Dreading a big work meeting tomorrow, how to not let it ruin my Sunday

[atruggling]

I've got a big all-day meeting tomorrow. I work remotely and I'm not really close with any of my colleagues. I am absolutely dreading it, I'm rubbish at networking and nervous about walking into a room of 250 colleagues, when I'm not close to any of them. I don't know who to approach and where to stand/sit. I feel like a complete fish out of water (it's my first role in the private sector and it's been a bit of a culture shock).

I have to get up at 5:30am to get there on time. I've had some quite serious health issues recently and the fatigue is incredulous and I don't know how I'm going to manage it.

I'm currently applying to other jobs as I know this is a really poor fit for me, I've never felt so anxious and out of place in a job before. But for the time being I need to just get on with things, does anyone have any advice?

I think it's natural to feel nervous and out of your depth in a new job. Add remote working in and it's understandable you feel uncomfortable. Think about why you wanted this job in the first place and what you want to achieve longer term. Wear an outfit that makes you feel confident and comfortable.

I'd walk in, maybe a few minutes early so you're not walking into a packed room. Grab a hot drink, make small talk 'have you travelled far', 'what dept do you work in'etc. Break the day down into sections and mentally tick each section off which can help you manage the day.

Do you need to present? Lunch communally?

Normal to feel like that. You'll get used to it eventually. Be happy in your own company, get a drink, stand facing people and chat to those who approach and initiate conversation.

Thank you both, I didn't even think about going to get a drink. I'll do that once I get there, it helps knowing I have something to 'do' when I get there if that makes sense.

I've been at the company a year and a half, so I can't even blame being new or it being the impact of COVID. I just feel completely out of my depth :(

You'll be fine. Go and grab a coffee, then find a nice seat (I like towards the back on the side so that I can slide out easily if I need the loo) and then saunter to the water dispenser to fill your water bottle up so you look like someone who has popped her stuff down and is getting sorted. Smile a lot and say 'Hi' brightly, then if you see any faces/names you recognise you can say 'oh, its lovely to finally meet you, how are you?' and then if they aren't chatty, you can wiggle your water bottle and say 'anyway, must get this filled up, see you later'. If you feel particularly lost, sit down and look at some emails on your phone, since no one can object to that, and if anyone snarky did comment on you sitting on your own you can say 'oh, you know how it is, just needed to get a response in to this asap, no peace for the wicked'.
But try and get to the people you work directly with, you never know this could be a turning point of feeling part of things

Fake it til you make it!

I hate these sorts of things too but now i slap on a smile; tell myself I won't be the only one feeling apprehensive and just start chatting.

Remember people love to talk about themselves..so ask did it take them long to arrive, what are they looking forward to during the meeting, who else do they know etc etc and you will find you might not have to say much.

The first few times I was so awkward and sometimes it can be hard going if you meet someone who isn't chatty but you can just excuse yourself.."lovely to talk to you.." and go and find the biscuits 😉

Comfy clothes prepped, comfy shoes prepped, bag packed, food/water packed - will make you feel calm and ready for tomorrow.

Make the journey fun - something good to read / listen to both ways will make you look forward to it.

Decide how many new people you'd like to meet with - 5 or 7 is a nice number. Takes the pressure off being 'networking ready' all day.

Prepping dinner for tomorrow will give you a feeling of coming home to something ready and soothing.

I used to have early starts on Mondays so I feel your pain!

Loads of people hate these types of events. You'll see lots of people quietly looking at their phones so don't worry if you end up doing that sometimes.

Good advice above.
Something which helps me is to think of nice things waiting at home after the meeting: good food, a favourite programme on the telly, putting your feet up, getting in to bed early with a book!

Oh I thought you were going to say you're presenting at the meeting hence the dread. If you're just attending as one of hundreds of other employees try not to stress. Lots of others will feel exactly the same as you and it's just one day. Just be prepared for answering the question "so how was your Christmas holiday?" many, many times.

Worst case scenario spend the break times on MN but with an intense expression so people think you busy managing work matters. We'll cover for you

I now work on the basis that everyone else hates these as much as I do.
What time does it start? And is there a time for coffee etc beforehand?
If it's a 9am start with coffee from 8.30, I'd aim to be at the venue for 8.30 so I was confident I wouldn't be late but take a walk around the block until at least 8.40. Then I'd go in and try and get an idea of what the layout was. If there didn't seem to be many people/bags in the room where the training was happening, I'd go to the loo. Then I'd glance at the room again. My aim is to get a table where there are a few people already but not only one seat left as that minimises the chances of me being the odd one out with a gang of people who all know each other. Depending on what was going on, I'd go and get a coffee or water or might stay at my seat checking my phone. There's normally some work emails I can reply to or compose or look busy at without resorting to social media which always looks a bit rude.
At lunch time, I tend to take my time getting my stuff together, go to the loo and then join the queue at the back. My experience is that if you smile and make even the most mundane small talk, you will be greeted warmly by others who are feeling equally lost and lonely. And then it's natural to progress to sitting together to eat. I then tend to make a comment about needing to get some fresh air and go for another walk around the block.

D you work more closely with some than others? Could you message 1 or 2 to arrange to meet up?

I wouldn't go with fake it till you make it, saying "hi, lovely to finally meet you in person - I'm a tiny bit nervous / out of my comfort zone today" and smiling would make me say "oh, me too - let's grab a coffee and sit together eh?"

I've been to loads of these things, I usually try and meet up with the closest person to me on whatever team I'm part of, if just to sit together and get lunch with each other.

I don't fatigue early but I was in agony by about lunchtime so made sure I took my painkillers when I got there and before my journey home.

I've got two people in mind to approach, hoping that I manage to find them and then I can sit with them. It doesn't help that the two colleagues I work most closely with are both not attending.

I have tomorrow's outfit sorted, and will pack my bag now. I'm not sure if I need my work laptop but it's probably best to bring it just in case.

If you have your laptop, thats even better should you find yourself adrift at lunch - though just look for someone else by themself and they will also be happy to chat - you can open your laptop and look like you are super busy. Just having a plan as to what you will do if you feel nervous is great. I've met so many people over the lunch pudding selection and you can always make light conversation about food!