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Original poster

It's another wills one

13 replies

Cantthinkofadifferentname · 08/01/2023 22:26

But slightly different angle.

So I'm joint executor for best friend's (BF) mum's will with BFs DH.

Reason being mum remarried and wanted to ensure step family didn't try to snatch assets. In the event step-father has now died and this isn't a consideration any more.

BF's mum has messaged me to say she's updating her will, wants me to be sole executor and wants to meet. I've asked if BF will be told contents of new will (she knows current), her mum has replied to say its not BF business.

I have more or less decides to decline to be an executor. The mum can give her money to whoever she likes, but I don't want to be dealing with the fallout and put tension in friendship with BF.

Do I tell BF that I'm no longer executor? If I don't and if/ when a bombshell lands, I suspect BF will be upset with me.

The mum is late 70s in reasonable health

OP posts:
Idontmeanto · 08/01/2023 22:32

why on Earth is BF’s mum not discussing plans with her?

Original poster
Cantthinkofadifferentname · 09/01/2023 06:48

Idontmeanto · 08/01/2023 22:32

why on Earth is BF’s mum not discussing plans with her?

The mum is saying nothing to do with her daughter. I disagree and I feel I'm in a very difficult position.

I think I have to say to BF I'm no longer executor

OP posts:
Januarysux · 09/01/2023 06:50

So you don't currently know what the new will is going to say? Surely this is about her not being happy with her sil anymore.
I would meet to see what is going on. I would also suggest she make her own dd her executor (if she is the beneficiary) as this is far more normal and easier all around.

Plexie · 09/01/2023 07:06

You're not obliged to act as an executor, even if named in the will, are you? So you could continue but then decline the role after her death if the contents of the will are contentious.

Or you could tell her now that you don't want to be an executor - if the risk of her second husband's family getting her assets is no longer an issue then you can use that as the reason for withdrawing.

Do you think she's going to tell her DD or son in law that the SIL is no longer an executor?

Original poster
Cantthinkofadifferentname · 09/01/2023 16:34

Januarysux · 09/01/2023 06:50

So you don't currently know what the new will is going to say? Surely this is about her not being happy with her sil anymore.
I would meet to see what is going on. I would also suggest she make her own dd her executor (if she is the beneficiary) as this is far more normal and easier all around.

The only beneficiary in the current will is her DD (my bf), she's an only child. The impression I've got is her DD will not inherit all so wouldn't want her as executor

OP posts:
LadyHarmby · 09/01/2023 16:36

Have they fallen out?

Original poster
Cantthinkofadifferentname · 09/01/2023 16:36

Plexie · 09/01/2023 07:06

You're not obliged to act as an executor, even if named in the will, are you? So you could continue but then decline the role after her death if the contents of the will are contentious.

Or you could tell her now that you don't want to be an executor - if the risk of her second husband's family getting her assets is no longer an issue then you can use that as the reason for withdrawing.

Do you think she's going to tell her DD or son in law that the SIL is no longer an executor?

I don't know what she's going to tell her DD and SIL, she may say nothing.
I just need to back out

OP posts:
Original poster
Cantthinkofadifferentname · 09/01/2023 17:16

LadyHarmby · 09/01/2023 16:36

Have they fallen out?

Not overtly. The mum is very demanding and I think this could be a control thing

OP posts:
SheilaFentiman · 09/01/2023 17:21

She can get a solicitor to be the executor.

Say no. Tell BF that you aren’t executor any more as you feel more comfortable stepping back for a professional.

unless you are a lawyer or accountant, it’s pretty weird to pick a family friend for this anyway!

LadyHarmby · 09/01/2023 17:34

Just be honest then. Say you agreed to be an executor for the specific reason of the stepfamily and that reason no longer exists, and that you’re uncomfortable getting involved with something that might be contentious. Advise she appoint a solicitor as executor.

Premiumbondbaby · 08/06/2023 10:26

@Cantthinkofadifferentname I would talk to BF mum and find out what her rationale is.

Wills and estates can bring out the worst in some people ( the best in others) and in managing Step Father’s estate the Daughter or SIL may have shown some unpleasant traits that the Mum was shocked by. Alternatively there may be concerns about SIL e.g. financially abusive, cheating, planning to divorce etc.

In my situation a legally qualified close family member showed their true colours dealing with an estate I was a beneficiary of, they were supported by other family members, even when they acted unlawfully. They were my executor but I quickly changed my will naming my god-daughter who I know holds the same values as me and would treat my beneficiaries with respect.

Nattrring · 08/06/2023 11:06

I’d also say no. Just say no.

Another one saying it’s odd to have a daughters friend as executor, not daughter. Something odd about setting up that dynamic right there.

Horrible that she’s put you in a position of knowing she’s changing her Will but her not telling her daughter. Are you going to tell your friend? I don’t see why you can’t but it puts you in the middle of a potential drama. The mother has put you in a difficult situation.

SheilaFentiman · 08/06/2023 12:52

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