How many midweek kids activities is too many?

[Blumenthal]

First of all, I have 4dcs so I know that it's bound to be busy, and I'm lucky enough to work pt and be able to work around the activities. But I'm starting to think that we're doing a bit too much.

3 of the kids do the same sporting activity that they've done for years, and up until recently they all went on the same day, but because DC1 and 2 are more advanced, they've now moved to more intensive training on 2 different weekdays instead.

So we currently have the sports training on Mon, Weds and Thurs, and 2 of the DCs also have social clubs (similar to Rainbows) on Weds and Thurs. Dh and I need to a weird tag team effort where he comes home early from work sometimes to accommodate this.

It feels like too much, and apart from everything else, the sports club is on the other side of town from our house, and there isn't anything nearby that we can do while the club is on. So we spend an hour 3 days a week sitting outside in the car waiting.

Do I just need to suck it up? They've put a lot into the sports activity over the years, and same with the social activities, so I'm not keen on dropping anything, but it just feels like so much!

You need to find some other parents you can share pick ups and drop offs with! It lessens the load. Can any of the dc get themselves to any of the activities?

How old are they?

Unfortunately not strictly as they are all still young enough. Can't share dropoffs either because nobody in our area does the same sports training, and with the social activities there's a crossover, which means that the kids doing those need to be looked after for an hour while I take the others to sports, hence dh coming home early.

putting they're all aged 10 and under, but have been doing the sports and social clubs since 4.

That doesn’t sound that much tbh.

You effectively have 7 activities between 4 kids?

I only have two kids but they do 7 during the week between them. (And then one each at the weekend plus quite a lot of events / competitions - Dh drove about 150 miles today to take dd to something.)

It is a right pain from our point of view but we both had parents who took us to activities and enjoyed them (and actually met as a result of the activities) so it would be wrong to deny them of the opportunity just because I can’t really be arsed.

My two do clubs Tues, Thurs and Fri and it's too much. They also do after school clubs on Mon/Wed while I'm at work which obviously don't really impact me logistically but it's just more evenings we are home later.

I don't have the answer because Thursday is swimming which we've only just started because they absolutely have to learn to swim but it has definitely been the tipping point. They don't even get dressed at the weekend they're so knackered.

For us, 2 days a week of stuff we actively had to take them to was okay. But 3 days is proving difficult to manage.

You are likely to be spending more than an hour in the car waiting for kids at various activities over the next few years! Good book, catching up with work, going for a run or dojng a walk and chatting to a friend/ parent etc are the ways in which I utilise the time. In other words, I would definitely encourage you to suck it up if your dcs are enjoying the activity.

So it’s only 1 sport each plus the rainbow-ish thing for the younger ones? That isn’t that much at all tbh, it’s just that there are 4 of them and possibly unlucky timing that there’s a Wednesday clash.

Yep, that doesn’t sound like too much.

It doesn't sound too much once you consider that this is four children's worth.

It would be a lot of that was your schedule for one child.

My DS does two sports and swimming; DD one sport twice a week, swimming and learns an instrument. We have something most nights and weekend mornings. It’s a lot but they both love everything they do. They get downtime as well, we’ve barely done anything this weekend for example. If they ever wanted to stop we would (apart from the swimming - that’s a life skill and I insist they learn that).

So each child does one or two activities? I don't think that sounds too much. It's more of a logistics problem. Not sure what the solution is though.

Can you move any of it to a weekend day? Get a babysitter to take them? It's the sort of thing a responsible teenager could do.

That doesn't sound that much tbh

My general rule is 2 activities/clubs per child (if they want to, less is also fine) plus swimming lessons and music lessons. I have 3 DC. Between them, they have stuff after school on Monday to Thursdays and Saturday and Sunday mornings. It is a juggling act but just about doable. My DH and I share out the ferrying to/from places and, whenever possible, we try to get them involved in activities that we can walk or bike to, which I find less stressful then sitting in a car in traffic trying to get somewhere on time. My eldest is 13 and has started being able to get herself to places independently or will organise lifts with friends parents so it feels like we’re entering a new era.

Not too much it seems then! For those of you suggesting weekend activities instead, we used to have one of the sports classes at the weekend, but it got moved to midweek when the kids went up a level. Dh and I agreed that we'd like to keep the weekends clear of activities because it's the only family time we get, and we like to go hiking/cycling/on day trips.

I think that if you are wanting to keep weekends free then it is almost inevitable that weekdays will be busy.

How long until your 3rd child moves up / 4th child can start the sport?

My son does martial arts twice a week where I have to sit in the car and wait or go for a run, he then has footy training twice a week and a match most weekends, I think most kids do a lot.

Agree that doesn’t sound too much. I have one child and they do 2 clubs. I think this is fairly typical, some I know do 3 things. So 7 between 4 children sounds about normal.

DD(10) does 2 clubs and one instrument. She's just been moved up groups which means the 2 clubs are now twice a week. DS does 2 clubs. I spend 1-2 hours twice a week sat waiting for them. It's tedious but I'd rather that than screen time battles🤷‍♀️

I'd always cut weekly swimming unless it's their favourite sport - imo children learn far better at intensive courses in the holidays, or better still going swimming every day for a week with you in the holidays. And they get so shattered swimming in the evenings.

Sounds really tough but also not that weird for 4 children. I'd prioritise making connections to share those lifts with, at least for Brownies or similar? Even if it takes another year to get there it's something to aim for.

The only day we don't have an activity of Tuesday. Every other day of the week at least one of them has an activity some days all 3. I think it sounds normal.

I don't think it's too much. Currently DH sits in a cafe for one hour while DD has her drama class. It's too far away for her to go on her own. He either reads, does some work or does hobby related paperwork (Scout chairman).

Until Summer I sat outside in the car during her singing class for 45 minutes, also with a book or did a stroll around the corner waiting for her.

DD is now 15 and stuff gets dropped so more evenings at home and also clubs are a lot later which means it works better with our work schedule.