Is it worth going to the CMS?

[Exdpisatwat]

Ex dp is a twat. Cm has always been sporadic and only if he has it to spare, rather than it being the first priority. He changes jobs every 6 months or so, goes long periods unemployed to 'pursue his art' and lives in a converted van with no fixed address.

He has now found a new job but the excuses about why he can't pay have already started. I'm so tired of having the same fight and feel like just handing it over to cms but is it worth it if he has no fixed address and constantly changes jobs?

Please no comments about "why did you have kids with this man?". I have already asked myself this question over and over. I come from a pretty horrific background but am now doing ok with dc and they want for nothing. Part of me thinks that I should just forget it and not ask him for any money. But another part says well its not my money, its for the dc, and I should be their voice and fight for them. Going to the cms would make him angry as even the tiniest slight against his inflated ego leads to tantrums and foot stamping. I dont particularly care about his temper tantrums, but its not worth going there if the cms cannot do anything. What would you do?

You’ll get none of those comments from me. My ex only turned into an absolute arsehole when I left him - In his mind I turned into the devil who “sponged off” him for years and he didn’t want to give “me” a penny.

I found CMS useless to go honest. He told them he earned less than he did.

CMS 100%. You literally have nothing to loose.

You might not get anything but it is worth trying through CMS, you've got nothing to lose.

Years ago when I met dh he had 2 dc's. His Ds lived with him 5 days and 2 days with ex dw. His dd lived with dh 2 days and 5 with the ex. So childcare was shared equally. She had a big pay out from dh meaning he had a huge loan and she had a House mortgage free. Fair enough I guess as that's what happens with divorce. But the CSA wanted all his income details, my income details once I moved in, the wanted him to pay the ex quite a lot. They didn't take into account the loan dh was paying off, they wanted a % of my wages. We felt they massively favoured the mother. He paid it all. The ex had a partner who earned well, she bought a house almost next door him. But didn't move in with him until the dd was 18 and child maintenance stopped.
So I'd go for it if I were you. Maybe they still favour the mother.

They dont take partners wage into account anymore

Tbh .. yes i woukd regisar with cns. I get £7 a week from ex.. i thinknit reminds him he has a legal obligation to support his dc.

If he is working it or not you woukd get a minimum of £7 a week assuming he claims benefits.

It also removes the need for a conversation on the subject.

Yep you have nothing to lose go to CMS

I found the CSA (later the CMS) to be very helpful.

They took two burdens off my shoulders:

1. I went from £0 to £430 per month. I believe (although I'm not 100% sure) that they 'garnished' his wages
2. They dealt with him, and therefore I didn't have to. They handled all the angry telephone behaviour, the swearing, the hang-ups. They were very much on my side - well, the children's side.

He was another man who didn't indicate his complete arseholery until after I was pregnant with our 2nd child.

Try to provide the CMS with as much information as possible as early as possible.

Not for me I still get nothing and cms don’t do anything

I would go to them then forget about it. Anything is better than nothing.

Thank you everyone. I'll do it first thing tomorrow then it's done and I can forget about it.

Solidarity and support to everyone going through the same thing. Ex is a master at talking himself up as a person of high morals, honest, trustworthy and caring towards his children but his actions are the total opposite. I wish they taught red flags amd manipulation in schools. Imagine how many lives would be improved.

Oh yes, blah blah blah, I’m so wonderful. Some of them are full of it!

My ds is an adult now, I went to an old friends wedding and ex dh was also there. I sat open mouthed as I listened to him consoling someone who was upset that her ex was trying to wriggle out of paying maintenance. He was talking about “dead beat men” who won’t pay and how awful they are and I felt like I had slipped in to a parallel universe and the last 18 years had never happened! Prick!

My ex constantly job hopped and they could never pin him down. Said it was up to me to prove where he worked. So I found them crap but you've got nothing to lose if you're not getting anything at the No anyway

I suppose you have nothing to lose.

My ex never paid anything. We split when DS was 10.
3 years ago, I received a letter from CMS saying they were closing the case, due to the impossibility of tracking him down.
So, I put his name in to Facebook, and a photo of him, his work van and an advert for his side business, complete with location and phone number popped up. It took me 2 minutes.
So, I gave them that information, and I now receive £20 a week - for our 29 year old! The balance owing is £22,000.

I certainly don't feel that they ever favoured me, on account of being the mother.