidental Soberista and fell down a rabbit hole). The mindset is different. It's an active positive choice to GAIN by becoming sober. People who aren't problem drinkers who love life so much more when they stop drinking.

I love the idea of choosing to be AF because alcohol gets in the way of all the lovely things I want to do. Has anyone else come across books/podcasts with this attitude? I'm not yet convinced, but I'm beginning to think I want to be.

Interesting insights @Steala - thanks for those.

I don't do AF substitutes because I recognise that I don't drink wine purely for the taste and I doubt any AF subs taste like a decent bottle of Chardonnay for example.

I know I drink as a reaction to stress and also to boredom but also when I'm having a lovely time with friends. Allen Carr in his easy way to stop smoking book says about cigarettes that they don't relieve boredom or make you feel relaxed or any of the other things, you just tell yourself you do and you carry on smoking purely because you're addicted to nicotine. Hmm, maybe we carry on because we're addicted to alcohol?

I read "Mrs D is going without" a while ago and something she said resonated, she said something like "I got addicted to an addictive substance, there shouldn't be any shame in that."

OTOH I am feeling fine and not craving a drink really, other than out of habit. I don't think I could go to a restaurant right now for example and not drink, although I have done so plenty of times for work events where I wouldn't drink because I'm driving. Hmm. I think it's habit and triggers for me, not a physical dependency. But who knows?

I do DJ each year as the amount I drink increases as the year goes on, so it's to prove to myself I can go without and to reset. Not the healthiest attitude, but I know I don't want to give up altogether - so I'm a bit like Adrian maybe.

Great, interesting post @Steala thanks for that. Interestingly, I also have a teen with ASD.
I have, this DJ, also been relying less on AF booze-alikes. The spur for this was that I'm doing 16:8 diet so want no calories after 6.30, but really it's good not to get too attached to that beer or wine taste as a prompt to relax.

So out tonight for book club - which I normally have a few drinks at! Have told them am doing DJ and my friend who normally drinks is doing it too so cross fingers

I'm feeling great physically and mentally so much calmer and in control. But I don't want to be teetotal once DJ is over. I want to be someone who can enjoy a glass of wine or two in an evening and leave it at that, rather than drinking the whole bottle and sometimes more. I really hope I'm able to moderate once DJ is over, because if I can't then I may have to reconsider.

Day 12 going okay here, although I'm not going to lie - whilst there are definitely lots of benefits to not drinking, life is also feeling a bit joyless.

@Steala

Good insights into DJ as a veteran.

Yes I feel like I have not quite made the transition from wine to soft drinks. I have still been having an AF beer or 2 at home most nights - though I completely agree with what you and others say about the best thing to do is to break the connection completely and just drink soft drinks/ water/ tea.

I have been necking camomile and mint tea by the bucketload in the day so that's better than my normal tea consumption- maybe for the 2nd half of DJ I need to ditch the AF beers too!

@freshstart2023 yes this is my sun too. Bit nervous about it though

*aim

I am doing ok too, feeling (I think) physically a bit better - though really struggling with work motivation without end of day wine reward to power through to...

I do feel my outlook changing through this process. There was a smoking advert a while back with the imagery of a fish hook piercing the skin and pulling on people's cheeks* - the physical 'tug' has definitely been much less than I thought it would from the outset, and has diminished over the week. I'm even starting to think that a night in watching the telly with a nice milky hot drink might be something to look forward to in and of itself, rather than a poor substitute for not drinking myself into - not oblivion or stupor maybe - but definitely a prematurely early night. Finding the 'sliding doors' imagery helpful here (a tip from one of the QL books).

I've been immersing myself in a lot of QL books, podcasts, documentaries to keep me on track - and it's been a revelation. I wonder how much I'd have thought about wine without this deliberate focus. I think probably still quite a lot. I did read in one of the books that if you can go without alcohol, but think about it all the time, that's not a sign you are not addicted - but a sign you are. I am so glad I am doing this now though.

• This may be a product of my own imagination.

I'm absolutely not craving alcohol at all. That might change at the weekend when we have dinner with friends but I think I'll be fine. My problem is that I can't moderate so I'm considering extending into February. I'll see.

Not your imagination @Stickywhitelovepiss 🤣I use that advert when I teach kids about media campaigns!

Evening all. Doing ok. Had a "it's the end of the week" moment earlier but resisted with some slow knitting. Maybe I should say to myself that I ll have a glass of wine to celebrate the completion of my jumper.

Which will probably be February 2024 at the rate it's going

A podcast I like is called Love Sober. You can dip in and out and they have episodes for sober curious and grey area drinking which is people who don't drink so much that they can't function but who drink more than they really should.

I used to drink AF substitute drinks but now just have water/ tea.

Amazed at how much water I drink in an evening. I must have been so dehydrated when I was drinking wine

Dry again today. Whew. Worried I wouldnt get back on it again after yesterday so very pleased

Eek @Stickywhitelovepiss at the idea that you’re addicted if you don’t drink but think about it. I am not thinking about it during the day at all and not even sqmuch in the evening, I am just getting on with it. Unless I’m posting here!