I’m just posting here in the hope that someone has been through similar/ or has any words of wisdom.
I have always had a difficult relationship with my mother since as long as I can remember. She was over critical, nasty, abusive and just downright mean to me for a lot of my childhood right up to the last two and a half years. This may or may not coincide with me meeting my other half.
I was never able to share any worries or personal information with her or it would have been used against me. She would say horrible things to me like I had no friends, people laugh at me behind my back, I look horrible. The worst incident that happened was in my late teens when was feeling unwell and cold one evening. I filled a basin with warm water as my feet were freezing. She began to pour boiling water from the kettle on top of the already warm water and when I took my feet out as the water was too hot she got a wooden spoon and started hitting my legs with it and then started asking me if I was pregnant and why I was so fat. (I’ve never been more than a size 10).
All this really affected my confidence in every area of my life. I had no belief in myself and went through counselling for over a year to try build myself back up. Two and a half years ago I met my OH and for the first time in my life I felt loved, appreciated and we are so happy together. We talk about issues as we arise and treat each other with respect and common decency which was extremely absent in my home growing up.
On a side note my mothers awful behaviour was confined to home, in public she would have been a model member of society if that makes sense. Since meeting my OH she has not so much as raised her voice at me once. After years of being told I was lying to her, that I had no friends, nobody likes me, I looked awful etc etc this feels very strange to me. It’s like she knows I will tell my OH if she acts this way and is on her best behaviour as she would hate for anyone to know how she used to behave.
My issue is that I can’t seem to forgive or forget what happened over the years. I never once received an apology and yes while I understand she may have a mental illness, when you repeatedly upset and hurt another person and belittle them constantly you must take responsibility for your actions which she never did. Our relationship now is civil but I never share anything personal and am very protective of my relationship with OH.
Is it a case that now I am in a loving relationship and my eyes have been opened to “normality” that I feel cold towards her?
I then struggle with feeling guilt that I feel this way and beat myself up when I don’t want to visit too often or when I drove an hour back to my home Christmas Day rather than spend the night in my childhood home.
Ive been thinking and struggling over this for the last while and just wonder has anyone ever been through something similar.