Dog anxiety. How nicely say it or do I pretend?

[ColinRobinsonsfamiliar]

Was badly bitten as a child.
I have full on sweaty palms, palpitations beating so hard it affects my breathing, churning stomach and cannot focus on anything but where the dog is if I see one in the street I have to cross over, it’s bad.

So on a zoom work call today, the other person opens up their screen with a dog on their lap, full face in the camera.

Then tells me that there are 5 in the office around them.

I was so shocked. I blurted out that I have a “bit of a phobia of dogs”, to which they looked horrified and put the dog down.

I know it’s absolutely nuts. I have avoided dogs really well forever so it’s not generally an issue.
Dog lovers ALWAYS without fail try to persuade me that theirs is a sweetheart and “as soft as anything”. It does not matter, I really cannot cope with them.

So to spare dog owners feelings because I am completely unreasonable with this, do I grin, gritted teeth and pretend I’m ok, or can you suggest a really nice way of either changing the subject or politely broaching this fear/terror I have with doting dog owners.

Thank You. .

I totally get this. Phobias aren't unusual and being scared of dogs isn't unusual. Except dog owners seem to see their slavering wild beasts as cute, but not all of us do.

I have a phobia of ships' keels. News programmes used to absolutely love sticking a reporter in front of a ship's keel with zero warning. They don't do it so much any more thank goodness. I'd have a horrible sick reaction every time.

However... your phobia is kind of yours to manage. I would also say get some therapy, at least for dogs on screen.

Gang of dogs. With flick knives and bandanas doing that routine from that musical, can’t remember the name of it…

If a phobia is that extreme and debilitating you need therapy for it, it’s really unpleasant for you.

I’ve had a fear of flights and had to take action over that, whilst I can’t see myself ever going to Australia my kids have seen me fly and had no idea. Sometimes you have to be brave and tackle phobias.

I do like the gang of dogs description, I will be referring to my pack as a gang of dogs from now on.

PS my dogs have an unrivalled unsullied record of converting dog haters, most of the haters end up wanting one!

Fuck em. Why the fuck would you put your stupid dogs on a zoom call anyway? What the fuck are they going to do? Take notes?

I have never told anyone other than my dh about my fear of dogs.
Its do unreasonable that I keep it very much to myself.

I see where your coming from. Many phobias seem irrational to many people. IIRC there was once a show about irrational fears and a woman was terrified of baked beans - I could not for the life of me empathise or understand at all. She as you describe got cold sweats, anxiety and just wanted to run in the presence of baked beans. In that regard yanbu. I hate pets in general but not afraid of them. Whilst therapy may help, I don't think yabu to tell your colleague you have a phobia. It's not weird. But what I've come to notice is that to many people dogs are a part of their family in the same way their kids are so I doubt many will understand it but I know what you mean.

Dogs on TV, look away until it’s not on screen.

Thank god there’s non on Happy Valley, that would be ruined, completely ruined for me. I’d miss all sorts of Tommy Lee Royce shinanegans!

A lot of stupid/ill-educated people here WRT to phobias. If a phobia rather than simply a fear then obviously an image can be an issue.

I think you should be honest with people. It is no different to being an arachnophobe. You can seek therapy to try to improve things.

The problem you have is a lot of dog people are selfish, domineering twats who try to insist everyone else has to love their dog. A lot of dog owners seem to need therapy for their inability to understand boundaries!

Was it a work call? It's very unprofessional to rock up with a dog on your lap unless it's a very informal work call.
I have an irrational fear of the sea, pictures of big waves make me cringe and I have to fast forward through scenes of the sea being wild such as in the latest thing I watched which was Vikings Valhalla. The sea isn't coming at me through the screen, the sea can't harm me but that doesn't stop me being anxious about it.

Well funny you say that, I often try to get mine to takes minutes during meetings but they're usually sleeping or playing. So lazy.

I wfh exclusively. Nearly all my colleagues have dogs and they're often on camera. By the way, there are no stupid dogs, only stupid people.

Ah, that's a really easy phobia to fix.

This. I don't think it's particularly unprofessional to have a pet on screen when you're wfh. The dog is not going to pay any attention to confidential information. I won't have my husband in the same room as me when I'm wfh and in meetings/on calls. I'm OK with the dog chilling out on the sofa though. I wouldn't make a big deal about it, but if, for instance we're waiting for people to join and I mention the dog's there and someone asks to see it, I'll show them.

I'm a dog owner/lover and adore showing off my dog. While I have empathy if someone has a phobia of them, if it's so severe you can't manage to see one on screen, you need to see a psychologist. And as a mental health nurse, I mean that in the kindest possible way. Dogs are impossible to ignore. Even if you know you're not going to get a pet dog, you need to at least be able to see a well behaved one in the distance being walked on a lead, or like this on a screen...otherwise you may never, for example, go to a cinema for fear one maybe in the film.

OK my dog's never cured a phobia, but I've had people not liking dogs generally but liking Maggie as she's a very chilled and calm dog.

That was Cats!

I don't think it's unreasonable, a phobia is more than a fear and it's not like the dog needs to be on screen for the zoom call to be a success.

My daughter has emetophobia and definitely couldn't cope with seeing someone vomit (or threaten to, or feel sick) on screen. Vomit doesn't hurt her at all yet she has a huge phobia.

I'm not quite phobic but am on a spectrum? I guess for trypophobia. That definitely can't hurt me but it's definitely a problem via screens, I can't look at it and if forced to I'd likely have a panic attack or cry.

Phobias don't make sense. I have sympathy OP.

I will add though your phobia makes a lot more sense than most!

Hi OP, sorry to hear that you had a bad experience on the Zoom call.

Unfortunately I have previously worked in a dog-friendly office (lots of creative types enjoying the cute distractions, and saving cash on dog-sitters) where there was indeed a 'gang of dogs' roaming the building! It's genuinely not unusual.

I have a ton of sympathy for you though; my little sister has fairly severe koumpounophobia, which is a fear of buttons. There was no cause, it seemed to basically be genetic - even as a toddler she'd cry if anyone tried to dress her in buttoned clothes. As a child she had especially visceral reactions to buttons that had come off a garment and were 'free' - that used to really upset her, she'd almost be vomiting at times.

Needless to say she has had therapy and it's helped a lot. You can't control if there are dogs in your life any more than she could control her life to be free of buttons... You can learn to control your reaction to them, to gain more comfort and calm, and I'd suggest that's something to try.

Best of luck!

If people with phobias of spiders or snakes see them on a screen, it can freak them out. It’s true that phobias are irrational, therefore responses to them are irrational.

I don’t think you were unreasonable OP.

Cats the musical going on during important business meetings!! 🤣🤣🤣

For those of you who are being so kind and understanding, thank you so much.
I know it’s daft, but honestly, no one knows in RL except for my DH. I can avoid dogs really well.

Please do get some therapy. It’s really hard to avoid dogs and it must affect your life and restrict your choices so much, not helped by many other people loving them so much.

I had a phobia of cats. I could see one on a screen and be OK but was absolutely terrified of a cat being in the same room. Nowadays, while I wouldn’t want to stroke one or have it on my lap I’m quite ok with a cat sitting next to me on a settee, for example. It took a couple of hypnotherapy sessions with some CBT. Good luck OP.

Op I have the same I am terrified of dogs and always check with someone to see if they have one at home before going around (or not if they do sometimes). I haven't been able to go for certain jobs in the past because of my dog phobia. So I do get it.

I want to ask dog lovers - can dogs tell if you are scared of them and what does it mean to them if they can tell??

I'm with you.
Unless it's about dogs, there's no need for dogs to be on a work call/zoom/in the office.
Wastes everyone's time, too.

😭

Mumsnet must be full of selfish, unsympathetic dog lovers who don't care how or if their animals badly affect those who have a phobia. Some of the replies on this thread are disgraceful