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Original poster

Girls holiday this weekend but friend blanking me?

29 replies

CakeMake · 03/01/2023 12:00

Hi,

I have a holiday booked for this weekend. It’s sort of a tradition for my friend and me to go on holiday at the beginning of January but this is the first time since covid.

I have arranged it all, flights, hotels, itinerary etc. My friend has suddenly stopped responding to my messages and calls. She last replied on Sunday saying how excited she was. Then she completely blanked me. I can see she has been online, she just hasn’t read my messages or picked up the phone.

I’ve asked her about what time train she wants to get to the airport; taxi or bus transfer to the hotel and for her passport details to check in etc. Nothing in response.

I am really confused. She is not working atm so not busy with work stuff. I don’t know exactly what I am hoping to get from posting here but could there be a legitimate reason for her ignoring me?

I’m starting to get worried she wants to drop out and isn’t telling me for some reason - perhaps because she knows it’s all paid for and not refundable at this point. I have no idea :(

OP posts:
PlaitBilledDuckyPuss · 03/01/2023 12:06

Has she paid you her share yet?

MiddleOfTheNightAgain · 03/01/2023 12:08

Try phoning her?

It does sound like she’s being avoidant. Just ask her straight off: “friend I’m starting to wonder if you no longer want to go? Can you please be honest with me if so?”

Text something along those lines if she doesn’t pick up ofc.

Original poster
CakeMake · 03/01/2023 12:08

@PlaitBilledDuckyPuss No she hasn’t. This is normal for us though. One person books all and then we divide all 50/50. Never had an issue before.

OP posts:
Ohchristmastree311 · 03/01/2023 12:10

@CakeMake Could you pop round and check that she’s actually ok?

Original poster
CakeMake · 03/01/2023 12:10

@MiddleOfTheNightAgain I did try phoning her shortly before posting here. Will try again in a couple of hours. She didn’t pick up last night either.

OP posts:
PlaitBilledDuckyPuss · 03/01/2023 12:13

There might be a genuine reason - illness, family emergency - but I'd be worried like you that she wants to drop out. How are her finances - could that be the issue for her?

Original poster
CakeMake · 03/01/2023 12:14

@Ohchristmastree311 I don’t live near her. We live in different cities but the plan was for me to stay at her house after work on Friday and travel to the airport together early the next day. She lives in London and is fairly close to the airport whereas I live quite far away.

I can see she is okay as she has been on WhatsApp. We also have each other on find my friend (just in case anything happens to one of us). She is going about her normal routine.

OP posts:
shieldmaiden7 · 03/01/2023 12:15

I have a friend a bit like this. We have never gone on holiday together but have multiple days/evenings planned and if she goes silent and ignores me it usually means she's cancelling, usually last minute too. Maybe she feels different about going if it's the first time since Covid and she wants to cancel but doesn't know how to bring it up.

Ditzyduck · 03/01/2023 12:16

I would suspect she can't afford to go and doesn't know how to tell you so is avoiding you.

Ditzyduck · 03/01/2023 12:16

I would suspect she can't afford to go and doesn't know how to tell you so is avoiding you.

Anotheryearsameshitshow · 03/01/2023 12:17

Imo she is either skint or pregnant or both.

Original poster
CakeMake · 03/01/2023 12:17

@PlaitBilledDuckyPuss I am not too sure how her personal finances are tbh. Her DP is very wealthy but she is no longer working. She is starting a masters degree in a couple of weeks. If it is finances I wouldn’t mind. I am just worried it’s now too late to cancel and she seemed fine with everything until a couple of days ago when she started blanking me.

OP posts:
RaininSummer · 03/01/2023 12:19

That is incredibly rude. Not sure what you can do if she won't answer your messages but for me that would definitely be the end of the friendship. Really leaves you in the lurch for the holiday though.

Original poster
CakeMake · 03/01/2023 12:19

I even gave her a heads up that we were reaching the point of the hotel being non-refundable and she said she was fine with it.

OP posts:
Original poster
CakeMake · 03/01/2023 12:20

@RaininSummer We have been friends since childhood. I am really hoping there is a reasonable explanation.

OP posts:
parsniiips · 03/01/2023 12:20

I can't stand it when people do this just before something that is arranged.

It might be nothing, just busy, forgot to reply, etc but it does get my back up when I feel like someone is building up to dropping out of something that has been arranged and paid for.

Original poster
CakeMake · 03/01/2023 12:22

@parsniiips Yeah, that is exactly how I am feeling right now. Its my last day before going back to work tomorrow and I’ve been stuck worrying about this rather than getting everything I need ready.

OP posts:
HaggisBurger · 03/01/2023 12:23

Jesus she needs to be a big girl and tell you what, if anything, is going on. Really disrespectful of your time and so on to not answer your messages or calls.

LadyHarmby · 03/01/2023 12:25

She replied to you on Sunday though and it’s only Tuesday lunchtime. Deciding on a train time and finding your passport are things that take a bit of time and thought, not something you can answer while you’re in the supermarket or cooking dinner. Maybe she just hasn’t got round to getting back to you on your multiple questions yet.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 03/01/2023 12:28

She replied on Sunday to say she was excited, today is only Tuesday! So it was only really yesterday she didn’t reply; I wouldn’t start panicking yet. She may have just been busy or forgotten. How many messages have you sent and how many times have you tried to call? She might be feeling a bit suffocated, it’s not even been 48 hours!

Do you have trust issues? Has she dropped out of a holiday before? It would annoy me if I had booked to go on holiday with a friend and clearly stated that I was fine with the holiday and friend was repeatedly getting in touch to check I still wanted to go ahead, let me know when the last date for cancellation is and kept trying to call and message me to confirm when I’d already confirmed I was going. Maybe all of this is giving her cold feet!

Unless you need any information urgently I would step back and give her a day or two to respond. It’s a busy time of year and she might not want to be thinking about airport transfers and train times etc the instant you message, she might need to wait until she has a chance to look them up herself for example to get back to me. Those kind of questions wouldn’t be things I could answer immediately.

Original poster
CakeMake · 03/01/2023 12:28

@LadyHarmby Fair enough. It’s just not like her to not reply or pick up at all. She asked me to organise it all and I just wanted to check she was on board with it. She is normally pretty glued to her phone.

OP posts:
rookiemere · 03/01/2023 12:29

Hopefully she is just really busy. It may be a family crisis or illness, in which case it may have slipped her mind.

I had to have a few awkward text chats to a friend about dropping out of a holiday. Her DM was in hospital so I was totally conscious about not harassing or upsetting her, but equally I didn't want to get stung paying costs myself for not confirming with her.

Hope you manage to get it sorted OP. It's a horrible feeling and I've resolved for all group holidays in future everyone needs to book their own thing or pay me upfront.

Original poster
CakeMake · 03/01/2023 12:30

@MolkosTeenageAngst That is a fair assessment. She has been flaky in the past but not when it comes to holidays.

OP posts:
Thereisnolight · 03/01/2023 12:30

Gosh OP I hope she gets back to you. People have flaked on me like this. I get annoyed, tell them so, and don’t arrange to meet them again. I’m told that I’m too uptight and should chill more. I probably would have more friends if I was more “chilled”. But I just wouldn’t want the hassle!

follygirl · 03/01/2023 12:30

Why don't you phone her from another number? She will be more likely to pick up.