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Turning sixty in 2023 and I'm freaking out

71 replies

LifeIsBetterWithBunting · 03/01/2023 13:53

I can't believe that I turn 60 later this year. I am really freaked out and can't stop thinking about it, as I don't feel anything like that age - I barely feel like a grown up some days!

My mum, who I was very close to, died last year (my dad a few years ago) and I think that's making me more aware of getting older and of dying. But I can't stop thinking that I've now lived most of my life, and who knows how many years I have left, or what is ahead of me. I fully know that it's pointless to think like that, but I can't seem to get it out of my head and genuinely feel scared of old age looming, and what might be ahead of me.

I still work, no sign of that ending anytime soon. Our two young adult DS are at home (thanks covid). But I have a lot to be grateful for. I have good health and don't look my age. So how do I change my mindset and cheer the fuck up?

OP posts:
Coatandhat · 03/01/2023 14:03

I am 60 Bunting and I have to say that it was the first birthday ending in a zero that I wasn't dreading. Every other one felt awful in the lead-up. I'm sure that losing your Mum is contributing to you feeling this way but I honestly feel good about being 60. The best thing you can do is look after yourself - mentally and physically. Let go of the things you no longer want in your life - I no longer feel obliged to go to work dos and don't care if people think I'm being boring. You can't control everything that happens to you so concentrate on filling your life with good things - buy less but better quality - do things that make you happy. It will all be fine 😘

Cuppasoupmonster · 03/01/2023 14:05

Age is a privilege denied to many.

Mentalpiece · 03/01/2023 14:09

We can't turn the clock back op, so you just need to embrace it.
I know what you mean though, it seems like only yesterday that I was a teenager and suddenly I have grandkids who are teenagers. How? What happened?

WinterFoxes · 03/01/2023 14:13

Can you use the fear to focus your mind?
What do you really want to do befofre you die - places to see, experiences, people to spend time with?
And how do you want to spend your everyday life - do you want to be fitter, less cluttered. more sociable or quieter?

I think focusing on how to spend the day to day time left and making sure not to let ambitious, bigger plans drift helps combat that fear. I'm approaching sixty too and feel like I need to speed up and do the things that I've always longed to do. When DH and DC dragged their heels about coming on a trip I've wanted for decades, I just booked a single place and am going alone.

Squirrelsnut · 03/01/2023 14:14

I believe that our core selves (souls?) never alter. The voice in your head that's you is exactly the same as when you were young.
You're exactly the same person, just in an older 'wrapping'.

crossstitchingnana · 03/01/2023 14:21

I turn 55 this year at to me that seems old. Heading to 60. I have embraced all 0 birthdays but 60? Nah. No thanks. However, what can I change? How I feel about it. At the moment all I see is loss and death and endings.

Miserable.

Iwantacampervan · 03/01/2023 15:15

I also turn 60 at the end of the year so in my mind that's ages away! I'm not worrying about it as my friends are all a couple of years older than me. I will still be working and I'm looking forward to getting a Senior Railcard (if there any trains running) and taking advantage of the shopping morning at Iceland.

Deathraystare · 03/01/2023 15:23

I am 63 as of yesterday! I do not feel any different (there is still a stroppy teenager inside me!). I am still lazy, messy, forgetful etc but I still know how to enjoy myself and am told I look younger (not going to argue with that!).

I am trying to sort myself out re being tidier, eat a better diet etc etc.

Most of my friends are older and already retired but none of them act 'old' either.

Chisquared · 03/01/2023 15:28

I turned 60 last summer so I get it. Both parents actually died when I was in my 30's so their age/passing did not complicate how I felt about my age. Fortunately I am in good health but retirement looms and I need to start thinking about that. My ds is just 21 so no grandchildren yet. Like a pp I started to let a lot go and am focusing on my health and what I enjoy. Embrace the over 60 Railcard and free prescriptions!

Hbh17 · 03/01/2023 15:30

I am not far off 60 but, as far as I am concerned, the older I am the better! This is because nobody is interested in me at my age, so I can go thru life nicely anonymous. I've learnt not to give a wotsit about what other people think - & hopefully learnt a few other things along the way. I also plan to retire at 60, so I'm looking forward to lots of travel & hobbies.
Can't see any downsides, tbh.

Borborygmus · 03/01/2023 15:31

Think of the free prescriptions....

theresnolimits · 03/01/2023 15:36

I'm 65. I don't feel any different inside than when I was 30 but if anything I'm less stressed without children to worry about (all grown up, married and with families of their own). I can do what I want, and if I don't fancy something - I just don't do it. The freedom of not worrying about other people is immense.

Because life is in shorter supply than before I've learned to 'not sweat the small stuff', appreciate the little things and take joy in the fact I am still going (many aren't).

I know you won't believe it, but I'm happier than I've ever been I think. I do realise that the next ten years have to count. That focuses the mind.

TheSingingBean · 03/01/2023 15:42

I’m 60.

It’s weird when you feel 17 inside.

One of the things that helps me most is remembering my two lovely friends from school. We were a threesome, lived together in our 20s, holidayed together to celebrate turning 50, shared so much.

One died at 52, the other at 58 so it’s only me left. I miss them like crazy and when I’m tempted to feel depressed about the fact that I’m getting older I remind myself that they’d have loved to make it to their 60s.

Every day is a gift and I try to be grateful.

Kissedbyfire1 · 03/01/2023 15:42

Me too, I’ll be 60 in the summer. I feel sick thinking about it. If I’m lucky I might have 20 years left to live and I can’t retire until I’m 67. The thought of full time work for another 7 years is unbearable as is the thought of having only a few years left to enjoy life. It monumentally sucks.

Munchies123 · 03/01/2023 15:59

Ah, I had the combination of a "0" ending birthday (50 in my case) a few months after losing my mum. It's a double whammy of feeling the passing of time. I sadly have no advice, so will read other posts with interest. Just wanted to offer a bit of solidarity

maddiemookins16mum · 03/01/2023 16:02

Squirrelsnut · 03/01/2023 14:14

I believe that our core selves (souls?) never alter. The voice in your head that's you is exactly the same as when you were young.
You're exactly the same person, just in an older 'wrapping'.

Love this.

katseyes7 · 03/01/2023 16:13

I'm turning 65 this year. I'm still having to work because l don't get my state pension until next year. I can't tell you how much l'm looking forward to retiring.
I have serious health issues which cause me problems, mainly at work.

But most days, l appreciate waking up every morning because l lost the love of my life 30 years ago. He was only 46. He was kind, gentle, and so talented. I feel like every day l have is the chance to do something to 'make a difference' in some way, because that's what he'd have done if he'd lived.
Admittedly, l don't always feel like it. I've been very ill over Christmas and New Year and quite frankly at one point l was hoping that was it for me, because l miss him so much. I want to see him again.

But if it's not 'my time' then l have to make the best of it.
We're not all guaranteed a 'tomorrow'. The 'tomorrows' we get may not be what we want or expect. My recent ones certainly haven't been. I'm trying (as a pp said) to look after myself a bit better, l really need to.
I'm planning on moving to sheltered accommodation when l retire, this recent bout of illness has made me realise that l shouldn't be on my own much longer.
I have lovely friends, but no one geographically close. I may not be able to do much about my health, but l can change the way l live. Just knowing there's someone 'there' IF you need them is a huge weight off.
And the social side of it. Even if it's not all my 'thing' it's company if you want it. It's lonely where l live. I don't know people besides my immediate neighbours and the people l work with, which aren't local.
Very much looking forward to having all my time do make things, do stuff and not have to worry about being off work when l'm ill.
I still feel 18 in my head. Unfortunately my face and body aren't in agreement!

antipodeancanary · 03/01/2023 16:15

'I don't feel anything like that age - I barely feel like a grown up some days! I have good health and don't look my age.' Stop saying this sort of thing. You have built a picture of 60 in your head and you seem to think you are uniquely un 60 like. You are exactly what 60 is like. Exactly. But you still have in your head an idea that 60 year old people are at deaths door!
60 is not even a thing. Loads of people look like you at 60, loads of people feel young at heart at 60, loads of people have good health. You feel exactly the same as everyone else about approaching 60, amazed, outraged, nonplussed, grateful etc.
And you just have to get on with it, might as well make the most of it. Today is the youngest you will ever be!

borntobequiet · 03/01/2023 16:17

I’m 70 this year and my cousin is 80. My DD will turn 40 and my nephew 50. We’re planning to celebrate with a massive family picnic by the river in the summer.

katseyes7 · 03/01/2023 16:19

I believe that our core selves (souls?) never alter. The voice in your head that's you is exactly the same as when you were young.
You're exactly the same person, just in an older 'wrapping'.

^ This.
My best friend has been described by so many people as 'still like a teenager' and she is. She was a specialist nurse for over 40 years, she does so much for and with other people, she sings (professionally), she does charity stuff, and has such a joie de vivre. Just being with her (which isn't often, we don't live near each other) has such a wonderful effect on me.
When we're together we're like the daft teenagers we were when we were best friends back then.
We might grow 'old' in years, but not in spirit. Age isn't necessarily a number. It's a state of mind.

bloodywhitecat · 03/01/2023 16:23

Me too! I sometimes wonder how it happened, I swear I was only 40 a couple of years ago. I lost DH 10 months ago, he didn't get to make it to 60 so I think that has helped to change my mindset to it. I also foster so I have little ones in the house which means I get to do little people things all the time, I have no plans to retire any time soon.

Watching DH be told he had terminal cancer then seeing the aftermath of his massive stroke taught me a lot about not sweating the stuff I can't change.

Ban · 03/01/2023 16:27

I'm 60 soon too. The age thing isn't really freakin' me out as I don't believe I act or look my age.

But you know what is? I've only got (if I'm lucky) 20 years left!! I've lived 3/4 of my life! When the hell did that happen!

It only hit me the other day, and I'm obsessing about it a wee bit.

Things like, I'll never see any great grandchildren had me in floods of tears the other day! Or I won't be here when my daughter goes through her menopause.

I know I need to get a grip and get over it, (which I will) but it was a punch in the gut when I realised most of my life is over!

And yeah I know I could get run over by a bus tomorrow or I'm lucky to get to this age. But it doesn't take away the surprise that yeah I'm nearly done here!

Eyesopenwideawake · 03/01/2023 16:32

Another 1963 vintage here! Looking forward to it - another fresh decade to explore 😊Being 50 something felt a bit dull whereas 60 is refined, free and glamorous...bring it on!

MintJulia · 03/01/2023 16:37

I'm 60 this year too. I feel the same as you. I'm still expecting to be caught out at work for not knowing what I'm doing. I'm still waiting for Mr Perfect to walk into my life 😁 But the best things are...

Retirement is in sight.
I'll pay off my mortgage this year
If I get made redundant, it won't matter
I still have a 14yo ds to keep me young
I'm still running, swimming, cycling etc
Life is a breeze compared to 10 years ago

Things are SO much more relaxed. I'm enjoying myself. 😊

Els1e · 03/01/2023 16:43

I’m 60 in a couple of months. I’m going to be retiring in 7 years and I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. I’m between being scared and excited.