If you met me over Christmas, you'd think I was happy and in good form. Behind it all, I don't feel like this.

[EL2022]

I've felt quite low leading up to and over Christmas. I'd a bad breakup over a year ago now, I'd been doing okay, working on myself a lot, but I feel like I haven't completely bounced back since the breakup and just don't feel happy in myself. I developed terrible anxiety after breakup and have been on mirtazapine since, which I was hoping to try and come off but I don't know if it's a good idea now.

I did have a nice time over Christmas meeting up with family and friends, but had to put in a real effort to appear like my normal self.

Just wondering if anyone else feels like this, that they disguise how they're really feeling?

Sorry to hear you are feeling this way x.

I think a lot of us ‘pretend’ when we run into most people we know we are fine when we aren’t! I know I do, like you everyone thinks I am good/happy, it’s all a show sadly!

Of course.

Sometimes the last thing you need when you're feeling crap is to have to answer a load of concerned questions on what's wrong, fend off well-meaning but unhelpful suggestions, deal with a change in the way people treat you, or cope with the idea that you're causing people you love to feel worried. And some people are unlucky enough to have family who react badly in these circumstances, for a variety of reasons.

Doesn't everyone do this at one time or another, put on a brave face to the outside world?

A bad break up is similar to grieving. Some get over it quicker than others.

A year or so since the split can still leave you with upsetting memories and emotions.

Sometimes it’s hard not to keep going over things in your mind.

You have to plan nice things to do and try and make a conscious effort each time a memory from the past surfaces and leaves you feeling low or wishing you had said or done something different, to turn your thoughts to something different.

One day you will suddenly realise that you haven’t dwelt in the past and feel much happier.

I think the lockdowns have had lingering effects on many people, myself included. Factor into this your breakup and I can understand why you're feeling down. Take care of yourself and plan some nice things this year x