What I've noticed the most is that people can't stand you dealing with other customers, they want you to behave like they're the only ones, they want to behave like they're the only ones and get very shitty when you ask them to consider other customers or respect the building/furniture or shock horror, not treat the staff appallingly. They seem to confuse server with servant.
It's about power, and a culture has developed where customers know they will not just get away with what in any other 'relationship' would be considered bullying or abuse, they may well be actively rewarded for it. Behaving like that makes them feel powerful, they're picking on someone who they are well aware can't fight back at all - the definition of bullying.
Hospitality in general is seriously short-staffed right now, you think employers/management would treat everyone a little better in order to retain staff, instead it's just getting worse.
The jobs are there for the taking right now and those employers who don't realise they're the reason that no one wants to work there will find themselves with few staff who probably aren't very good at the job, not invested and give crap service, because the decent ones will leave.
Part of the reason for the 'poor' service people seem to bleat on about incessantly these days is because of the way it's viewed in general, the way people are treated by the employer and the general public. In order to give great service, you have to have a certain skill set, but it's not valued at all, it's not seen as worth anything by society, it's seen as a job anyone can do and derided for that, viewed as not important - yet people complain bitterly when it's not done right, so clearly it is important.
In short, by not valuing and actively deriding or completely disregarding the skills required, we (collectively - society) have created this issue.
The mindset of the general public, as well as the hospitality employers needs to change if we want good service. You can't degrade people to the point we have in an industry and then still expect people to work in it and put the effort in.
@TheTiredBartender
Can you look for another job instead of leaving the industry? Word of mouth is often the best way to find out about a decent place, I am a hospitality veteran too and I have found the independent places are often better, may not be able to pay as much as bigger companies, but treat their staff much better.
I went into a few places I applied to and got a feel for them, watched and listened to staff and if I found they looked unhappy as a whole or were stressed out etc, I gave them a swerve.
We need people in the industry like you so we can make it good again, and the places that value their staff and stop customers treating them badly will be the ones with better service and more staff, and therefore do better.