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Original poster

DH is ruining my sleep but it's not his fault and I am at my wit's end

43 replies

livingonaprairie · 05/01/2023 05:37

I just don't know what to do. Every night around 3am DH starts moving and thumping around in his sleep. He's a big and heavy man and when he starts flopping his arms and legs on top of me it wakes me up. I'm a really light sleeper, he is the total opposite and once I'm awake I just can't get back to sleep with him acting like a nocturnal octopus next to me. He doesn't realise what he's doing but it doesn't affect him, only me. I end up starting my day at 4am after about 5 hours sleep max and I'm SO resentful but feel unfair blaming him even though it's his fault. He works shifts and I literally can't wait for the one or two days a week when he is on a night shift. We don't have any spare rooms so neither of us can move elsewhere. I just don't know what to do about it but something needs to happen because I'm in a murderous rage every night desperate to try and get to sleep whilst he is happily windmilling next to me. I have mentioned it to him of course but how can you stop doing something you don't know you're doing in the first place? I feel so resentful that he gets a great sleep every night but because of him I'm exhausted every day.

OP posts:
Judgyjudgy · 05/01/2023 05:38

Bed in lounge? Will be worth it for the sleep. Do you not have spare rooms or no available spare rooms?

bestchristmasever · 05/01/2023 05:39

Mattress on the floor of a child's room? Sleep on the sofa?

PermanentTemporary · 05/01/2023 05:41

Twin beds?

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Sleep
Original poster
livingonaprairie · 05/01/2023 05:41

Teenage DCs have other 2 bedrooms

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 05/01/2023 05:41

How big is your bed? Can you get one of those mattresses where there's two separate mattresses attached together so his movement affects you less, and a big bolster cushion down the middle?

bestchristmasever · 05/01/2023 05:43

Twin beds is a good shout

Charrpower · 05/01/2023 05:44

Two singles so you each have your own bed in the room or a pull out sofa.

Original poster
livingonaprairie · 05/01/2023 05:46

We have a king-size bed which is the only size we can fit in the space (bedroom has lots of built-in cupboards surrounding the bed space, moved a couple of years ago so not our design). We can't swap the king size for twins as they wouldn't fit. Sofa bed in lounge a possibility I guess.

OP posts:
ShippingNews · 05/01/2023 05:46

Personally I 'd go with twin beds. I know how horrible it is to get no sleep because the other person is ( unknowingly) keeping you awake - you feel like you could kill them, but you know it's not their fault. If you got twin beds, life would be so much better .

thenewaveragebear1983 · 05/01/2023 05:52

Airbed even? You could have it on the floor and just move out of your bed into it if you get woken?
that would absolutely drive me to insanity @livingonaprairie , you have my sympathy and I don’t think I’d be being as kindhearted as you are

Tickledtrout · 05/01/2023 05:57

He sleeps on a sofabed in lounge. If he's a heavy sleeper he'll be fine

ittakes2 · 05/01/2023 06:02

Roll up a large duvet and put it down the middle of your bed - he’ll hit the duvet instead of you.

ittakes2 · 05/01/2023 06:04

He could also try acupuncture as under the Chinese 24hr clock it would be thought he has a small intestine or bladder issue.
www.nirvananaturopathics.com/blog/traditional-chinese-organ-body-clock

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 05/01/2023 06:05

The rolled-up duvet is a plan. Otherwise, separate beds.

AllLopsided · 05/01/2023 06:06

Split/small twin mattresses for your king bed? Our 180cm king has 2 90cm mattresses. It does mean you are less aware of the other person moving.

MarshaMelrose · 05/01/2023 06:07

Could you get twin mattresses and put a top sheet on each, tuck under each mattress in the middle. That would contain his body on his side and it would leave your individual mattress still.

Alternatively, remove the side cupboards and buy two single beds.

MissSmiley · 05/01/2023 06:10

No further suggestions OP but I'm s light sleeper and that would drive me nuts, I hate being tired

FluffyPJs · 05/01/2023 06:26

Do you try waking him up and making him move into a different position? It sounds like you just leave him to thrash around! My husband snores if he rolls onto his back. I either just push him so he rolls back onto his side in his sleep, or if he's sleeping deeply I have to wake him up and tell him to move. It's so soul destroying when you are wide awake and they are fast asleep. Make sure you wake him up and get him to resolve the problem. If he can sleep without doing it til 3/4am then a reset of his sleep pattern may mean he can sleep without doing it for the second part of the night.

pinkfondu · 05/01/2023 06:28

Is it a new thing??

RocketSurgeon · 05/01/2023 06:31

Could you he sleep in a sleeping bag to keep his limbs enclosed?

Anotherbloomingchristmas · 05/01/2023 06:33

My dh used to have night terrors that were exacerbated by antidepressants.
I was often woken by him grabbing me because he thought I was falling.
He’s much better now.
Perhaps your dh is the same. If it’s 2/3 hours into his sleep then it may be.

illiterato · 05/01/2023 06:39

FluffyPJs · 05/01/2023 06:26

Do you try waking him up and making him move into a different position? It sounds like you just leave him to thrash around! My husband snores if he rolls onto his back. I either just push him so he rolls back onto his side in his sleep, or if he's sleeping deeply I have to wake him up and tell him to move. It's so soul destroying when you are wide awake and they are fast asleep. Make sure you wake him up and get him to resolve the problem. If he can sleep without doing it til 3/4am then a reset of his sleep pattern may mean he can sleep without doing it for the second part of the night.

This. Waking him up as soon as he starts might be a reset.

Homedeco · 05/01/2023 06:41

I would honestly consider taking sleeping tablets or night nurse or something. Might make you drowsy enough that he doesn’t phase you

Tamarindtree · 05/01/2023 06:45

When you say he is a ‘big’ man are you saying he is overweight?

That could mean he has sleep apnea -

www.healthline.com/health/tossing-and-turning#causes

It might not be his fault intentionally to disturb you but he should maintain his health.

BadNomad · 05/01/2023 06:50

If it's mostly his arms being the nuisance, one of you could try lying with your head at the bottom of the bed. I suppose it depends on how tall you both are if that will help.