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Penny pinching at Christmas

10 replies

Citycentre3 · 02/01/2023 22:37

I can't stop thinking about what happened at Christmas and getting slightly angry each time.

My niece's are both in their 20's now, my brother and I have a big age gap.

When my nieces were young I always bought them birthday and christmas presents, now that they are older I still spend around £25-£30 each at christmas. My two children are 5 and 1. My brother earns a lot of money but his wife sets him a tight budget on what he can spend on presents for each person on each side of their family.

When we exchanged gifts my sister in law and brother had spent around £12 each on both my children. When they opened their gifts it was obvious my budget was far more generous.

My sil obviously felt awkward, and started apologising to my children that she had not spent more, and proceeded to ask my 5 year old if she would have perferred more gifts or a different more expensive gift? I thought that this was a bit of a silly and inappropriate thing to say to any child.

As if that wasn't bad enough she then proceeded to tell my 5 year old that she had infact bought her more toys, but she was going to take them back to the shop, but she could perhaps have them anyway.

Anyway this is not out of character for my sil and she does tend to say outlandish and inappropriate things quite a bit.

None of us responded to this and I was hoping she would move on from the subject because it was frankly embarrassing.

She then sent me an extremely long message the next day as to what she should do about the extra presents she bought but did not give to my children?

I haven't responded, because I just feel that where children are involved this is in very poor taste. You either give a present or you don't, and fail to see the purpose of her very odd behaviour.

Has anyone else faced a similar situation and how did you handle it?

OP posts:
feministqueen · 02/01/2023 22:41

She obviously feels awkward that you've spent more and is trying to rectify that.

I suppose it depends on how you want to move forward with it. You could message her back and say, thank you that would be great- when shall we meet up?! Or you could say oh don't worry about it, they've had plenty.

It could be an opportunity for you to agree a gift budget with her so that moving forward no one feels awkward

Mamamia7962 · 02/01/2023 23:05

I agree with pp that your sil felt awkward. Why do you still buy for your nieces when they are in their 20s, surely they are both working now.

MeMyBooksAndMyCats · 02/01/2023 23:09

Why an earth do you still buy for your adult nieces? Surely they both work now.

Clearly she felt awkward you had spent more money and wanted to even it, I don't think she's done anything wrong.

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Alexandernevermind · 02/01/2023 23:12

I think in future you need to agree a budget to spend. It'll avoid any awkwardness in the future.

Citycentre3 · 02/01/2023 23:14

Mamamia7962 · 02/01/2023 23:05

I agree with pp that your sil felt awkward. Why do you still buy for your nieces when they are in their 20s, surely they are both working now.

I am questioning that myself. One is working, the younger other one is still at university?? My eldest neice and her boyfriend have been working 2 years now and have yet to buy a present between them despite still living at home rent free. I thought that perhaps their parents should have put them straight on that as they both regularly turn up to family events empty handed.

OP posts:
EddietheEagle · 02/01/2023 23:32

My brother did something very similar. I'm just as annoyed. He earns three times what I do, and yet he got my DH and I a £10 gift voucher... that's £5 each!

My DD had a box of chocolates wrapped up, which cost less than a fiver. I spent much more on him and my nephew.

I'm not bothering next year, it winds me up too much. I'm waiting until November time, then I'm going to tell him let's not bother exchanging gifts anymore.

UsingChangeofName · 02/01/2023 23:45

I agree with both the first two replies.

We've always worked to an (approx) budget for nieces and nephews.

My eldest neice and her boyfriend have been working 2 years now and have yet to buy a present between them despite still living at home rent free. I thought that perhaps their parents should have put them straight on that as they both regularly turn up to family events empty handed.

"Put them straight on that" ??? Hmm

I don't think it is your DB and SiL that need to say anything.
I have made it clear to all of my grown up nieces and nephews they must not get us anything and let's not get into the stress of trying to find presents for everyone.
We get Birthday and Christmas present for dns until they reach 21, then it stops. Otherwise it gets out of hand. We ertainly don't want them to then have to start buying for all their Aunties and Uncles.

Tamarindtree · 02/01/2023 23:53

It sounds like the SIL bought a lot of gifts for your children but then wrapping them up she thought she may have bought too much so held some back.

Then when she saw you had been generous with the gifts for her children she felt like embarrassed and clumsily wanted to make amends?

She should have said nothing to your children though and would have been better off by saying that she had ‘accidentally’ forgotten to being all the presents over!

🤷🏼‍♀️

Fleurdaisy · 03/01/2023 01:00

I can’t understand why your SIL bought more presents for your dc but didn’t give them ? Odd.
Yoyd think she’d have just spoken to you before Christmas, I’ve bought x y and z , is that too much?
Why not talk to her and set a budget for next year, can be more for kids, token gift for over 18s.

Sugarfree23 · 03/01/2023 01:10

She's obviously held stuff back. And felt embarrassed at you spending more on her kids.

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