Can someone give me some suggestions on this friendship issue?

[Allthelightwecannotsee76]

I'm mid 40s and divorced - Ex H was abusive. Very traumatic. We split 3 years ago. No DC.

S and I met 10 years ago. We are close. She was excellent through the divorce and knows how awful it was.

I introduced S to B, an old college friend, last year. They hit it off and started meeting up without inviting me - I felt a bit excluded, but understand I can't control friendships. S tends to mention B often, referencing her as a mutual friend.

S told me today that B invited her to a big anniversary party last month but S did not attend because my Ex H was there.

I am hurt that B is still friends with ExH (even though she knows what happened).

I am hurt that S told me about a party I was not invited to (and I wonder if she expected me to be grateful for not attending herself).

Knowing about this feels like being kicked in the chest. It has brought back some traumatic memories and put me back into a dark place which I have worked hard to get out of.

I have decided to part ways with B because it's too painful for me, but I need a way of gently explaining to S that she needs to stop mentioning B. I don't want to lose S as a friend.

Any thoughts/suggestions welcome. Thanks for reading - writing it down clearly has been useful.

Find a quiet place to see S. Perhaps open up about how much you value her as a friend and what she means to you. Then explain it hurts to hear mentions of B and ask her if she could stop, as it's bringing up pain for you. It's a tricky one to navigate as it may put her on the defensive. It's finding a way to do it gently and focussing on how you feel rather than her own behaviour. Although she had every right to start meeting up with B privately, after they 'both hit it off' (we don't own our friends), this does sit uncomfortably. She was making an active choice not to invite you. How much do you trust her? It's understandable why this hurts. I would proceed with caution. Following a talk with her, if she is upset that pain has been caused, as your friend she will want to honour your wishes, stop talking about B and save you from further harm. You are not asking her to stop being friends with B but you are asking her to respect your feelings and not rub your face in it.
Good luck!