Do CFs miss you when you dump them?

[Salie68x]

Been reading lots of CF christmas thread and as above, wonder if they ever miss you, once you realise how much they are taking advantage, and you cut them off.
I had a colleague, who I thought wasa friend. She had twins younger than my child, and I helped her out loads with childcare. I gave her lifts in and out of work, because she didn't drive. Gave her lots of children's clothes, furniture and all sorts of household goods.

She used to come for meals regularly . These are all things you do for friends so I didn't mind and was always happy to help. She never offered me a penny or reciprocated hospitality or hilliard. She had a milestone birthday and I got her a lovely card and present took her out and paid for lunch. My milestone birthday was several months later.

She ought me a present I couldn't use, cos I was allergic to main ingredient, lavender, which she knew. It was in a really tatty box and I actually felt more insulted than hurt, and I realised that it was a very one-sided friendship and I was done. I stopped lifts took a massive step back and when I changed jobs, I never see her now.

I sometimes wonder if she ever realises how cheeky she was, and regrets her behavior, or whether she just misses the help and free lifts and things I gave her, or she has just moved on to some other mug.

In my experience cf don’t miss anyone - too self absorbed or too busy looking for the next sucker. Plus they always manage to make themselves the victim when anyone stands up to them and either confronts them about their behaviour or stops indulging them.

I suspect she misses the freebies but not you as a person. People like this don't really value people, just what they can get out of them.

Nah, they're far too self centred to register the loss or wonder why contact has died out.

Does it change anything if she does or doesn't? Chances are she will have found someone else to leech off.

They don't miss their victims and don't really regret their actions, bit they might try to reestablish connection again and pretend nothing happened.

I've often wondered this .

Having fallen prey to a couple of CFs over the years and then 'seen the light,' I did wonder whether they'd realised they'd been asking too much and that they should have done something about their behaviour but the two 'friends' that I'm currently thinking of don't seem to have had any doubts as to their behaviour.

With both of these people, with hindsight, I think that I was groomed for want of a better word.
The friendships started out very amicably and lots of give and take on both sides and both of them were incredibly friendly and caring and seemed to have very similar outlooks to mine.

What stands out , now, is just how extremely lovely they were to begin with. Very complimentary, helpful and just so lovely.

However, as time passed, I began to notice things like eg, needing too many lifts, the ever broken washing machine, tumble dryer , the forgotten purse etc...

With the last CF, I started to withdraw from her and make excuses. A mutual friend noticed this and asked me why. I was honest and told her about how one sided I felt that the relationship was. Needless to say, she then seemed very relieved and offloaded about how much she had been used too.

Both of us had decided to give her a wide berth but the CF just didn't seem to notice or care really. And after various conversations with other mutual friends it became clear that she knew she'd used up her friendship credit and just moved onto others.
After a number of years now, she's still at it with new victims.

I'm not sure they feel any guilt, more that they are just trying to get through life with as little effort or expense to themselves.

I have one that every so often messages me saying she misses me and we should get together. I will say yes and to let me know dates, venue etc….. This never actually happens as she wants me to do all the hosting and organising! I have managed to cut her out guilt free as she is so lazy!

I have another one who always tried to use me for free childcare. We lost contact during covid and I realised what a user she was. It was always “my child wants to see yours can I drop her round”. She never actually wanted to hang out with me. We bump into her occasionally and it’s pleasant but awkward. She is always still angling for a meet up. However my child now doesn’t even remember the friendship as it’s been so long!

I have a subsection of CF friends who are chronically late or disorganised people. These are people who are often over an hour late or are constantly trying to change plans last minute or always have a last minute crisis. They are not bad people but just really really annoying. I have stopped seeing anyone like this as well. I don’t think they have noticed as they are so chaotic!!!!!

As other poster said no because they are self obsessed and paint themselves as the victim also they will have moved onto some other mug . In my experience people like that don’t had friends just people that are useful to them . Don’t give her another thought op .
I suspect if someone said oh why aren’t you friends with @Salie68x she will just say I’ve no idea .

Oooh great thread!
Ive cut quite a few people out of my life over the years for being cf and taking me for granted.

It's nice to be generous whether gifts, hospitality or time, but not when it's expected or demanded.

I'll give a warning or put some boundaries up, but if that doesn't work I can be quite ruthless.

Unfortunately kindness is often mistaken for weakness - I've had this with boyfriends too.

My experience of CFs is that they are actually quite angry when you stop dispensing goods and services to they feel entitled to and then become reliant on. The entitled CFery is usually just thoughtless selfishness but in some cases it is underpinned by a deep resentment.

Yes @gettingolderandgrumpier you are spot on! They see themselves as victims.
That was definitely the case with my most recent. I felt sorry for them.

Need to toughen up I think.

No, they don't. SIL is a CF. She has no friends. Occasionally she gets someone on the line and plays them for a while but when they dump her they were "jealous" or "spiteful" or some other nonsense. When I speak to DB she often comes over and stands between us with a weird stepford wife grin on her face. This Xmas eve I was a bit tipsy and said "Oh give over will you, and sort of maneuvered her out of my way" she kept the grin and asked everyone in the room "what is wrong with Buck, what is wrong?" on autopilot. The next day I got a text from DB asking if I was depressed 😂More fool him and all who fall for the CF I say. I keep thinking about when I moved her out of my way and cracking up 😂

I think they are aggrieved in the short term but then just move on to the next victim.

Am currently gently disengaging from a CF. From her conversation, she's well aware that people have cut her off and moved away from her friendship but she has absolutely no idea why, and she's pretty angry at them all. She genuinely doesn't seem to see the common thread!

We're in the same social group (a SEN group for the DCs) so I cannot alienate her or be seen to be a bad guy. But she wants more and more.

I asked her about her lack of personal boundaries once - asking for a lot, being VERY pushy about lifts, visits, childcare, housework.... she was incapable of understanding. She just kept repeating that people were free to say no if they wanted to - she says no herself all the time, so she can't understand why other people don't. It's because she doesn't fucking listen to no!!!!