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Original poster

So my dd15 is seeing a boy, she wants to date him but he doesn’t want to date her just see her …..

45 replies

PromQueenDiamond · 08/01/2023 17:33

So personally I think we’ll he’s not that into her, and perhaps he’s a user
they go to school together and she sees him outside of school once a week

anyway how would you feel in this situation and what would you say to your dd?

they've been seeing each other good couple of months

Part of me thinks, as we are close and she tells me everything
do I just know too much ?

I mean I wouldn’t have told my parents this at 15

OP posts:
Original poster
PromQueenDiamond · 08/01/2023 18:17

BluIsTheColour · 08/01/2023 18:16

When I was that age we called it "meeting". U weren't official bf/gf and u cld "meet" other ppl. It cld go on for a few weeks or a month or more but most of the time it would then turn in to bf/gf or u just don't bother anymore.

It's quite unusual though If it's been a few months. In her shoes I'd give an ultimatum either we are now bf/gf or nothing at all. As u say if he likes her he wld agree. I'd be worried they cld sleeping together and he's totally using her (not saying that is happening for sure). He is totally going to knock her confidence. Reason she isn't walking is because she really likes him 🙁 Hope she tells him where to go!

I agree that’s what I’d be saying too

im also worried as lots of my friends had bad first time experiences
and it did seem to harm them

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Original poster
PromQueenDiamond · 08/01/2023 18:19

So is the general feeling it’s good she’s telling me all this ?
as I do worry I know too much

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Janedoe82 · 08/01/2023 18:20

She is maybe willing to put up with crumbs as besotted with him/ thinks she loves him and hopes that one day he will want her as much as she wants him. Tale as old as time.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Dating General relationships
Homecomin · 08/01/2023 18:21

Sounds like you have a lovely relationship and have warned her suitably. All you can do now is be there to pick up the pieces if needs be

Original poster
PromQueenDiamond · 08/01/2023 18:21

Also thank you so much for chatting to me about this as I don’t really have many teen mum friends to chat to in real life as most my fiends have younger children so they just don’t get teen issues at all
💐🍷

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AgenceGrateau · 08/01/2023 18:30

I'd really recommend the Lalalalaletmeexplain Instagram/TikTok accounts for you (and for you to share with her if you think it's appropriate.
She has a book called block delete and move on and I very much recommend that too - it'll help her spot idiots and avoid them.
I agree at 15 it's not that serious but she's in her formative relationship years so should start as she means to go on! (Beducate is also a great resource for teen relationships/sex too)

Original poster
PromQueenDiamond · 08/01/2023 18:38

Thanks for recommending that

I will check them out

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Original poster
PromQueenDiamond · 08/01/2023 18:38

So hard sometimes this teen parenting

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Teapot13 · 08/01/2023 18:38

I would worry too but I think it’s sensible to keep things casual at fifteen. The question is, is his position, “I really like spending time with you but I‘m not ready for a serious relationship” OR “you’re fine for now but I’m keeping my options open.” (1)-sensible, (2)-disrespectful.

Cornelious · 08/01/2023 18:44

I'm not sure I know what the difference is at that age? I'd be happy it was low key.

When I was that age (and a big younger) the saying was 'will you see me?'. We never used the word 'dating'.

mycatsanutter · 08/01/2023 18:46

@Teapot13 the lad won't admit to number 2 though . Op What I would be concerned about is if he starts talking /kissing other girls he can then turn to your dd and justify it by saying ' well I told you we weren't together properly' . I would ask her to make a decision - either they are a couple or they aren't . I just think she could end up getting hurt more with it being like this .

toocold54 · 08/01/2023 18:47

As an adult I will say I am ‘seeing’ someone but still be exclusive.

This is the time when we are getting to know each other and going on dates, having fun etc but not meeting parents or making anything official.

Tbh it depends on how he’s treating her which is the most important part.

They could be bf and gf and he could tell her he loves her every day, but treat her like shit.
Or they can choose to say they’re just seeing each other and he could treat her really well.

Stompythedinosaur · 08/01/2023 19:15

I think I'm clearly too old as I struggle to see the difference between "seeing" and "dating". But it sounds like maybe the issue is not wanting his mates to know he's seeing her, or wanting to see other girls, and neither speaks very well of him. He clearly isn't treating her respectfully.

Crimeismymiddlename · 08/01/2023 19:26

I thought seeing was the same as dating-I always say seeing as I find the word dating cringe. He probably is not that into her-but that’s a lesson best learned young.

Original poster
PromQueenDiamond · 08/01/2023 21:25

They don’t go out on dates they go to his to watch tv and go on walks but no dates

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Original poster
PromQueenDiamond · 09/01/2023 09:34

Thanks so much to everyone taking the time to chat to me about this as it’s been worrying me

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Mischance · 09/01/2023 09:40

They are young and putting a toe in the water. Just let them experiment with relationships in their own way. The language around "dating" is different for teenagers. It sounds a good situation to me - more of a friendship than dating - a good way to start.

Yes, she probably will get hurt - but didn't we all when we first started out on relationships with the opposite sex. Just be there for her.

WandaWonder · 09/01/2023 09:43

I think you are putting a lot of grown up intense thoughts on to a child

What is wrong in them just being a little more than friends and this being all OK for their age?

frozendaisy · 09/01/2023 10:41

She is 15, I would tell her if she's having fun, isn't doing anything she doesn't want to, the ground rules whatever they are are equal, she doesn't invest too much into the relationship or change any of her future goals for him, then just enjoy it if she wants.

But the moment it stops being enjoyable or the goal posts change and she doesn't feel like an equal to just ditch and move on.

Soozikinzii · 09/01/2023 10:47

I definitely its good she is telling you all this . 100% . What she decides to do is up to her but there do seem to be very complex stages now . But keep the lines of communication open yes definitely.

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