Really worried about my 9yo DD MH handhold please

[Beexo]

I've noticed my DD withdrawing she used to want to play with friends a lot and very extroverted. She's naturally very outgoing. She just wants to sit in drawing/sketching / painting spending hours, if she gets something wrong school or drawing related she will have a melt down just at home not at school she's a model student behaviour wise. She shouts at her DF and me.

She's started saying she hates school and struggling with peers asking her what's wrong, she feels sad. She's a deep thinker, she works things out but doesn't have the maturity to reason. . She's started worrying about dying and me dying. I've tried reassuring her that's it apart of life and she will have a long life. She says she's worried about getting a good job when she's older as she's stupid (she has dyslexia) . I've reassured that she's definitely not stupid and I just want her to be happy. Tonight after a homework meltdown , she punched the wall and pinched her arm. I did use some grounding techniques with her and de-escalated We then cuddled in her bed. She confessed she's been getting so angry and she's not sure why , she gets intrusive thoughts about hurting people and it distresses her as she doesn't ever want to hurt people. I reassured everyone gets bad thoughts sometimes it's actions not thoughts that matter.

She's started signs of puberty breast buds so I'm guessing part of this is hormonal related. It seems so young. Compounding this I'm worried as I suffered a major depression at the age of 12-14 (age when I started puberty ) which required a 9 month inpatient stay. I'm worried I've passed this on my to DD.

I work within MH/LD with complex behaviours but with adults not children , I feel like I should have picked up the signs earlier. I feel so upset for my DD I wish I could wave a magic wand for her. I'm going to contact the school and the GP. Is there anything else I can do in the meantime ?
She seems so flat and unhappy.

TW: mentions of MH & SH.

Just put the trigger warning above because I don’t want to trigger anybody (and the last thing I want to do is worry you further but all I can do is speak from experience).

My heart absolutely breaks for you both. I can relate to your daughter a lot because I started to have poor mental health around age 8 and was SH’ing by age 9, which is really what stood out to me when you said she had hit the wall and punched her arm. I was also an early bloomer with puberty and was the first person I knew to get my period.

You’re being very proactive and taking all the right steps, please don’t be too hard on yourself for not recognising the signs sooner. When I was a child with MH issues I would do or say pretty much anything to hide the signs until there was no more hiding left to do.

If you can, show her the how, why & what method. (I don’t know if this has a real name). Maybe even go to her as if you’re having an issue so she doesn’t feel alienated but sees you, a trusted adult using it in practice. So for example, you’d write MAD in the middle of the page in a circle because that’s how you’re feeling & then discuss why this could be and that’s obviously the why and then decide on some strategies that would make it feel better and that’s the what. So for example the full thing would look like “I am mad because I don’t feel very smart today. I can do something I am talented at because it will show me being smart is on a spectrum”. Obviously that’s very simplified but it’ll allow you to get a better idea of how she’s feeling and it’ll probably give her the same idea. Big feelings and big thoughts can often get jumbled, especially when you’re so young.

Also, let her know that she can speak to you any time, night or day, especially if she’s feeling emotional, and that you won’t be mad because she’s able to trust you with her sad moments.

I don’t know your working situation with how many days you get off but would a mental health day be possible where you keep her off school and do things at home she enjoys? Just to lift her spirits, even if temporarily.

Please google inattentive adhd it’s not uncommon for dyslexia to present with other neurodiversities

You are probably seeing things that aren’t really there due to your work. I also work in MH and when my child started puberty and went through a phase I was convinced they had all manner of MH issues. I think we are hyper vigilant to it. Try not to worry and deffo don’t beat yourself up xx

Op what hw does she get? Mine is 10 and only ever had spelling. .what aspect of dyslexia is she struggling with?

We ditched phonics with mine and had strategies in place to help boost her learning and self esteem in class.