12 yo tantrumming, getting physical, swearing and threatening to hurt himself

[Bunnyflop7]

I’m exhausted and I have no clue what to do.

my normally sweet and bouncy 12 year old is like Jekyll and Hyde. If he gets told no he flies into a horrific rage where it’s like he is a different person. He swears and shouts and rants and pushes me, and even mocked my appearance tonight during his rage (which was over not being allowed to stay up later to watch tv).

Suddenly during these rages he starts to cry and then may threaten say he wants to Jill himself.

Tonight I was exasperated again by one of these rages. I was really upset that he mocked how I look and then horrified by him saying about stabbing himself. I broke down in tears and then he started saying sorry over and over and that he didn’t mean it.

I don’t know what to do. He is fully able to behave himself at school (he has a spotless behaviour record) but at home the red mist comes down and all he’ll breaks loose.

just in case it’s relevant he also sleeps terribly (which we are seeing the dr about next week), is hugely anxious and has separation anxiety.

please help. I’m on my knees with it all.

I would definitely mention it to the doctor next week OP. Also it’s helpful to think of what could be triggering the behaviour. It hasn’t come from nowhere especially if it’s new behaviour and not an escalation of behaviour. What changes have occurred in his life since it started? Does he have a phone you can check for clues? Is he being bullied online?

My 13yr old DS was the same about this age, you have my absolute sympathy. He’d rage and rage, then burst into tears. He actually stormed out the house once which was terrifying. He’s calmed down alot now but I suspect it coincided with the onset of puberty and a big surge of testosterone he didn’t know how to deal with. We ultimately had to just ride it out, which isn’t much use to you I know. Plenty of sport helped as well, he was usually worse during school holidays when he was doing less than normal.

@Crunchingleaf i check his phone most days, there is nothing worrying on there, just jolly chats with his friends.

@edwinbear thw testosterone/ hormone thing is interesting. It’s like he can’t control his temper at all. I wish I knew how to handle it in the moment.

Puberty would be my guess, but I'd definitely see the GP.

How much time is he having on the PlayStation/gaming and what sort of games? DS would also be worse if he’d had too much time playing FortNite which I think is a ‘thing’. Is there any correlation at all? Not that it’s easy getting them off and we’d have rages when we said he’d had enough and time to do something else. He’s more into Fifa and car racing games than fighting ones these days, which has probably also helped.

@edwinbear due to shit weather and it being the holidays I’d say he’s had a couple of hours a day on fornite the last few weeks.