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Original poster

Maternity leave… short days… lonely and struggling

7 replies

lking679 · 03/01/2023 17:00

On my 3rd maternity leave, nights are spent between the baby and toddler who’s not sleeping through (tag team with my husband he does his share).

Only person I know who can meet in the day is a sahm, she is a lovely person but I can’t stand her parenting style. Her toddler constantly shouts and misbehaves and I struggle to spend time with her kids (mine misbehave too but I do discipline when a kid is shouting in my face!).

I’m in London and have done baby groups previously but baby only 7 weeks so not really in a routine yet so I will wait a bit…

Just feel lonely and disconnected…. the dark days don’t help!

I’ve recently considered moving 200 miles to be closer to my family as I don’t have anyone near, especially if work agree I can mainly wfh. The area is nice but a lot quieter than where I am now… I wouldn’t move there if I didn’t have family there… but what if they move away anyway for jobs/ other things and I am
back at square 1?! Wwyd?

Just feel like I’ve got a years or so ahead of me, rambling around with young kids in tow and it’s just me and DH.

(I sound miserable on here but I’m doing okay, don’t think it’s PND but always feel down when we have short days anyway).

Any advice, words of wisdom?

OP posts:
Squamata · 03/01/2023 17:14

I found reading books a godsend on mat leave, felt a bit more connected with the world. I had Kindle app on my phone and would read during night feeds and naps. Sort of easy reading non fiction like this is going to hurt, celeb autobiogs.

Get out in the fresh air every day, even if it's five secs on your doorstep.

I'd also go to baby groups and playgrounds and hunt for a better friend, there's bound to be someone with kids a similar age who wants tea now and again.

What have you got on the horizon to look forward to and break up the expanse of time? Can you invite a family member to stay, or organize a trip to them? Even a simple day out is something to look forward to.

Re dark days, if you can lean into it a bit with fairy lights, blankets and nice herbal tea etc it helps.

Original poster
lking679 · 03/01/2023 17:21

Squamata · 03/01/2023 17:14

I found reading books a godsend on mat leave, felt a bit more connected with the world. I had Kindle app on my phone and would read during night feeds and naps. Sort of easy reading non fiction like this is going to hurt, celeb autobiogs.

Get out in the fresh air every day, even if it's five secs on your doorstep.

I'd also go to baby groups and playgrounds and hunt for a better friend, there's bound to be someone with kids a similar age who wants tea now and again.

What have you got on the horizon to look forward to and break up the expanse of time? Can you invite a family member to stay, or organize a trip to them? Even a simple day out is something to look forward to.

Re dark days, if you can lean into it a bit with fairy lights, blankets and nice herbal tea etc it helps.

Aw that’s good advice! Yes I might try baby sensory. Just found with my first she’d sort of get overtired or things would clash with naps and I’d be paying to sit there with her asleep 😂. Second it was lockdown so no classes!

I have a feb half term holiday planned with family but that’s actually doing a week in their area to see if we like it! And we have the Easter weekend with family too just seems far away!

I struggle to read without falling asleep but I could watch something on my headphones at least.

OP posts:
Original poster
lking679 · 03/01/2023 17:23

I mean listen to something on my headphones! I do get out in the morning, first nap I take the pram out and it does help!

OP posts:

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frenchie4002 · 03/01/2023 17:23

Solidarity op. I’m also on mat leave and have been pretty miserable but dd is 11 weeks now so I’ve made it my 2023 resolution to get out there a bit more - baby clubs, make more effort with friends etc. I’ve found something that helps is doing one thing a day even if small, like a walk and a coffee. The weather is grim but I’ve just wrapped me and baby up and got on with it. Lack of daylight hours always puts me down a bit too. Have you tried vitamins, nice cosy warm drinks, having things to look forward to as pp said - holiday/family visit etc. Before you know it the days will be getting lighter again. this too shall pass!

frenchie4002 · 03/01/2023 17:24

Sorry just seen your update! It must be so hard not being near family, hats off to you. There are pros and cons to both areas - could you move back when dcs are older and more independent if you wanted to?

LeafHunter · 03/01/2023 17:30

I’m on Mat leave and spend a lot of time with friends and going to baby groups, stay and play etc. I approached a few charities which specialise in supporting vulnerable mothers (usually living in a refuge, asylum seekers etc) and asked if I can attend some of their groups. It’s been helpful for me to feel useful by helping people navigate some of the parenting options which are hard to access if you have limited English.

I read, watch tv, bake etc

Original poster
lking679 · 03/01/2023 17:51

frenchie4002 · 03/01/2023 17:24

Sorry just seen your update! It must be so hard not being near family, hats off to you. There are pros and cons to both areas - could you move back when dcs are older and more independent if you wanted to?

we could move back when kids in Uni but that’s 18 years! We’ll see what happens half term I might end up liking it. Just feels scary to leave work and fun of London… though can’t say I am venturing that far recently. Life consists of walks/parks etc which I could do in new area, plus slightly bigger house, plus near family (as long as they don’t move)!
will give baby groups a go although baby sensory is waiting list, booo!

OP posts:
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