How to host a party? Tips please

[Pipsquiggle]

Hi, I feel a bit ashamed writing this. I am in my mid 40s and have never hosted a party / drinks in my own home for friends - lots of reasons - moving to a new area, the pandemic, renovating the house .........but also because I am nervous about actually throwing 'a do'. I would like to rectify this 2023.

I am not talking about children's birthday parties BTW.

Mumsnet is full of social butterflies so just looking for lots of tips

First of all, should I have a party and invite families in the afternoon or an evening soiree for parents (we have primary age DC so most local friends are through school)?

Should I invite quite a few people (over 30 people) or a select gathering?

What works better - different groups of people of just 1 cohort e.g old friends + neighbours + school parents?

Food - what works well? I was guessing finger food - any suggestions?

Basically any tips of what works well or things that definitely don't.

Well what's the purpose of goal of the "do"?

Just to have a party and invite people round. It will be near my birthday so we could brand it a birthday party if that helps

Being similar to you, my most important tip is not to drink too much! I’ve only ever really had one party and I got so drunk I threw up and fell asleep before half the guests had even arrived Don’t do that.

If its a birthday party then you can invite different groups etc, if its just a do for the sake of a do, then it's probably better just one group -eg. School parent friends.

If the kids are coming, and that can be great fun for them plus parents dont need to worry about babysitters, then an afternoon into evening thing is best.

These aren't rules by the way, just my opinion!

We put on, and go to, parties like this, although I'm definitely not a social butterfly!

I host parties regularly at least monthly ranging from maybe 8 to 50 people

It depends on the reason for hosting it

If its just a drinks and nibbles thing I might have 10-15 people. Plenty of fizz beer and have the cocktail bar (an old trolly!) Well stocked
Lots of ice and limes/lemons/mixers and them party food buffer style

Just hosted NYE for 50 people again lots of booze provided but asked people to bring their own also
Cooked 2x large curries one meat one vegan, Indian nibbles and then nachos and party food for later and set up a karaoke machine and let people crack on!!

Is it more of a relaxed few drinks thing your after? If yes then plenty bubbles and beers for men. Gin vodka whiskey and mixers available and buffer food
Set everything out for arrival. Make sure any covers/lids are off food or no-one will eat. Music playing and go for it!

Buffet*

Probably sexist to say beers for men 🙄 just my group but beers for anyone Obviously

Plenty of booze and fizzy pop and mixers

Easy food like chips and garlic bread and Iceland party platters

Throw away cups, plates and napkins

Try if possible to keep everyone in one part of the house, like the kitchen and dining room

Put the radio or a Spotify playlist on but don't have it too loud so you can actually hear each other

Personally I’d start small with 10-15 invitees.

absolutely critical: don’t invite people who have form for being flaky (or only invite them as extras, over and above the core invite list).

important: pin people down as to whether or not they are coming. Eg send out invites in writing (email, text, WhatsApp) but follow up by phone.

Food and drink is the easy part really. But make sure there is plenty.

the two big pitfalls in any party are significant shortfall in attendance and / or running out of food and drink.

a buffet lunch could be a nice do, or afternoon into evening drinks. How about a tea and cake party (that kind of thing can tolerate a smaller group).

as people come in, introduce them to those who are already there.

people enjoy parties where they already know people so I’d keep the group relatively homogeneous or at least make sure every invitee knows one other.

Good luck! It’s a really nice thing to do. It is an art though so don’t expect to get everything right on the first try.

Be relaxed, keep it loose, mingle and make sure you get around to talking to everyone and make introductions so there aren’t people left out and the rest is easy peasy.

In terms of numbers:
Invite 4x the number of people you actually want to come
The more casual the event, the more likely people are to be flaky about replying or to do a no-show
If you make it family friendly then more people will be able to come but that will also make it more casual!

Also think about the kind of event that you actually want and will enjoy - do you want to have a more intimate affair where you can have proper chats with people or would you prefer a big buzzy party? Obviously the bigger the party the more social groups you can invite.

Consider the size of your home, number of seats you have, relevant, fridge space for food, chilling alcohol, will food be snacks (or at time of a meal).

maybe hire glasses, use paper plates etc for food, napkins for the occasion.
food that can be prepared ahead, ie sausage rolls, large cakes or tray bakes instead of say cupcakes.

cheese boards are good as they are quick to put together, had my first butter board NYE and was very impressed. I cut up French sticks, feed them back into the tube bag and twist shut closed so they are ready to tip out

I actually like cheese and wine parties as they are the simplest to arrange.

sainsbury’s do brilliant buffet food we’ve used a couple of times for significant birthdays parties, if live near Costco look at their buffet food, and maybe their desserts, cakes.

buy bags of ice from the supermarket

a slightly damp tea towel over a platter of sandwiches keeps them moist and fresh until ready to go out (and can sometimes revive them too if slightly dried out).

set up a tea and coffee station for those that want a hot drink so they can help themselves (if they are the sort of friends who don’t mind doing that)
I have a catering teapot but I do have the WI visit a lot.

if mixing groups of friends try not to have anyone on their own where rest of group are non attendees or make sure to introduce that person to other people you think they may fit in with if you think they might not be good at joining in on conversations

circulate, having a plate of food, nibbles etc or bottle of wine allows you to dip in and out of groups of people without feeling you can’t leave as you can use the excuse of filling glasses etc as part of hosting duties to move on. (If get caught, excuse me, need the loo, or, apologies need to check the oven (if got food coming out) is a good excuse to move away).

for teens I always do a huge batch of frozen chips which goes down well, I did chicken nuggets too which are nice cold too. Some nice ketchup and Mayo dips.

Try not to have too much to do during the evening so that you can enjoy it too, which sometimes means a smaller group is more enjoyable.

if splitting two group, ie afternoon and evening make sure the afternoon invite has an end time and give yourself a minimum of 1.5 hours between the two.

have a nice clean apron to put on in the kitchen when dealing with food and drink,

sort an outfit, hair and nails etc in advance of the day

if people ask to bring food desserts are a good request and then have a few in the freezer to top up.

if you have lovely furniture invest in drinks coasters, you can get paper ones and put lots out.

matches for cake candles (waft them out don’t blow).

@Ponderingtosk what's a butter board?

How do you manage not being able to invite everyone? My house is quite big but probably not big enough for everyone e.g. all the school parents.

I'd say do a small test run of kind friends (3 or 4 people is enough). Just invite them round for a few drinks and light bites. That way you can see what might be involved, where people choose to sit, get an idea of how much people eat/drink, test out what you'll serve. You'll be able to see what is faffy and means you end up spending too much time in the kitchen (individually mixed cocktails, hot canapes) and generally what works best for your set up.

it might be easier to have groups of friends/ family over first then invite kids & parents for one of the kids parties

Just my opinion but I wouldn’t go one of my kids friends birthday parties and would find it a bit off to be invited (sorry!)

Be prepared for loads and loads of drop outs 24 hours preceding. It’s soul destroying and has happened to me and all of my friends when hosting.

people are seriously flaky these days unlike my parent’s generation. And it’s just a text to say they are ill or whatever when it gets to about six pm and they can’t be arsed to wash their hair and put on a party outfit.

Tnh I don’t really bother now to host in that way. I don’t mind being the meeting point for a group that is getting together on its own volition eg a uni or old school mates meet up but not when I’m the soul instigator.

Be prepared for the fact it’s way more fun to attend a gathering than host it.

Arrange a cleaner for the next day. Buy lots of bin bags and serve any good on disposable platters. Hire wine and drinks glasses and arrange that you can return them unwashed as it makes it so much easier to clear up when you have a hangover and are tired!

Don’t do a butter board! It’s a grim Pinterest nonsense thing that involves everyone scraping butter off a bread board with random crackers and shit and is a bit grubby and unpleasant even though it’s all the rage supposedly!

ditto table platter with random grapes on top of salami.

More guests than indoors room only works in summer when you can spill out onto a patio and garden. If weather looks iffy stick up a gazebo.

Just relax and enjoy it. Offer people a drink on arrival and show them where they can help themselves afterwards. Introduce people who don't know each other ideally with something they have in common or have done/are doing then leave them to it. Have good music on but in the background and not loud. A few nibbles or food about 30/40 mins in.

Make food that you can freeze - don’t get it out at the same time- clingfilm the plates and then get them out one by one as the first buffet is being finished. Get parsley, coriander whatever to sprinkle over plates before serving

Make sure your soft drinks are “sexy” - put the lemonade in a jug with mint leaves - mix the apple juice with fizzy water and add pomegranate seeds / frozen raspberries or whatever

Either have a good playlist or a system people can cast too

Set up a corner where people can talk away from the crowd - if you have a garden a barbecue with marshmallows on sticks works well

Make sure you have a visible ashtray outside

Premix a cocktail or two in a bowl but make it with less alcohol than you would normally - make sure you have ladles

Label all dishes

Keep a good bottle stashed somewhere to take out later on in the party if you want to

Check the loo is clean ever so often and Make you have enough lol roll

Keep an activity stashed somewhere for children that you can bring out if needed ( coloring book with pens? Puzzle, game)

Set up a room ( or two if you have space ) for kids - one with a film on loop and a big bowl of popcorn - One with music, balloons, glow sticks.

Make sure you have enough bin bags

make sure you have tinfoil or boxes to offer leftovers to guests

Have the number of a local taxi firm to hand

leave a visible packet of aspirin or paracetamol in the bathroom

invite lots of people but make sure you have enough “stable” people you trust

make sure you have a bit of cash in case you need to ask a guest to run to a close shop to pick something up

Have herbal tea and cups to hand - when you’re fed up ask people if they want herbal tea - this is a queue to leave.

Make sure you have more napkins than you think you need

try and have everything ready a good two hours before kick off so you have time to get dressed into an outfit you like and have a quick nap\quiet time

If you have a Polaroid camera - leave it on a table with some accessoiries and see how it goes

Ask for help when guests arrive

We love a party! My top tip is to serve food that can be prepared ahead so that you don't spend your evening running around after everyone and you can actually enjoy the company of your friends. Have fun!

Food - something that can be eaten with one hand, or stood up. People will be holding drinks and I assume for bigger parties will be stood up a lot too.