Does anyone else live in a 'dead' marriage?

[Testingtwo]

Ideally, the obvious solution is to live separately but the fact of the matter is that I cannot financially support myself and the children and it would be a massive upheaval for them. I was going to wait till about 7 years before they leave for uni / work and become more independent and then think about moving out.

I know everyone will tell me to leave but we get on okay and life is okay. We don't argue / quarrel. Our marriage is just dead. There's no love in it. We've been sleeping in separate rooms for over 2 years. I don't love him and I don't think he loves me either. Our lives have become more and more separate and I've barely noticed or cared.

Does anyone else live like this - how was it long term?

Bump

It's really not a good example to show them of marriage. How old are they? 7 years is a long time to be in a loveless marriage. I know how daunting it is though. Maybe try talking to your husband about where to go from here?

And yes, I did live a bit like this for years although my ex said he tried hard to save the marriage (he didn't but it wouldn't have worked anyway).

I was in this situation until recently and know quite a few people who admit to it when they know are the same. I regret that my DC have had a poor example of a relationship but realistically it was the only possibility.

My brother and his wife are in this situation and have been for several years now. They are both decent people, who are very focussed on doing the best for their children, and I feel very sad for them.

I think it is enormously harmful to their teen children; it's sad to watch how emotionally closed-off and anxious the children are becoming as the years go on. They alway seem startled to see the warmth and affection between DH and I.

Children always know/sense a lot more than they let on. Remember that this cold relationship is what they will consider a 'normal' marriage, and what they are likely to subconsciously seek out for themselves. No amount of monetary privilege will make for a happy adulthood for them if they don't know what a good relationship looks like, or what being happily single looks like.

If you do insist on staying, at least try, at some point, to be honest with your children that this is not a good relationship model, so that they have some chance of avoiding it for themselves.

Yes OP, I'm in this situation too. No abuse and we both respect and care for each other but we aren't lovers and there's no intimacy.

It's been a few years now and while not happy for me, it is manageable given the alternative. I worry a lot about the example we are setting for DCs, but the alternative is worse - EOW parenting at best. Supporting two useable households is not possible. So what other option is there?

No answers I'm afraid, but certainly empathy.

I think its common and quite normal when you've been with someone for such a long time.