“You can’t microwave your sister, just spit it in the bin, put

[HoneyDragon]

your pants on, I’m a human not a puppet”.

Are all things I’ve said to the kids today. I wouldn’t mind so much if they weren’t 13 and 19.

So precisely when does the ridiculous statements toward your kids period end? And I speak as someone who’s mother confiscated her unicycle at the age of 31 informing me “you’re 7 months pregnant, you look like a speeding weeble and I really don’t care that you’ve ‘nearly mastered corners’ FGS CHILD” whilst ramming it in the boot of her car.

‘Why is your nappy making that jingling sound?!’

Just said to DS when I found him out of bed and wandering around the landing!

On inspection of the nappy I found:

1 x toy car
3 x pound coins
1 x brand new lipstick I’ve just purchased
1 x small doctor’s clipboard (from his play set)

my new lipstick was really warm 🤢

"Stop riding the giraffe, it's not a horse" to one of the kids in school today. (Decorative fibreglass one)

Absolutely howling at “Leave her fanny alone”.

Ugh if we start talking about dogs, I regularly have to say “stop humping my foot!” or “why are you humping her head?!”

14yo said yesterday "omg I just burped, farted & hiccuped at the same time- was that like a factory reset?"

Why exactly is my cat wearing a handsewn velvet cape?

An aeroplane? Out of Amazon boxes? Isn't his tank turret sufficient decoration for the living room? No, he doesn't need a little ship on wheels to travel around in. He has four legs, you know.

Exactly why, pray tell, is there a suspicious looking cat shaped outline in masking tape on the floor?

Why is there a purring lump with pointy bits inside the sofa cover?

A chaise longue? You've bought the cat a mini chaise longue? What are you going to do - paint him?

Why is there a cat sleeping inside my backpack? He asked you to open it for him? Really? OK, I wouldn't put that one past him, actually. But did you actually have to listen to him?

When the two of you have quite finished whatever the hell you are doing in there, I'd like to remind you that you've got BTECs this week. And if you don't stop playing with that bloody cat and go to bed, you'll be too tired to supervise your students properly.

He's 45. And his first question when he moved in was 'why is it making those noises at me? Is it hurt? The ones in our barn never did that.'

17? SEVENTEEN?

Good Lord.

At book club... biscuit tin offered round... a friend of mine reached for a biscuit and her elderly mother called out "stop fingering the biscuits Melonie"

It is a phrase repeated when ever the biscuits come out

Friend was in her 40s!!

😂😂 😂

Do it!!!! Although I was old before my time regarding these, all I can think of is how it's going to end in tears/ how they can't promote a healthy gait....

DM said “stop trying to toast marshmallows on the candle Lego” and “Put the cat down, pull the coat hanger out of your sleeve and Stop winding your sister up fgs” to DB

At christmas

last year

Hes 32, I’m 34

When the two of you have quite finished whatever the hell you are doing in there, I'd like to remind you that you've got BTECs this week. And if you don't stop playing with that bloody cat and go to bed, you'll be too tired to supervise your students properly.

😂 Shades of the old story about not wanting to go to school in the morning.

"Stop trying to get the stupid water obsessed dog in the bath with you"

"No you can't put your leather shoes in the washing machine, no, not even if you've puked on them"

"Why are you drying yourself on a tea towel?"

Almost 20 and at university 🤦 a selection of this visit home.

Brilliant! 👏👏

Did you really spit out your tea? Seems to be a lot of tea-spitting on MN...

@Scalottia yes I did...what a weird question

Not quite the same thing but the other day I wanted to tell my son to just STOP fannying around. I had a sudden panic mid sentence and wondered if "fannying around" was an appropriate thing to say to a 3 yr old. Tried to change it and ended up with "Ds can you just stop... Vangina-ing..."

Nah, not weird, just a question because the OP wasn't really that funny. Read it often on here - 'spat out my tea, woke my baby, I'm howling' - doubt any of that really happens because most of these threads aren't that funny.

If you did spit out your tea, then I take it back! Makes a mess though. 😀

@Scalottia I guess because humour is subjective so what one person finds funny, another wouldn't. It was the speedint weeble that got me. Unfortunately it wasn't very ladylike of me but most of it went back into the mug 🤣

Last year I bought a scooter, bright lime green with big wheels. I'd also had an operation on my hand and was in a plaster cast. When it arrived there was a bit of assembly needed, not easy when you have only one functioning hand. Anyway, I was determined to do it so did my best. Apart from putting one bit on backwards it went ok, then I had a practise scoot up and down the hall, AND I DIDN'T FALL OFF!
Mind you, the kids and dh rolled their eyes at me getting a scooter, can't think why?