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Original poster

Changing jobs while TTC (potentially IVF). WWYD?

28 replies

BandyButter83 · 09/01/2023 19:07

I'm not happy at my current job. It's been a year and it's not what I expected at all, I haven't progressed as I expected and haven't learned anything new. Manager said it is going to change but it is unlikely to happen. Other than the actual job the company is fine and so are colleagues. I could get better salary but current salary is not bad.

However, I'm the main bread winner. Been TTC for 1.5yrs, scheduled for HyCosy this Thursday. I only took this bloody job so there is less stress and I can get pregnant more quickly! I think the current plan is to try for 2-3 months after HyCosy and then do IVF (we haven't decided on the IVF yet but it's definitely on the cards).

WWYD? Stay in at job you don't like for the sake of security or just carry on TTC/IVF and crack on with new job search? (Usually for me it takes about 3-5 months to find a new job but no idea what the market is like at the moment)

OP posts:
Original poster
BandyButter83 · 09/01/2023 19:36

Anyone? I know topic is not most exciting but I'm sure I can't be the only one with the same issue

OP posts:
mindutopia · 09/01/2023 19:44

How would it affect your mat pay if you changed jobs? That’s the only thing I’d be concerned about. I’ve had 2 colleagues get pregnant very shortly after starting their new roles, and really no one cared, we got maternity cover and it was great to have them back after mat leave.

Jobsfor2023 · 09/01/2023 19:48

I’m a little older than you and my advice with the benefit of hindsight is do what is right for you, not your employer. I’m that person who has been (was!) incredibly loyal and rose fast - but it came at a cost to my personal life wondering what they thought and all the rest of it. Wouldn’t make that mistake again.

Start looking now. If you get pregnant quickly BONUS! if you don’t, you’ll still have a job you enjoy more. worse case scenario is it takes a long time and you stay in a job that’s not progressing you and you dislike.

Good luck to you.

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Original poster
BandyButter83 · 09/01/2023 20:46

@mindutopia mat pay is my only concern. Currently I have 6 months fully paid. I. case if managed to conceive naturally and then lost mat pay it wouldn't be an issue.

However, if I get pregnant through IVF and lose mat pay then it's an issue due to eating up into my savings.

OP posts:
Original poster
BandyButter83 · 09/01/2023 20:47

@mindutopia mat pay is my only concern. Currently I have 6 months fully paid. In case if managed to conceive naturally and then lost mat pay it wouldn't be an issue.

However, if I get pregnant through IVF and lose mat pay then it's an issue due to eating up into my savings.

OP posts:
Original poster
BandyButter83 · 09/01/2023 20:50

@mindutopia mat pay is my only concern. Currently I have 6 months fully paid. In case I managed to conceive naturally and then lost mat pay it wouldn't be an issue.

However, if I get pregnant through IVF and lose mat pay then it's an issue due to eating up into my savings to pay for IVF

OP posts:
Original poster
BandyButter83 · 09/01/2023 20:58

@mindutopia mat pay is my only concern. Currently I have 6 months fully paid. In case I managed to conceive naturally and then lost mat pay it wouldn't be an issue. However, if I get pregnant through IVF and lose mat pay then it's an issue due to having spent my savings.

I would love to have at least 6 months off but obviously would go back to work if money becomes an issue

OP posts:
Spiralleddown · 09/01/2023 21:00

I did it. Got my positive test the first day of the new job after 7 years of trying. If it works like mine did then either way you'll be happier than you are now

Original poster
BandyButter83 · 09/01/2023 22:05

@Jobsfor2023 thank you for sharing your thoughts. I know very well how it feels investing everything into work so indeed not doing the same mistake again

Either way as you say the outcome is positive

OP posts:
Original poster
BandyButter83 · 09/01/2023 22:06

@Spiralleddown I'm glad it worked out for you after such a long time. Maybe that's all I'm missing for the things to work out! xx

OP posts:
Lcb123 · 09/01/2023 22:07

If you’re just a bit bored (rather than actively hating it) I’d probably stay - grass is always greener…

Bobshhh · 09/01/2023 22:07

I turned down a job while waiting to see if I was pregnant as would have not been eligible for mat leave.

Turned out I wasn't, but I've decided to stay and conceive in my current job as it's what I know, my team love me and I get good benefits. I didn't want to start again in a new organisation, but it sounds like you're less keen on your current job!

QueenMabs · 10/01/2023 06:34

I've been in the same situation and advise to just stay where you are.

Endofmytetherfinally · 10/01/2023 06:43

6 months full pay is something I imagine you'd struggle to get elsewhere especially if there's a qualification period. I'd stick.

Babyenroute · 10/01/2023 07:00

I decided to stay even though I was bored as wanted to go through ivf and pregnancy in an environment I knew, and not worry about taking time off financially. I'm on may leave now and glad I did. On the other hand I have a friend at the same company who moved into a new role the week she got her positive (also following ivf) and although her early pregnancy was a little less relaxing as she was still getting to know her new team, by the time she left she was very happy she had moved. Would moving role in same company be an option to keep continuation of service?

sweetheartyparty · 10/01/2023 07:01

Is your current company flexible about appointments? You have frequent scans for a couple of weeks that will mean you leave the office for an hour a day every other day. It was stressful concealing my appointments for the first attempt. For the second attempt I told my manager and it was so much easier. I wasn't in my job long either but the culture was very family friendly and supportive that I felt safe talking to manager about it. I was bored too but the role changed completely on my return.
I would say it depends on the culture of your current organisation and how supportive they would be.

liveforsummer · 10/01/2023 07:06

It doesn't sound stressful? Just boring so I'd probably stay for now - mat pay being the main reason with you being the main earner. Especially as there is no guarantees the next job would be any better or could come with more stress etc that you don't need when ttc

strawbfield · 10/01/2023 07:12

I would stay. If you do IVF you need a supportive
Boss who understands why you need time iff. Sometimes at short notice

If you change jobs, you may have to disclose straight away. Unless thei hours are totally flexible and you work from home

Throw yourself into a hobby or course if you're bored. Try not
To focus on work too much

VenusClapTrap · 10/01/2023 07:14

I think unless you really hate the job, there’s a lot to be said for security, lack of stress and six months paid mat leave. I changed jobs just before I got pregnant, not expecting it to happen so quickly. New employer was pretty fucked off as they felt I’d been dishonest, so it was awkward and stressful. There was no mat pay. As I wasn’t the main breadwinner it wasn’t the end of the world, and I just walked away. In your shoes I’d be more careful.

Yel · 10/01/2023 07:21

I stayed in my old job longer than I should have because I wanted the security of maternity leave, but eventually left for a better role and more money. I'm 18 months into my new role and still doing IVF. I think don't stay in a job you aren't ever going to be happy in because you won't know how long fertility treatment might take. I now have full maternity leave again and the pay increase paid for my treatment. Infertility makes me feel very trapped and not able to move forward in certain aspects of my life, but I'm glad I did with my career.

Original poster
BandyButter83 · 10/01/2023 07:36

I think boredom is one thing, I could deal with it. But I'm getting increasingly angry at everyone and don't think it is going to help me long term.

@Yel that's what I'm most afraid of. I'm already stuck at this job and still not pregnant. It might take me much longer and the job is just going to make me even more miserable if pregnancy doesn't happen.

Unless I just completely check out and spend time concentrating on myself. But that's not something I can easily do. Job is very big part of my life

OP posts:
Original poster
BandyButter83 · 10/01/2023 07:38

Thank you so much for all your answers and sharing your experiences. I might just start applying and see what happens.. it's not that I need to make a decision right away. I don't even have an offer or updated CV yet

OP posts:
Original poster
BandyButter83 · 10/01/2023 14:41

@Spiralleddown how did it work out for you if you don't mind me asking? Did you ended up without mat pay and how were new employers when they found out

It's extremely scary perspective given that we are dependent on my salary. But I can't continue sitting in the office getting angrier and angrier every day x

OP posts:
Bran90 · 18/01/2023 23:50

I feel the same way. I didn't leave 2 years ago due to planning a family and wanting stability (naively thought it would happen quickly) but now i'm starting IVF wishing I had moved because I would be settled and progressing in a new role by now.

My gut says now isn't the right time to move with everything that is going with treatment but i'm unhappy and wondering if I'm going to be stuck for years while I do round after round of treatment and sacrifice my career which is important to me. Then on the other hand I don't want to start a new job and then announce pregnancy and ask for a year off which is what I want to do.

Bandy I also feel angry and also worry about how my actions are coming across from a reputation standpoint...

Let me know how your applications go?

IJustDunno · 19/01/2023 15:17

I worked with someone who announced very soon after being appointed that she was pregnant. I’ll be honest - there were eye rolls including from her manager who was female.

Roll on 2 years. In management and recruitment training the same manager fessed up that person was one of the best hires she made and is now a brilliant performer (came back FT after almost a year may leave). Said she wishes she hadn’t judged given she herself has had 2 mat leaves. It was a really great discussion.

Unless you get another role at a 10 person company where this would be difficult I wouldn’t put your life on hold. Good luck.

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