Lonely children

[Kiki75]

Hi I’m new and just after a bit of advice. I have 2 children both girls age 21 and 18. Both girls had a small group of friends at school but one was bullied, now girls have left school (both did ok with exams, not amazing but above average) but both of them can’t get a job.

Both girls have no friends, no jobs, no social life and I’m so worried about them. One of the girls has ADHD and the other suffers quite bad with anxiety.

I just want them to be like their peers, have jobs, socialise, go on holiday but they are cooped up at home all day everyday.

Neither knows what they want to do for jobs, and apply for very few because nothing interests them.

One of them is a proper day dreamer, thinks she’s going to travel, be successful, find the man of her dreams and be rich but as much as I say none of that will happen until you get out there it goes in one ear and out the other.

As for the other one, she’s so anxious she’s scared of her own shadow.

Both girls have had counselling in the past but it was no help. I used to put them in every club under the sun as kids so they could be more social but they left every one saying I was too pushy.

I can’t just leave them both to become even more depressed by doing nothing day in and day out but I’m at a loss where to go from here so any help appreciated. Thanks

Are there any college courses they could enroll on? Maybe try different colleges if u can? Even short courses or adult education even. The approach is different at colleges than at school and they would at least have a reason to get out of the house.

Job centre will probably pressure them to do something soon enough assuming they are able to.

Would they consider volunteering? Good way to get practical experience, develop confidence, learn skills and get a character/job reference.

They both went to college after school and didn’t make many friends and any that they did they didn’t stay in touch with.

They both went to the job centre and just got letters back saying they’ve not paid enough stamp and therefore not entitled to anything, they’ve had no follow up appointments after that.

Job centres do back to work advice, my DC is disabled and we get periodically called in as they try to get him woek or asses him why he can't (too disabled for any work).

I was told indiscriminately that at 18 I could stop subsidising his existence and hand him over to social services (not ready for that yet here).

Maybe u need to be tough and say they have to get out to earn money?

I didn't want to read and run. I'm sorry to hear this. I was your daughter. I had no friends at sixth form college or uni. I had anxiety and depression.

I met my now husband at an old friend's birthday party and things changed for me.

Can they join a local club or something? Or volunteer maybe? How about babysitting a neighbour's kids?

Exercising really helps with uplifting your mood. Even going for a jog if not for a walk.