Baby sleep help? I’m knackered!

[waitingwaitingwaiting2]

DD is 12 weeks. Second baby, first I suppose was a better sleeper and no idea how to manage now.

We start a night routine round 7 pm, pyjamas and sleep sack, fresh nappy, nurse, book, lights out. I rock her to sleep and she goes down for 1.5 hours. Pick up, nurse again, half awake/asleep, back down in cot for 3-3.5 hours.

The next bit is when I’m at a loss. After the long stretch of 3-3.5 hliurs, she does 1.5-2 hours and then up pretty much hourly until 7 am. I’m going to sleep at 8-9 pm so I can get my long stretch in when she does, but I’m still knackered. She has done a 5 hour stretch twice now but no particular cause I can see. Her daytime routine is fairly consistent, up around 7, then has wake periods of 1-1.25 hours and naps of 1 hour or so, usually in the cot but sometimes lying on me (if older child is home and being noisy) or in the pram whilst I do the shop. I try not to let a nap go beyond 2 hours.

what can I do to help her sleep a long stretch at the end of the night? Please help, thank you xx

Have you tried swaddling and white noise? Was the only thing that worked for DS when he was that age it took me weeks of no sleep at all to figure out I had an easy startler that woke at the slightest noise

Yes I’ve got the white noise going, but stopped swadling as she’s too big and can move her arms around. (Was told in hospital no more swaddling for Sid’s risk)

Co-sleeping is your answer, and also a total reconfiguration of your expectations around your baby's sleep.

I am a heavy sleeper and will not cosleep for safety reasons, no judgment to anyone else -understand it works for some, but I will not do it

I know it's tough but also remember she is only 12 weeks and this is completely normal. Doesn't make it any less hard on you though. I've been there in the trenches and can confirm it's rubbish.

@Wfhandbored thabk you, yes, if someone tells me it is developmentally normal I’ll be chuffed (and keen to know when the development might progress!) But if there is something I can do to help her learn to link these sleeps I’m kkeen to hear! 🫠🫠🫠

Very young for such an early bed and a schedule, can’t you just keep her with you until you go up to bed. It’s also a SIDS risk sleeping alone that young.

But all sounds normal at 12 weeks as they need the night feeds, regular waking protects against SIDS too. They also might just need comfort - also normal!

Completely normal! They don't develop the sleep hormone like us till at least 3 months, but don't make the mistake I did and cling onto things like this. Every baby is different and we fought everything and tried to 'fix' everything each step. I think we made it harder on her and on us than it needed to be. But at this stage nobody can tell you because you know what's best and you're her mum. It's bloody hard and you're doing so well. You'll get there mama. Also I'm up because my 20MO thinks we can start the day at 4am so been coaxing her back to sleep. It gets better but yet to have a lie in past 6 😂

Thats a very early bedtime for 12 week old. We just kept DS down with us at that age, didn't start a bwdtime routine as such until the sleel regression hit.

Once they hit sleep regression thatvis them learning to join sleep cycles and you need to make sure not to feed to sleep over night, make sure they are getting majority of milk during day. Teach them.new ways to settle over night

DD was like this until about 6 months.
It was awful, we took it in shifts to sleep. DH had her until 12 midnight while I slept then I took over for the rest, grabbing an hour here or there.

Eventually she put herself into a routine, so my theory is any routine training is absolute rubbish and your either lucky or your not. By comparison DS slept through pretty much from day 1 so it was nothing I had done differently.

Nothing at all worked until about 16 weeks when she started her own routine by herself. After that it just clicked and she’s slept through since. Hopefully it’s similar for you!

Hi, that sounds tough!
If you would like to sort it then baby needs to fall asleep independently. So once they have been fed allow them to fall asleep alone. This means when they wake in the night they have a much greater chance of falling back asleep by themselves.
I found that with both of my breastfed babies (I was still breastfeeding them after the point of getting them to sleep through the night) they needed to fall asleep by themselves for naps and at the bedtime feed. Then during the night it does not matter so much if you feed to sleep - they will wake less because they have learnt to sleep independently at 7pm and for naps.
So no adult help to fall asleep. Even if baby falls asleep feeding then make sure they have had enough - tickle toes etc to keep them feeding and taking enough to the end. Then wake them before putting to bed. Ie read a book to them, strip them down a little to make them cool and wake up. When awake - or very drowsy then put them in cot/Moses basket. They may cry as this is not what they are used to. To help the transition you can pre warm this space with a hot water bottle and remove before putting baby in. Also use one of your T-shirts smelling like you on top of the sheet.
Then during the next sleep cycle baby will have the same conditions in which they fell asleep to. Nothing will have changed, so unless hungry they will be able to stay asleep.
This is what worked for me with two babies. I used the book Baby Secrets by Jo Tantum and Barbara Want.
There's far more if you're interested. Hope it helps. Best wishes.

@Hatscatssorrh, should have been clear, she is with us at the 7 pm sleep, has a travel cot downstairs-just that I start the routine then (sleep sac and pyjamas), she’s up 1.5 hours later so I reckon it’s more of a nap until the 9 pm sleep

@Youcancallmeirrelevant how do I know if she is in a regression? Don’t remember this at all from DS! We just got through a growth spurt and she was draining both breasts at each feed!ast night just barely interested at the breast but also had wind she couldn’t pass.

@Whoneedsleep yes, that’s what I remember from DS, things just settled on their own in time. Just don’t recall this frequent waking in the wee hours (until he was almost a year, then it was due to cold) and it’s got me knackered! I’ve also noticed she stopped having a poo overnight so loads of other developmental changes happening for her, I’m sure it’s not easy for them!

@Wfhandbored thank you for the reassurance. It’s the 3 am desperation and exhaustion when I feel so tired I might drop her standing on my feet! Last night we’ve stretched some of the 45-60 min sleeps into 1:15-1:30, so I’ll take it. Hope you e managed to settle your LO and are catching up a bit xx

I'm a second time mum of 8 week old so sleep is also very much my current focus!

I do think a lot of it is luck unfortunately but I do think there are things you can do which may help. I follow 'just chill mama' on Instagram and bought her 0-6 month course with my first (about £30 I think). And I loosely follow that which is similar to what you're doing now - trying to start good sleep habits early but nothing strict.

My baby is definitely in a pattern now with one long stretch of around 5-7 hours followed by a shorter one of 2-3 and then back to short naps of ~1 hours which is when we are up for the day.

I've been trying to stretch that first sleep for a few weeks and it has gone from around 3 to 6 (whether that is baby or anything I've done who knows!?). I definitely get the longest sleep from her when she has been feeding the most before bed. Which makes sense! So I do bath, book, feed etc as you do to fit in with my toddler. When he goes down at 7.30, baby just stays with me in living room and we feed pretty much on and off until she goes to bed with me around 10-11. Basically the more she feeds in the hours between 7-10, the longer she sleeps. She will sleep a bit in that time (sometimes an hour or so) but we're just laying on the sofa so she feeds and sleeps as she wants. Then when I'm ready for bed I take her up, try and feed one last time and then put her down (usually awake but sleepy).

Would that be an option instead of putting her down at 7? I'm almost trying to keep her up and feeding until I'm ready for bed.

I did this with my first and will probably keep doing this until she's 4-5 months or sleeping 8 hours+ and then try for a 7.30 bedtime with my toddler.

Anything I/baby does, doesn't seem to stretch any of the other sleeps any longer so I'm just focusing on that first long sleep.

I would add I know I'm getting pretty good sleep at this age and have been since birth really with 3+ hour stretches. So I don't want to come across like I know what I'm doing when it likely is just down to the baby!

Oh just to add, you didn't mention if you were breast or bottle fed but I find if I give expressed milk in a bottle that gets a longer sleep. I don't do it atm but when my husband does the night he always gets longer stretches than me. I tried it one night and expressed for the second stretch of sleep and she did go longer.

Again could be coincidence and expressing is a faff so may not be doable.

Most babies go through a sleep regression at 3/4 months, its a major one with regards to sleep cycles