Holidays or pay drop/happiness?

[Awcw1234]

Would you take a pay drop if it meant losing your family holidays? I feel very selfish for considering it so I’m really struggling to make a decision.

I am very unhappy in my current role. It is a stressful role and I work 24’7 shifts. Earlies/lates/nights, weekends and bank holidays including Christmas Day. This attracts a big shift allowance. I have an autoimmune condition that makes me struggle with tiredness so nights in particular are becoming a bit of a problem for me but unfortunately, I can’t change my hours!

I have been recently been offered a Mon-Fri job within the Civil Service but as I won’t get any shift allowance, the job involves a bit of a pay drop. The pay drop per month is our holiday budget so if I take the job, we will lose our family holidays. My plan is to try and climb the ladder to earn more money in the future but obviously that isn’t guaranteed.

However, I’ll be happier both physically and mentally. I’ll be working regular hours, I’ll be able to enjoy Civil Service flexibility, I’ll be able to pick my children up from school everyday as they’ve agreed a flexible working pattern for me. I’ll have my weekends/evenings off plus it is 12 miles closer to home so less commuting. I’ll be less stressed. But no holidays?? We only have one per year. Will my kids hate me for losing this or would they prefer their Mum happier and home more? 😢

My husband seems focused on the money side of things which is making me feel worse.

Will the flexibility allow you to save in other ways eg less childcare or travel costs?

My gut feeling would be to move to be happier, seeing more of your kids is valuable too. And then look at how you could reduce costs elsewhere or if you can work out a cheaper/stay at home holiday while you work your way up the pay scale.

I can't tell you what to do but I did similar and it was the best thing for my children and I!

Hope you come to a decision that you are happy with, good luck! X

Why can't your husband get a better paid job since he's so focussed on the money rather than your well-being?

Picking kids up from schools and chatting to them as good as homidays

Do it.

My DH did the same a few years ago when the DC were small. He was on 12 hour night shifts attracting a big shift premium but the DC could barely remember what he looked like and we were just ships in the night. And the times he wasn't working he was just exhausted.

He retrained on his days off and took a big pay drop but the change in his mood and happiness was so worth it.

As it happens I got a promotion not long after which took us back up to similar joint income as before.

My husband earns a very good salary. Double what I do. Unfortunately he worries about money especially with the cost of living crisis, etc. He doesn’t think I should be taking a pay drop right now which is understandable.

I would prefer to have a happier day to day life & miss a holiday than be generally unhappy and get a week in the sun once a year.

The children wont hate you they will benefit from you being less tired and stressed.

Oh this is very reassuring.
I am also exhausted after working nights. Takes me days to get over them!

Will you be saving money elsewhere by switching jobs ? Petrol ? Clothes needed ? Childcare?

How much a year exactly is the drop?

Could you work As and When / agency once a month at your current work place for the extra money?

Will you be getting a larger holiday allowance and would you be able to use some of those days to have 'holiday at home' week where you don't go away but you treat the time as being on holiday and have trips out, nice food, relax and spend time together and do as little as possible of the day to day stuff?

Could you free up money by cutting other costs to pay for a week away even if it's just camping or a few days in a travelodge for a city break?

I went four days rather than 5 and it was the best thing ever.

It is helpful for us to know how much of a drop as a Both a net cash figure but also as a %

Have you worked out exactly much the new job pays? Go to "salary tax calculator Martin Lewis" to find out.

I also save on convenience and buying things to patch over the stress and strain. Your shift pattern sound brutal so what I mean - extra costa here and a takeaway there. You can batch cook and bake (if so inclined ). Save on petrol and so on. I. We'd fewer work clothes and fewer work costs. Less wine and gin not really

Also, you can re define your budget and look at saving elsewhere. What kind of holidays are you used to? 2 weeks in Spain can become a week in the UK. Three weeks in Florida become a 10'days in France and so on. 5 nights a centre parks is 3 nights at haven and so on.

My parents both worked full time and id rather have had them at home more than holidays. 100 times over.

No. I’d actually be losing a week’s annual leave allowance as I’ll be new to the civil service. Currently have 10+ years when I am now so I have the maximum allowance.

Could probably stretch to a UK break of some sort… nothing exciting though!

You can't buy back this time when you have children. If you have no choice to work stressful shifts then you do it. If you have the opportunity to reduce your stress and be around for your children I'd do it in a heartbeat.
You can reevaluate after a few years. Nothing is forever and childhood comes only once.

Take the job!

By the way, civil servants can get lots of discounts - I have some through my department and some through my union - including on travel so you may save money on holidays. But it’s worth it regardless as it just sounds so much better for your health and happiness.

I'd say the value of all the benefits of you taking the new job - improved health, more time with your family, more time FOR your family, less strain and tiredness - all the time... By far outweigh a week's holiday away somewhere.

Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love our holidays and I'd be gutted at the thought of not going away. But you'll make it work, you'll manage - and like others have suggested it's highly likely you'll find other ways to save for a holiday. Or your holidays might just look different to what you're used to.

DH and I used to love luxury holidays pre kids. Now we have 2 in nursery and I'm part time, we stay in basic accommodation at cheaper locations and enjoy that instead.

If you're unhappy in your job DH is unreasonable for wanting you to continue especially if it's affecting your health. I understand money worried, however it sounds like if you have a long term condition it's not going to be something that gets better and potentially staying there long term could result in more time off. You can't pass up an opportunity now that may allow you to work your way up - think longer term. What if you stick with the job, end up not being able to continue in the future but then having no other option?

I would absolutely take the pay cut and work the hours to be around more for your children. They really value being collected from school etc. If it's just your holiday budget that will you lose and you have your husbands income as a family as well I would absolutely go for the civil service job. A holiday is a few weeks a year -,your children will benefit all year round with having you more present and less stressed.

I've done this myself (take a lower paid more flexible role) and it's the best thing I've ever done

You only have one life
Why should you spend a third of it - 40 weeks a year- miserable for a couple of weeks holiday and a bit more cash

If you can make ends meet

Have you spoken to the new employer and make sure they have offered you the most money they can? I’d be tempted to go back to them and say you would love to take the job, but it’s currently a pay cut and could they increase by £x. I did this recently and was so shocked that they said yes!

At the rate you are going you risk having a physical and/or emotional breakdown which would have far greater financial repercussions.

The drop in pay will affect luxuries - your health is not a luxury so the trade off is not something you should even hesitate making.

We went abroad on fancy holidays a few years in a row then went to Scotland when DCs were late primary age. They both said it was the best holiday and they preferred it as there was so much more to do.

We've stuck to the Lakes, Northumberland and Devon since. Might not be exciting but that have been some of the best holidays.

I have just today handed my notice in and taken a £7k pay cut for similar reasons. My current role involves a lot of travel, including overseas, and I'm done with airports and hotel rooms.
I've realised I'm actually ready for my life to be 'smaller' in a way. I like taking DS to football and swimming, and going to the pub down the road for dinner. We can still afford an annual holiday fortunately but certainly on a much lower budget!

There's a lot to be said for contentment OP!

I would put my health first

if that means no holidays for a while so be it. What’s the point of remaining in a job you are unhappy in and it’s making you ill

I would speak to your husband and say your health is more important here, what happens if you get so sick you cant work for ages? Added to which you may start resenting him for insisting to stay somewhere you are so unhappy in as holidays are more important

Lots don’t go on holiday.