Private School? Bullying

[SablesRoses]

Hi

My son is currently having a bad time at his state school, the main problem has been bullying. He was previously bullied for months, verbally, racially and physically. School failed to protect him or deal with the bullies until I threatened them OFSED and the police, that’s when the main bully was permanently excluded.

Things then died down, and my son was enjoying school again. First day back into the new term, he encountered a problem with two girls who are in the year below, it all stemmed from them asking for his Snapchat/Instagram account, when he told them he didn’t have it they become very nasty. To cut things short, they went and told their male friends that my son has been rude to them, with resulted to him being punched in the head, and also physically assaulted again by one of the girls the next day.

My son suffers from Aspergers, but you wouldn’t know unless he told you, or you lived with us. He has a close group of friends and generally enjoys going to school, because he loves to learn 🙂

I notified the school and they have arranged for me to meet with them tomorrow, they’ve assured me that they will deal with all those involved.

My son does not want to go back to school, he says that he is tired of being bullied and people being nasty to him.

Now, I was thinking about moving him to Private School, I don’t really know how to go about it.

Is it a simple process of calling and asking if they have any spaces?

Has anyone here transitioned their child from state secondary to private?

If you have a child at private school; how do they deal with bullying?

If so, do you think it would be the right choice for me?

If you haven’t, please feel free to comment, I am grateful for all and any advice.

Bullying goes on at private schools too unfortunately.

@RandomMess

Yes, so I’ve heard but surely they deal with it?

Sometimes not, or not in your favour especially if the bully has siblings at the school. They will look at the financial interests of the school, more pupils, reputation? Who knows like state schools they are not one homogeneous group.

They’re better at dealing with it yes but they’re also more demanding of day to say behavioural standards so there isn’t the same free for all. My kids for example get told off for squinty ties, untucked shirts, talking in line. My son has Asperger’s and prefers the discipline.

However bullies don’t necessarily get kicked out or suspended more easily - the school just deal with them more promptly and effectively I think as well.

My child’s private school has a very strong and robust anti-bullying policy which they actually follow through on, and it was one of the reasons I chose the school, as my own school-days were ruined by bullying.

They may or may not have a space, there may be selection process even outside normal entry points(academic and interview), they may or may not cater well for those with Additional Needs and don't assume there is no bullying or disruptive behaviour. Are the fees affordable long term?

Is it a simple process of calling and asking if they have any spaces?

Yes, it is.

Tell the new school why you want to leave your current school and ask for their view on how your son would not be bullied at the new school if you chose it.

Bullying is horrible. I really feel for your son.

Bullying goes on everywhere and at all ages.

Yes you just phone up and ask about spaces and take it from there.
My own experience (girls) was that yes there was some bullying but very low level compared to what you describe and it was dealt with robustly, at one point because fundamentally a couple of queen bee type mothers didn't like each other and the daughters were carrying on in a similar vein at school, a whole year group letter was sent out to all parents about expected standards of behaviour which seemed to stop it.

I will say one thing though: they’re not all decent with special needs. I am surprised how little leeway or adjustment my son gets despite EHCP.

@LIZS Hello 🙂

My son has Aspergers but he is able to focus in a classroom, as above you wouldn’t know unless he told you or you lived with us.

He doesn’t have any additional needs, he is very intelligent and in the top set of every subject, he great at Art and also plays Football for a premier league academy squad, they too are very happy with him.

Yes fees are affordable for me long term, I sent him to state primary and secondary people I want him to remain humble and grounded, there were absolutely no problems are primary school, but he has been a target for bullying at secondary school.

My main worry, is that he will not adjust at new school especially private school.

Private schools are worse in my experience

Your statement 'he doesn't have any additional needs' worries me.

Your son is autistic. He sounds like he is coping well at the moment. However, from personal experience, that can sadly change all too quickly.

The fact that he has been the victim of two separate spares of bullying suggests to me that there may be some difficulties with his social skills which other pupils are picking up on.

As a previous poster has said, private schools can be particularly poor at dealing with SEND, and students end up being 'managed out'.

It's more important to look for a school with a really robust behaviour policy and excellent SEND support, whether that's a private or state school.

I think I would want to give him a fresh start, whether that is state or private school, especially as he has expressed that he doesn't want to go back to his current school. If the private school is the only option, then obviously go for that, but otherwise I would look at all the local schools and see which one you feel would be the best fit.

BTW, all schools will consider an ASD diagnosis an additional need. Additional needs doesn't mean "learning disability".

Hello,

On the first occasion, it was a group of “misfits” that decided that they wanted to pick on my child, he has never been bullied by the “popular children” they have always stuck up for him, and told the culprits to leave alone.

Second occasion (most recent) two girls asked for my sons social media accounts, and when said he didn’t have it, that’s when they turned nasty.

Since starting secondary school; my son has attracted the attention of girls, who frequently ask him does he have a girlfriend, does he have SnapChat/Instagram or their friend likes him.

My son does not understand why they are asking him that, he is still very innocent in that kind of way.

It is nothing to do with his social skills, he is friendly, kind with a good heart and has never had issues making friends.

How old is he?

My son is autistic and went to private school

The extent of the bullying he faced only came out when he was diagnosed at almost 15. It was brutal

His school had a zero tolerance to bullying but it was all a load of marketing bullshit.

Private schools are businesses and they don’t give a shiny shit about anything other than money. They’ll tell you what you want to hear then process the kids through the same old sausage factory. Some will benefit but others will flounder.

My son didn’t fare too badly until he hit pre-teen and teen years then the social disabilities he had made everything so much harder. Other children can spot it a mile off and they are not kind.

Wherever he goes you will have to fight and advocate for your child. It’s exhausting.

Good luck with whatever you choose.

Oh, forgot to say, mine was flying high academically then when it became harder for the teachers to teach him because he learned differently most of them made it his problem and he ended up with lower grades than he could have got. Still good and I’m immensely proud of him but no thanks to the very expensive school.

@LIZS 14
@NCschool That’s exactly what I am worried about; I am in London and private schools here range for 7k-9k per term.