How to cope when DC are with other parent

[Fudgecookie4]

As title suggests, I’m looking for ideas of how to better cope when the DC age 14 & 11 are with exH. Been separated 3 years and it doesn’t seem to get much easier.

While I often yearn for the break, due to exhaustion of doing it all, when it comes I feel down and flat and miss the kids/am struck with guilt over the situation.
It is just so hard. Is it likely to get easier? We are amicable and have a roughly 60/40 split on time.

I haven’t met anyone else, so it’s just me when they are away.

I think it’s just a case of getting used to being alone and not having your life revolve around other people’s needs. What do you need/want for yourself?

Can you look for the good aspects of time alone and plan some adult things to do?

I have mine all the time (widowed) so I relish time away from my son and tend to do things like a grown up cafe and read a book, spa treatment, yoga class, use the jacuzzi at the local swimming pool, watercolour paint in peace etc - all the things I can’t do easily with him around!

Enjoy it? Find a hobby? Meet up with friends? My ex isn’t involved and I would give anything for a regular break, at those ages won’t be long before they are leaving home (it goes so quick) and they are probably out a lot with friends etc? So good idea to get use to being on your own and find someone for you rather than just being a mum

My ds 14 has been away for 5 days. I've deep cleaned his room, put up some pictures in his room etc.
I've parkrun, had lunch with some friends, been swimming, trimmed the hedges, cleared all the leaves and pruned the roses. Sorted some paperwork, ordered GHIC cards. Done my tax return.
I had a NYE cook up this morning, making soups and quiches and curry with all the bits of food and veggies left over from Xmas. He's at the hollow legged stage so he'll eat it all. 🙂

I find making a list of all the things I want to achieve helps.

I’ve been trying to save money so haven’t really felt like spending on myself and doing activities, but maybe I’m going to need to do that and plan more. I just tend to not do much and then feel down in the dumps. Winter is harder too.

Crikey, I'm the opposite. For me this is a lovely perk of being divorced. Plenty of non negotiable free time to do what I want with my friends/my hobbies/peace and quiet. It means I focus 💯 on my girls when they're with me, knowing I definitely get Fridays and Saturdays 'off'. My point is - reframe it and enjoy! Most parents would kill for a break!

yes, going by replies it seems that I’m a bit of an oddity in finding it hard… it’s not always so bad. I work term time, so I think that the school holidays sometimes just seem intense and if the kids are away for a few days, I feel a bit lost then. Everyone seems busy with their own families and I don’t have many friends locally as I’m fairly new to the area. I’m going to have to make more effort I think and plan, plan, plan…