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Original poster

Anyone else worrying about children being off school sick and work?

19 replies

voxnihili · 31/12/2022 16:52

At the moment my stress levels are sky high. My DD started reception in September (she was at pre-school / nursery before that). She’s been constantly ill although has mostly been fine at school with just 2 days off. She’s also had 2 days off for snow.

I am worrying so much about her getting unwell again and needing time off (or needing to be home for other reasons such as strikes) that it’s seriously affecting my mental health. DP says to not worry and we’ll just muddle through but I keep fearing the worst and that I’m going to need constant time off and I’ll have no job left by the summer. DP will do his share but my work are awful about it.

I know it’s a stupid thing to worry about but I just can’t help it.

Anyone feeling the same? Any tips on how to cope?

Thanks

OP posts:

Windtunnel · 31/12/2022 19:58

Just hang on in there op, you are not alone, you are part of an army of millions of people juggling priorities.

its not for ever, we can leave our youngest (11) alone if we have to if he's ill. Keep fighting and sock it to them - some employers are so unreasonable.

CleoandRalf · 31/12/2022 20:17

Do you not WFH?

upfucked · 31/12/2022 20:21

I’m a sahm now but my work weren’t especially understanding when DD1 was ill. It didn’t help that we didn’t have any family to do childcare so unlike colleagues either I or DH did it. DD2 attendance has been horrific, I think in the region of 25% in the last month. I was just thinking the other day how unmanageable it would be if I was still at work and how awful it is for people in this situation.

@CleoandRalf there are many jobs where you can’t work from home.

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Yummymummy2020 · 31/12/2022 20:24

It’s such a worry isn’t it! I have no advice as I worry too and my job are not understanding!

CatSeany · 31/12/2022 20:31

Yes, it's an awful worry. Luckily our nursery is quite good and only sends them home if they're really unwell. We both work shifts and they're at awkward times and quite intense in nature, so we've gone part time and work 33 hours a week each which means that there is some flexibility if they're off sick. For example, if they were off for a week, I would take two days off, my partner would take two days off and one of us would probably not be working the other.

SortinMyMH · 31/12/2022 20:33

They have to allow reasonable time for dependents being poorly.
Swap shifts or take unpaid is what i did.
It was hard as i was a lone parent at the time.

Now i wfh with our own business so makes no odds (one of the reasons we did it) as whatever i dont do, dh does and visa versa.

Could you look for a wfh job?

I appreciate many sectors don't have this option

RomainingCalm · 31/12/2022 20:33

I used to worry and the first 12 months at nursery/school were tough in terms of time off and juggling holidays/inset days/assemblies etc.

The best advice a friend gave me was to try not to plan or predict too far in advance - all you do is tie yourself in knots with the 'what if' scenarios.

Think about how you and DH can split the emergency childcare - you shouldn't be the default option. Employers are potentially more understanding if they see you making an effort to make up time, swap shifts, share the time off with DH, catch up out of hours if needed (although obviously that depends on your job).

SparkyBlue · 31/12/2022 20:38

@CleoandRalf obviously no the OP does not work from home. Surely you can understand this
OP I get it. I went through the same and I remember New Year's Day nine years ago being so upset that we were back to work and back to the same saga as DD was going through an awful phase of sickness. I totally empathise

bumblenbean · 31/12/2022 20:47

Yes I’m like this OP.

Admittedly I do have a phobia of vomit so that in particular is a constant worry in the back of my mind but I also stress about general illness, school attendance and the endless juggle. I always second guess myself when arranging future things in case someone is ill, which is ridiculous - I was never like this pre-kids…

DS started school this year and only had one day off which was much better than I was anticipating, but somehow it hasn’t reassured me and I’m finding myself wishing away the winter. No way to live when you’re on edge half the year 😆

megletthesecond · 31/12/2022 20:50

I spent a decade like this until both dc's went to secondary. Always had that fear someone would be ill and mess up everything and worse, make me ill too.

itsgettingweird · 31/12/2022 20:55

Have a read about emergency care for dependent and employment.

Employers can dislike what they like.

They cannot go against the actual law.

Lovetotravel123 · 31/12/2022 20:56

I worry about this in relation to my sick elderly parent. I am also trying hard to just take things day by day and not think too much in advance.

Original poster

voxnihili · 31/12/2022 21:14

Thanks for all the messages. Sorry to hear that there are others in the same position although it brings some comfort that I’m not alone.

Working from home is unfortunately not an option - that would be ideal if it was. I know that they have to give me reasonable time off but as I’m on a fixed term contract I know that this could contribute to it not being renewed.

OP posts:

kegofcoffee · 31/12/2022 21:15

I completely sympathise.

I have missed at least one day a week since September. I have 2 preschool DDs and at least one of them is unwell each week, then there's a nursery closure for one reason or another.

I've been trying to make it work, making up hours in the evening and weekends, using DHs breaks to cover meetings, and rescheduling any meetings I can't make.

Initially work were really understanding. But as times gone on I can tell that people are getting pissed off.

Plus, I personally can see the quality of my work slipping. I look back at things I've done in my overtired, stressed out, juggling 101 things state, and cringe at it.

Similar to you I'm now worried I'll end up out of a job. So, I'm constantly on edge waiting for the next sick day.

Hopefully it'll get better soon.

Allezallezallez2023 · 31/12/2022 21:17

Yes I worry given there’s already enough school holidays to cover

CurlyhairedAssassin · 31/12/2022 21:20

I'm with you, OP, even though mine are past that age now. I am disgusted that in our Western society we have reached this stage that we are raising the next generation and reduced to this guilt-induced stress and children suffer and for what? To pay over the odds for housing and bills and to just "get by". I have no answers but it's all wrong.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 31/12/2022 21:21

Lovetotravel123 · 31/12/2022 20:56

I worry about this in relation to my sick elderly parent. I am also trying hard to just take things day by day and not think too much in advance.

Yes, quite. Isn't the whole "Big Society" just a joke now, looking on a few years down the line. We can't afford to even help our own families never mind volunteer SPARE time to help others.

Stade197 · 31/12/2022 21:30

I was so worried about this, I started working when my boy was 15 months old so he went into childcare for the first time at the start of november and whilst he's never normally unwell within his first 5 weeks he got a cold, impetigo, oral thrush and conjunctivitis

Luckily my partner has a good shift pattern that allows him to be home alot and most of our boys illnesses were when partner was home so I only had to take just over a week of when he had impetigo

I'm on a 6 month probation so I'm really hoping I don't need any more time off for him 😬

itsgettingweird · 31/12/2022 23:00

voxnihili · 31/12/2022 21:14

Thanks for all the messages. Sorry to hear that there are others in the same position although it brings some comfort that I’m not alone.

Technically - by law - it shouldn't.

So if the job remains after the end of the contract and they don't renew it (and for example have it to a woman without children) you can challenge it.

Realistically though I think it would be almost impossible to prove and I'm sorry that that worry dogs you down daily.

Sometimes we think we've come so far with employment rights but it still favours men and fathers in many ways.

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