How do I make home more relaxing?

[Thefailinghousewife]

I’m beginning by to hate evenings and my husband doesn’t get it!

we have a rule everyone is off gadgets by 7pm to watch a film / tv together till 8:30. Ds / dogs / cats / husband etc all want to lie across me - or worse, husband abandons me for the other sofa and I’m the sole focus for being wanted for affection. They all talk at me at the same time, or want snacks, or the dog wants the ball throwing.

Ds goes up at 8:30, and lies down at 9pm after reading. He hates being upstairs by himself so I potter about in that time but then have to make a point of going back downstairs because he needs to know that grown ups can’t go to bed at 8:30….. even if they are bloody knackered and really want to.

DH really then wants to lie across me; watch tv together etc, and I know I should want that too, but I’m so highly strung from the before bit that it feels like one more thing I need to do. Ds sleep walks and has night terrors so I feel like I’m listening past the tv / DH to keep an ear out and my focus is always split.

im knackered (we get up at 6am) I’m so anxious and desperate to relax. How do you chill out in the evenings? Ds is 10, we have other kids here at various points (blended family) but they are older so it’s less demanding with them.

any hints how to achieve this Zen without drugs / alcohol / moving into a hotel?

Why does your DH 'lie across you"?

Tell him to stick to his own sofa or walk the dog. Or put his child to bed.

You should be able to communicate your needs and feelings to your dh.

The evening sounds overly structured to me, too much forced together time stops being fun. Can't you spent time together when you want to rather than because of a rule?

Dh and child would sadly both object to this (dog wouldn’t though 😀) He doesn’t hear the kids in the same way I do. He’s utterly oblivious!

Tell him to go up with ds then sit on a different sofa?

It was mostly to get the kids off their gadgets to be honest. Silly question, but what do other people do in their evenings? This clearly isn’t working for me (though I think everyone else enjoys it? It’s just me touched out who can’t relax)

Tell them to stop touching you. Dc aged5 will cosily snuggle up znd stay still. Other dc lays, wriggles, bony elbows abd knees clings, hangs, slides off the sofa etc. I do have to tell him to stop it

Tbh we do different things each night. Some nights the dc have activities, some nights we play board or card games, some days the DC watch tv while I catch up on work. 8-9 is reading time though, and that's when we spend time together.

Urgh, why is everyone touching you? I'd hate that!

Agree it sounds very structured. We just do our own thing, more often than not it involves the kids watching tv/,gaming until bedtime, then we eat tea, then we maybe watch TV together or do stuff separately. This evening I've knitted whilst listening to music.

Kids will have done homework or an after school activity first though, and likely played lego, so not all screens.

That’s really intense op
also you shouldn’t have to do the mooching about from 8.30 til 9 - dh should do that every other night

I wouldn’t stop all for an intense hour and a half every night - no way. tonight they were all being silly so I went up to our room and read a magazine for a bit and then came back at 8 and got them ready for bed

You can stick to the no gadgets after 7pm rule but I would hate to sit down and have family TV time every night. Screens before bed are a big part of my DS sleep walking. It’s recommended to switch them off at least two hours before sleep. Maybe your DS could play quietly or read for longer before bedtime and you might find he sleeps better. While he’s doing that, go find something to do that you enjoy that gives you a bit of downtime by yourself and then you might be up for cuddling up to DH once your DS is asleep.