Why is everyone always so busy?

[cloudychance]

Trying to prioritise seeing more friends in 2023 as since I had DD I've been in a bit of a fog with adjusting to new mum life.

However everytime I've messaged people we're having to find dates that are as late as autumn this year!

I feel like although I'm juggling a full time job, a child and a household I still don't think I'm anywhere near as busy as everyone else seems to be.

I can't understand why everyone is so so much busier than me - is it just me? Do I need to get more of a life 

Maybe they aren't fully booked all that time but don't want to over overcrow their diaries. Eg only one event on a weekend. Some free weekends. Two holiday with free weekends either side ?

Autumn does sound a bit nuts

Oh man, we are always free!

Hope you manage to get something organised!
Do your friends have older kids? I find I'm busier the older mine get as they have more and more on, but they're not old enough to be going places on their own.
Also it depends on their family support...I think i am always very awkward to try and arrange things with as DH is my "childcare" and he works long and unsociable shifts. So when I say I can't make a date or time it's just that I can't actually get out then!

I’m with you OP I don’t understand it. I really don’t know what people find to fill their time with until autumn! But I’ve always erred on the spontaneous side of things and would feel claustrophobic to have my life planned to that degree beyond holidays etc.

I think everyone is struggling after Christmas and covid and just everything is difficult at the moment.

They probably haven't got time until Autumn. Things are stagnant in the UK.

My free time has become significantly more booked up since my child started primary school. Are their kids older than yours?

How old are all the children in this scenario?

As kids get older they have parties and plays dates and clubs alongside the monotony of school and work and parental hobbies and time with other friends and time to spend as a family, as a couple and so on.

If I'm honest I prioritise the people I love the most both friends and family.

Perhaps they're just not as good frie da as you think they are op.

Even my good friends I probably only see once a quarter. I like down time too!

I’m that person
I have at least one weekend a month booked until august 🙈

Are you talking about weekends away ?
Or finding a date that several people can all make ?
In which case I can understand that.

Or are you talking about a meal in a local pub with one pal ?

In which case that seems extreme (and I'd probably fall in the 'busy people' category).

I feel your pain , got fed up . making dates with friends was like military precision and months in advance . Basically I am cultivating more local friendships where people don't need 6 months notice of a get together

For me it's that I have to know that dp will be home for the children, he also works shifts so on his Nightshifts, weekends and backshifts I need to be home for the children which narrows options and can means we only have one weekend out of 4 where I don't have DC duties, we don't have any other weekend or evening childcare options.

Then we need family time and couple time too and also DP might have something on with his friends or DC might have commitments like travelling for sports clubs. Once we balance up everything I might well be saying 'oh there's one Saturday night in June I could do, after that it'll be october.' I don't like it and it not because I'm busy it's just the way our family life is just now.

I’m always booked 2 months ahead. I think it’s cause I have people I meet up with at weekends regularly and at the end of a get together we put the next 1 or 2 in the diary. Works well as it means the meet ups happen. Can also leave little free time.

I've got a friend like this, shes never able to find a weekend that suits but wants to meet me on a weekday, meaning I need to take time off which I just can't do even though I'm self-employed. Tbh, I've given up on her, i just can't be arsed with trying to fit into her extremely booked up life anymore.

I’m rarely booked up that far ahead, but I think it depends on a few things:

• Childcare issues like shift work as a PP has mentioned, or a partner already having a social event booked for that weekend.
• Activities - especially if their children are school age. My daughter has dance class and swimming class at weekends, and she now gets homework, plus her social life too (birthday parties)
• Locality - if I’m meeting up with a local friend, it’s easy to fit in an hour for a coffee. But if it’s further away, I’d want to make the most of it, so would want to meet for lunch, spend the afternoon with them. This means it’s harder to find the time to arrange something. Also applies to visiting family if you’re not nearby - we probably visit family three times a year, and they visit us three times a year.
• Housework - I need time at the weekend to catch up on household stuff, as I work Mon-Fri. So if I have one busy weekend, I know it’s easier if the next weekend is free to catch up on everything. Boring but true!
• Needing downtime - weekends are my only time to relax and do nothing. If DH takes DD out for the afternoon, I could use that time to meet friends, or I could stay at home and enjoy the peace and quiet. Some weeks are very busy at work, and I really need that time to myself.
• Wanting to have family time and couple time - really only possible at the weekends.

So, there’s lots of things that added up could block out someone’s calendar for a while.