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Original poster

Opinions Please - 8 and 12 year old left alone for 30/45 minutes

57 replies

popcornfrenzy · 10/01/2023 04:39

Am a single parent who's looking to go to the gym in the mornings. You can see the gym from the house so would be 5 minutes away from them.

They're quite sensible and are able to get themselves dressed/get cereal for breakfast.

Looking for opinions as found conflicting information online. Thank you

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 10/01/2023 08:34

What time does the gym open? I don’t think I’d do it - not because of their ages but because I wouldn’t feel OK about an 8-year-old not having a parent around in the morning during that wake up, get up, breakfast time. 12-year-old borderline too, if I’m honest. My DC don’t physically need me to do breakfast and get ready, they do it themselves, but I’m around and it’s sociable and there’s always last minute stuff or things about the day to know or just reassurance. I’d be more inclined to an evening slot whilst 8 & 12 are at home. Personal preference, though.

GeneticallyModifiedGrump · 10/01/2023 09:42

I wouldn't. I would happily leave the 12 year old (assuming Yr 8 at school?) But 8 is far too young I my opinion.
Does the 8 year old listen to their older sibling? If they are meant to be getting ready and the 8 year old is messing around would it stress the 12 year old out every time you go?
Another slightly more morbid thought but do they both know where keys are to get out if they need to (house fire for example)....if you do it please don't lock them in with no way of getting out if they need to.

NoKnit · 10/01/2023 17:08

My kids are 6 and 9. They go to school by themselves. I leave them to pop to the shop or post. I could possibly leave 9 year old for longer but opportunity has never arisen.

It sounds completely fine to me if they can get themselves ready for school etc.

But then I also live in a culture where it is normal for 6 year old to walk to school alone.

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GoodVibesHere · 10/01/2023 17:17

RudsyFarmer · 10/01/2023 07:37

No I wouldn’t. It’s not an important enough reason to leave my kids alone.

I agree with this 100%

Seems a bit mean to me, to disappear off to the gym instead of spending breakfast with your kids. I wouldn't dream of doing it.

Original poster
popcornfrenzy · 10/01/2023 17:47

Hey everyone, thank you for your messages. I've taken everything on board and going to do a trial run tomorrow.

So the gym opens at around 0550 so I plan to do 0550 to 0645. I'll be home in 2 minutes, wake the kids and whilst I'm in the shower then they can get dressed then we can have breakfast together before leaving the house at around 0730.

I'll let you all know how it goes 😬

OP posts:
Morph22010 · 10/01/2023 19:05

Are they able to contact you by phone when at gym, I think that would make a big diff to decision?

Original poster
popcornfrenzy · 10/01/2023 19:12

Absolutely they can contact me by phone - my DS can also track me through find my phone on Apple. I play my music through my phone and ear buds so a phone call will be answered straightaway.

OP posts:
Athenen0ctua · 10/01/2023 19:17

PuttingDownRoots · 10/01/2023 07:35

The reason I don't tend to leave my 9yo with my 11yo is I don't want her to feel responsible for her younger sister.

I have started leaving them for 15 minutes now I feel the 9yo (very nearly 10) is old enough to be left alone for that time.

So I would as long as you think the 8yo could be left alone for that time without their older sibling

This. Except if the older child was only necessary for company. I left my DS alone at 8 for up to an hour but I'd go with minimum of 13 to babysit because of the responsibility involved. So I would leave them, but not with the older child in charge.

SummerHouse · 10/01/2023 19:20

I think what your doing is brilliant and important. Good luck and well done to you. I wish I had your drive to go to the gym first thing. You are a fabulous role model to your children. I think the ages are totally fine to be left for that amount of time.

Dangermouse80 · 10/01/2023 19:31

Just get on you tube and do a workout for free. Better financially and time wise.

picklesandtea · 10/01/2023 21:20

SummerHouse · 10/01/2023 19:20

I think what your doing is brilliant and important. Good luck and well done to you. I wish I had your drive to go to the gym first thing. You are a fabulous role model to your children. I think the ages are totally fine to be left for that amount of time.

Great message. Totally agree

picklesandtea · 10/01/2023 21:21

Dangermouse80 · 10/01/2023 19:31

Just get on you tube and do a workout for free. Better financially and time wise.

With no gym equipment? No time away from the house and kids? Other than financially this is not better in any way that I can see.

FawnFrenchieMum · 10/01/2023 21:34

Yes I would if they are sensible. Our DD10 stays home alone for a couple of hours now (build up over the last 9 months or so). She will be at high school in Sept so will need to come home to an empty house a couple of days a week.

As long as you’re near by and contactable. You’re sure they will get ready while you’re gone and one of them has a phone.

PenguinTattoo · 10/01/2023 21:40

I wouldn't do this regularly, and mine are a bit older. But that's because that is the time when they realise they've forgotten PE kit/homework/we're out of cheesestrings/today is dress as an animal day/they have to bring in something and they'd get super worked up about it (ASD) whilst I was gone. I mostly let them get on with things in the morning, but they know I'm around for the occasional panic.

Of course, if you and your children are more organised and less prone to last-minute panics, this won't be an issue.

Mumoffairy · 10/01/2023 21:51

picklesandtea · 10/01/2023 04:57

I leave my 9 and 12 year old regularly, albeit I don't live in the U.K. It is normal and encouraged where I live. 6 year olds take themselves to school. My one rule is that they aren't allowed to eat when I'm not here as I am paranoid about choking!!! Be warned though most people on here will say no. Have a chat with the kids about it, see what their thoughts are, that may be more important than what the hand wringers on here say

This.

Mine are also not allowed to watch tv, because i think the house could burn down around them without them noticing.
They are 6 and 8 though. But they are home alone regularly for up to an hour.

BungleandGeorge · 10/01/2023 21:55

It’s already gone from being there 30min to almost an hour? I think an 8 year old is too young for that and a 12 year old too young to supervise them ( and probably ok just getting ready for school)

ProhibitedSteps · 10/01/2023 22:27

Neodymium · 10/01/2023 05:20

I leave my kids that age. Actually my son is 11 not yet 12 and I have left him and his sister who is 9. Depends on the kid I think.

you know your own kids if they are sensible.

That's appalling. An 11yr old is NOT old enough to babysit! My neighbour got out on a child protection list for doing this with her 10 & 12yr old!

picklesandtea · 11/01/2023 05:36

I guarantee she went on that list for a lot more than just leaving two sensible and appropriately aged kids alone. Back story for sure. There's no legal limit in the U.K. fyi

garlictwist · 11/01/2023 05:38

I think it's fine.

Pickle1512 · 11/01/2023 05:41

I left mine at that age for around half an hour while I popped to the shops. Now they are nearly 13 and 9 I leave them for up to an hour as long as I’m very local. All fine. You know your kids

MaireadMcSweeney · 11/01/2023 05:45

ProhibitedSteps · 10/01/2023 22:27

That's appalling. An 11yr old is NOT old enough to babysit! My neighbour got out on a child protection list for doing this with her 10 & 12yr old!

Show quote history

I'm a social worker and I left mine home alone younger than 10. Your neighbour is bullshitting you.

stillsmilingtoday · 11/01/2023 06:18

I think it’s fine. Depends on the kids and their dynamics, but you know your kids! I am surprised at people saying it’s a problem, maybe their kids aren’t comfortable being left alone? definitely brief them on fire exits, not answering the door, etc. We have echo dots in various rooms so they can phone me by talking to Alexa if they need to. You could also set up a WiFi camera in the flat if that helps with your peace of mind. Good luck with the exercise! I too wish I had the motivation.

Athenen0ctua · 11/01/2023 07:25

ProhibitedSteps · 10/01/2023 22:27

That's appalling. An 11yr old is NOT old enough to babysit! My neighbour got out on a child protection list for doing this with her 10 & 12yr old!

Show quote history

Where does it say the 11 year old was babysitting?

Franticbutterfly · 11/01/2023 08:15

I leave my very sensible almost 12 and 9 yo occasionally for a couple of hours. They don't fight have never done anything dangerous. If you are worried you could have a phone call going with them the whole time, have your headphones in and they have it on speaker phone with them. If there was an issue you could run back home.

Natsku · 11/01/2023 08:23

Wouldn't think twice about it at those ages unless they were likely to fight. Perfectly normal for children of those ages to be home alone in my country.