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Original poster

DS and kicking.

24 replies

Iceballoon · 31/12/2022 16:29

Hi

Not long come home from a walk with DS(6) firstly he wasn’t happy when I said it’s time to start walking back now he stood against the fence with his arms crossed, tried to take him by the hand and he kicked me, I ignored it!

After him refusing to walk, then walking very slowly, then walking at normal pace and stopping every couple of minutes we finally got home.

Then he decided he didn’t want to come in the house and kicked me again, I called OH then he run in the house and run straight upstairs.

I really don’t know how to deal with him hitting me, I’d never hit him back. It has started happening very frequently especially when he doesn’t want to do something.

Does any of you experience the same thing? And what do you do?

OP posts:
Original poster
Iceballoon · 31/12/2022 17:34

Anyone?

OP posts:
Rosa · 31/12/2022 17:38

Well if you dont tell him off or explain that his behaviour is not acceptable he will keep on doing it ! He at 6 should know that hitting or kicking is not what you do and when he does it he should be told so , its called testing boundaries and you need to put some in place or you will get kicked more often !

Marblessolveeverything · 31/12/2022 17:47

Well first I would be very clearly telling him it was not acceptable and there would be a direct immediate consequence. He is six not three. Why are you calling your DH? You are essentially telling your son you are not in charge.

Spambod · 31/12/2022 18:36

This is quite full on behaviour. I would talk to your dh and make sure you are in the same page and have a ban on screens for atleast 3 days to a week or other similar privilege. I would also really be keeping an eye on him as this is full on behaviour so what could be causing it. I find it a bit concerning that you ignored it, why not react with normal emotions, shock, anger, disappointment and then consequences etc?

CleoandRalf · 31/12/2022 19:14

Well what consequences have you put in place for this, and have you even tried to ask why he is doing this?

Id be putting logical consequences in place and going through the ‘wondering why’ process with him if he isn’t usually able to express why he is doing it.

Original poster
Iceballoon · 31/12/2022 20:55

Spambod · 31/12/2022 18:36

This is quite full on behaviour. I would talk to your dh and make sure you are in the same page and have a ban on screens for atleast 3 days to a week or other similar privilege. I would also really be keeping an eye on him as this is full on behaviour so what could be causing it. I find it a bit concerning that you ignored it, why not react with normal emotions, shock, anger, disappointment and then consequences etc?

Hello 🙂

Thanks for the advice, I do not know what is causing it. He only seems to be lashing out on me, he doesn’t do it to his friends at school or anyone else.

I ignore it in hope that he will stop doing it, but today it really really upset me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Iceballoon · 31/12/2022 20:56

@CleoandRalf

There are no consequences, I literally let him get away with murder!

@Marblessolveeverything

Yes true, it’s because he listens to OH.

OP posts:
aurynne · 31/12/2022 22:01

He won't do it to his friends at school because his friends would kick him back.

He won't do it to your DH because he wouldn't tolerate it.

He does it to you because you let him do it and get away with it. What are you teaching your DS really? You're teaching him it is ok to kick women because they don't defend themselves. Can you see how serious this is and what patterns can end up developing in his behaviour in the future?

Why do you let your DS kick you??

MissyB1 · 31/12/2022 22:15

I find it bizarre that you have not been giving consequences?!
Get Dh on board and clamp down hard on this violent aggressive behaviour - because that’s what it is. An immediate consequence every single time. Decide what would be effective and implement it.

CleoandRalf · 31/12/2022 22:16

Iceballoon · 31/12/2022 20:56

@CleoandRalf

There are no consequences, I literally let him get away with murder!

@Marblessolveeverything

Yes true, it’s because he listens to OH.

Why the fuck do you do that?

The shit parenting people admit to on here is pretty maddening at times

AnneLovesGilbert · 31/12/2022 22:18

Is this a joke?

Tamarindtree · 31/12/2022 22:39

Why did you ignore him the first time he kicked you?

Your reaction should have been one of horror at his violent behaviour so that he understands what he has done is alarming and not to be tolerated.

Original poster
Iceballoon · 31/12/2022 23:06

aurynne · 31/12/2022 22:01

He won't do it to his friends at school because his friends would kick him back.

He won't do it to your DH because he wouldn't tolerate it.

He does it to you because you let him do it and get away with it. What are you teaching your DS really? You're teaching him it is ok to kick women because they don't defend themselves. Can you see how serious this is and what patterns can end up developing in his behaviour in the future?

Why do you let your DS kick you??

I agree with you 🙁

I guess I allow it because I don’t know how to deal with it, I would never hit him.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 31/12/2022 23:21

Why have you twice said you wouldn’t hit him? Like your only two options are ignoring him physically attacking you or you physically attacking him in retaliation?

You have a voice. Use it “I won’t let you hit/kick me”. Get yourself some parenting books, listen to a podcast, read a parenting blog, find a parenting course. You’re letting him behave like this.

Is your partner violent towards you?

OllytheCollie · 31/12/2022 23:22

It's OK you don't have to hit him. And testing boundaries is totally normal for his age. But the point where he kicked you the first time was the time for your 'You DO NOT kick me' speech. Then turn your back and walk away. Find a bench or something safely within sight and wait for him to come over. He may be stubborn and this may take ages. The boundary he wants to test is how much can I express my frustration at being bored on this tiring walk by being really obnoxious, he only knows you don't like kicking, not why it is worse than whining or blowing raspberries or kicking trees for example. And the answer you want to show is there is zero tolerance for kicking people. None. As soon as he behaves well you can make up and be friends again. And you will probably have to do this lots of times. That's ok. Just find a place inside you that is the mother who gives zero fucks if you hate me right now because you need to know you can't hit and that is more important.

itsgettingweird · 31/12/2022 23:27

Firstly - do not engage when he walks quickly, slowly, stops etc. don't even notice - no eye contact and no words. Make the behaviour unnecessary because there's no reward.

So that includes when he refuses to move you just walking a little distance and watching cars go past or something until he decides to move. 2 reasons for this. He cannot kick you if you aren't within on physical assault distance and he then has to use the skills you say he has to get your attention with positive behaviours.

Same at home. Get home, open the door and walk in. He knows that's what's going to happen. If he choices not to follow you in then leave the front door open and choose not to notice Grin

Aside from this sit down when he's calm tomorrow and make use of it being new year.

Write some family rules. Make sure they include things like you listening to him as well. Have a list of consequences.

For example "if anyone in the X household hurts another person they will have no WiFi for 24 hours".

Then you again do not have to engage if he's physical. You just make sure he can't access the WiFi and simply say "you know the rules" and walk away!

CleoandRalf · 31/12/2022 23:28

Iceballoon · 31/12/2022 23:06

I agree with you 🙁

I guess I allow it because I don’t know how to deal with it, I would never hit him.

Show quote history

Are you honestly this clueless?

Original poster
Iceballoon · 31/12/2022 23:30

AnneLovesGilbert · 31/12/2022 23:21

Why have you twice said you wouldn’t hit him? Like your only two options are ignoring him physically attacking you or you physically attacking him in retaliation?

You have a voice. Use it “I won’t let you hit/kick me”. Get yourself some parenting books, listen to a podcast, read a parenting blog, find a parenting course. You’re letting him behave like this.

Is your partner violent towards you?

Because usually when a child hits their parent, the parent automatically hits back. I see this happen a few weeks ago whilst out in public.

I am not too sure why you’d ask if my partner is violent towards me, is yours?

OP posts:
Fireandflight · 31/12/2022 23:31

You're setting yourself up for many years of aggressive behaviour, if you don't do something about it now. It's not a choice between hitting him back or nothing. You put very firm consequences in place and let him know how totally unacceptable it is to kick.

Honeysuckle16 · 31/12/2022 23:43

You say you don’t know what to do in response to kicking, so take some time to think how to approach it. For example,

  1. Tell him straight away that there’s a no kicking rule in your family. Kicking isn’t allowed.
  2. Give him a consequence, for example, losing 10 minutes of tv time/whatever else he enjoys.
  3. The consequence should happen on the same day as the poor behaviour so your DS makes a clear connection between them.

At tv time, set a clock or timer and make him wait for the 10 minutes to pass. Remind him he broke the rule and so he’s lost this time. He may object but be firm. Tell him he mustn’t kick in future or he’ll lose more tv time.

As soon as the 10 minutes is up, let him enjoy the rest of the day and reassure him that he’s usually well behaved and follows rules, so won’t have to lose more tv time.

Spambod · 01/01/2023 00:07

Are you ok op? I mean that genuinely. Do you think you deserve this? Did you experience this as a child and this is why it may perhaps numb and shock you and you may feel unable to deal with it? You sound resigned to it and a bit sort of disassociated from it.

Original poster
Iceballoon · 01/01/2023 00:45

@Spambod

Yes, I’m fine 🙂

Happy new year!

No I didn’t experience any of this as a child, I was never hit by my parents and throughout my whole 27 years of existent I don’t recall anyone hitting me.

I just don’t know how to deal with it, I don’t quite understand why he does it to me.

I take the advice given here.

OP posts:
Nancydrawn · 01/01/2023 00:57

@Iceballoon

Because usually when a child hits their parent, the parent automatically hits back. I see this happen a few weeks ago whilst out in public.

No, OP, this is not what is usual. This is in fact abnormal, and bad parenting. I highly encourage you to read some parenting books. Your son cannot have no boundaries, and you have to discipline him; this does not, and should not, be physical.

PandasAreBlackAndWhite · 01/01/2023 01:09

He does it because he's a child. You need to teach him to behave better, that's your parenting job.

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