What is wrong with me

[Dontknowwhattodo2023]

NC as it’s obviously embarrassing.

I’m 27 and I’ve only ever had one official boyfriend when I was 15. I’ve seen a lot of guys never longer than a couple of months. I feel like everyone’s lives as passing me by. All my friends are in relationships and with children, I’m starting to get the pity-full looks. People tell me I’m attractive and a nice person but clearly that isn’t enough.

I always see people and they end up cheating on my with the person they ultimately end up with. This has started the good luck chuck jokes from people I know.

I always take time between each person to reset myself and then someone kinda pops up. I also always just see how it goes and don’t put pressure on the situation.

All of my friends parents are surprised that I’m single. My ex’s dad (our parents our friends) is shocked, he doesn’t intentionally do it but brings it up every time I see him.

I feel like there is something wrong me.

The last guy I was seeing we’d been friends for years and the timing hadn’t worked out. We started going on dates and he was making plans for holidays and things to do then suddenly his business got business and he felt I deserved better. Since then he seems to message me every so often which is annoys me as he doesn’t seem to want to date but more keep him in my mind.

I’m on dating apps but it’s exhausting.

Should also note I seem to have the problem that people just want to sleep with me.

Are you selecting your potential partners properly, ideally from a “target-rich” environment?

How are you weeding out the dross?

@Parrotid what do you mean target rich?

i don’t really have a method to weed anyone in or out. I normally chat to them and see how I feel

There’s your problem.

ok so “target-rich” - a place where the men you wish to date (the type of men) are plentiful.

So you need to work out what you want;

eg - someone who wants a committed relationship/kids/marriage

has a career/holds down a job

is in a financially healthy state

has the level of intellect you want

That sort of thing.

Going on the examples I’ve just used, I’d have thought a paid dating site would be far better than a free one. Plus you can vet their profiles. Have a few online convos, meet up within a couple of weeks and see how it goes.

@Parrotid oh I see. I don’t know if I want to online date tbh. It’s exhausting and the two people I’ve seen off there have both cheated on me

Ok so you need to hang out where the type of men you want to meet, also might be. So think about where that is, and make it your business to be there.

Dont dismiss online dating, it can really help bypass a whole load of wasted time and effort so long as you weed out the dead wood. Find a good paid-for site and get an interesting profile and go from there.

Otherwise you’re just waiting for fate to sling your perfect love across the bonnet of your car one day. That’s unlikely to happen. So you have to make it happen.

There’s nothing the matter with you, you just need to work out what you want and know it when you see it.

I'm similar boat, for me it's trust issues, and making sure the person is on the level, as a close friend I know, would seem ideal but also has anger issues, which at first it was always the whole philosophy they had of so laid back and easy going, yet the truth is, she would tear my head off at times and it's like omg over little things ect.

That and she has not suggested she's interested in me, for more than friends so for now we are just friends.

Because if I was to suggest taking things further I think she would shoot down the idea straight away and I don't want to pickle the friendship.

Oh well, park her and think “NEXT”!

What about friends of friends? Nearly all the successful marriages I know are between friends of friends. Be pro active - when you go out, ask friends to bring someone they think you might like? Or friends of friends partners - do they know or work with anyone who’s looking?
What about slightly older men who might be keener to settle down?
Could you meet someone through an activity? Does your work do charity events? I agree with above - think of the qualities you’re looking for and then think about where you will meet those men. Don’t just expect him to wander into your life, seek them out.
In my close friendship group, we all met our husbands around 25-30 and it was all through connections we already had (uni friends of a girlfriend, home friend of a uni friend, work colleague of a friend etc)

Also, are your friends starting to get married? A couple met at my wedding (the brother of my work friend and a girl I went to uni with) and they’ve been married for 15 years! Another one of my close friends met her husband at a wedding of our other friend as well. Plus the advantage with these is that they come Pre vetted by your friends!

I don’t have loads of friends.

A lot have phased out as they have got married and had kids. They do more couples things.

I went to a wedding at weekend but alot of people already married/ in relationships.

I WFh 5 days a week and moved jobs during covid. I’m also not based near site.

My only activity is going to the gym. I do have some people I’m friendly with but not really outside of there.

I normally do go older but they seem really immature.

Last guy that was my friend, I really put myself back out there to him recently and he’s clearly not interested despite him being the one to initial the whole thing and seem more serious from the offset.