NC for this. Sorry its long, life is just shit.
Context: High-pressure demanding job which is time-consuming inside of but also outside of work due to professional exams. Lost friends due to said job (just drifted due to needing to relocate etc). DH works hard too but not as hard as mine (neither does he earn as much). Parents are getting older and live far away.
Parents: Closer to one parent than the other when it comes to talking about problems/feelings. Both parents have recently said this emotional load is just too much for that parent and it keeps them up at night worrying about me. This is enough to make me decide not to burden them anymore.
Job: love is a strong word, but I do like it a lot. Spent a long time building up to this point, high satisfaction, will get better. Recently failed a professional exam though which hampers my opinion on everything at the moment.
Friends: Trying to be more of a "yes" person. Will try to reconnect with old ones.
DH: Nice guy but not a talker. I find this frustrating but if I raise this, he retreats into his shell more. So so so laidback its annoying. Doesn't tend to have an opinion on anything. His nature means I am forced to carry the mental load, do both of our life admin etc. If l take a step back so he makes his decisions, it almost always creates more work/ financially worse off. If we argue about something - he does not retaliate verbally or physically, which makes me angrier and angrier until I say something I regret. He'll says I'm being nasty. Then its really hard to go back from it. Or theres time's hell just get something like that in prematurely before I've said anything remotely unpleasant. Its all just a mess. Had a situation like this just now and have nobody to talk to. I just feel trapped. I have already tried to speak to him about this few times this evening in a perfectly reasonable way with no luck. The frustration made me step the line say something I regret now theres no going back. Just feel so suffocated.