Have posted previously about situation with husband. Quick backstory - together 17 years, two children aged 3 and 6 months. He was very emotionally abusive to me throughout the last few years but particularly during most recent pregnancy. When I came home from hospital after having to stay for three days due to emergency c section and complications thereafter, he didn't speak to me for three days because I sighed when he was talking to me and said I make everything all about me. When 39 weeks pregnant he stopped talking to me because he was handling our son too roughly so I took him off him, so he punched a wall and then went into bedroom and started smashing stuff up and swearing. He smokes weed and I suspect takes other susbtances, didn't buy any presents for children for Christmas or for son's 3rd birthday. Told me he was leaving me when youngest was 8 weeks old although I had already been planning to leave him. He is pretty useless, never cooks and on his days off he has a lie in (most recently until 4pm after saying he got wasted the night before) Have told my health visitor everything and she said not to leave him unsupervised with children. I have the car seats for them in my car but he's now saying he's going to take them to visit his aunt next week in his car, obviously I don't want him to and don't know what is in his system anyway.
Anyway, his behaviour and moods are worsening, shouting at 3 year old more, including when he wouldn't sleep last night saying "would you like daddy to shout at you and make you cry? I'm going to make you cry in five seconds", saying "I'm going to rock you to sleep and make you cry / I'm going to cut your hair off". Obviously this is not acceptable and when I say anything he just says I'm not strict enough and am a snowflake parent. He frightens me and there's no doubt we need to leave. I've seen a solicitor and as I say have spoken with health visitor although not since before Christmas. I have registered with local housing association and given highest priority banding due to domestic abuse but have been bidding on properties, anything at all even top floor flats in the middle of nowhere, since September but never get past 20th in queue. Have spoken with Refuge / Women's Aid yesterday and need to decide what to do now - go to a refuge which my mum keeps talking me out of, or a travelodge / B&B. Neither will likely be in local area to family / friends. No one has any space for me to stay at all so those are my options. Or just stay here and keep waiting for a council house to come up but as I say I've been bidding for four months already without success, and I can't safeguard the children sufficiently. I am worried about emotional damage / trauma being inflicted on eldest son. I am just looking for people's advice about which would be the best option.
Sorry for any typos, am rushing to type as husband finishes work shortly. He's also off work all of next week, hence wanting to take action sooner than later.
Thank you for reading