I still love my ex 4 years on

[Rosietealight]

Just that really. I love him. I’ve no interest in anyone else or finding another relationship. I’m not actively looking. No one knows how I feel and day to day, I’m doing well. No one would suspect from the outside.

but I know. I love him. It’s been four years since we broke up. 2 years of NC. I don’t feel devastated or despondent. I’m able to live my life; I’m doing well in my career. I just know that I love him and possibly always will. It doesn’t fill me with grief or despair. I just keep going. I guess I just wonder if it will always be there.

it’s a bit like - having a tooth filling. It’s there. It’s not apparent to anyone else. It doesn’t stop you eating or impair things day to day. But you know it’s there.

does that make sense? I’m not sure why I’m writing this down. I guess I just want to know if it’s normal.

Hi @Rosietealight i totally hear you! I was in love with my ex for years. I was in 3 relationships after him but i didn't love them like i loved him.
Until i met my now husband who is the only one i can really say i love like i loved my ex.
We're going through a really crappy time in our relationship at the moment but i gotta say since i got with him i forgot my ex.

Absolutely, I’m nearly 20 years in. Love him as much now as I ever did. Don’t mope or have mad anguished thoughts. Have a great fulfilled life without him, but love him as much as I ever did and will take that to the grave.

Are you sure you still love him or are you in love with the idea of him? I was in your position and I do look back now and I think I just became obsessed with the idea of him. I do wish I'd snapped out of it sooner though as life went on hold. I really don't believe that there is just one person out there for everyone so don't let this stop you living your life.

Do you think it could be Limerance rather than love?

How do you snap out of something though after four years? I don’t know if it’s limerance.

I think I just accept it.

You have to want to get over them. I have a friend who is still in love with her ex after being apart from them from over 20 years now (he moved on and had kids and married someone else). She won't accept that there's anyone else out there who can live up to him, even though from the outside the whole thing was a complete shit show. I doubt he's even given her a second thought in the intervening years, meanwhile she's sat there pining away, believing he's the epitome of the male species. I find it very sad tbh.

I think that’s true. I don’t think I have the energy to get over it or not get over it if you see what I mean. I certainly don’t have the energy to look for or contemplate or even want another relationship.

it is all a bit silly and I feel embarrassed by it. I don’t think my friends know as I don’t speak about it anymore.

I have to add as well though, that I did once think I would be in love with an ex forever so I do understand how it feels. However, it's worth putting the work to find out why you feel this way. Make it about yourself, not them. I came out of it a better person with a better understanding of myself and why I felt like that. It was never about them or what they were like a person. It's worth doing even if you never another relationship again. Do it for you.

If my ex was the same person/still showed me the him that he shows everyone else, I'd still want to be with him.
Cos that was the him I loved

Sorry I didn't mean for that to sound flippant, I totally get it. I bumped into him 5 years after and my heart missed a few beats. I still wanted him to declare his love for me. Even now, I still think of him (the odd time). What I mean is that he probably isn't what I've built up in my head and I met some lovely men in the years after but didn't really give any of them a chance as I was pinning for him. Let yourself grieve but try to heal too.

I’ve no interest in anyone else or finding another relationship. I’m not actively looking. No one knows how I feel and day to day, I’m doing well. No one would suspect from the outside.

I'm almost 2 years out of an almost 5 year relationship and I'm feeling very much like this. He ended it suddenly and coldly and, although I'm over the heartbroken stage, I think of him and the breakup regularly. For me, because of how it ended, I'd never go back there, but it's still impacting my life and how I feel.

I don't mention it too often to friends and family now because I'm sure they think I'm over it all, or should be, at this stage, even though I was very hurt.

Feel free to PM me if you'd like to chat some more.