Please help me stop catastrophising

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Quick background summary: NC with mother for 1.5 years (emotionally abusive all my life, treats other family similarly and has no friends, relatives who talk to her etc). She has made my life a misery, I can't even look
at photos of her without feeling both angry and anxious. Tried to maintain relationship with dad but she intercepts everything. Invited dad several times to come and visit me and today is the first day, in 1.5 years, that he has time to visit. Time and distance is not a problem IMO - retired and 1 hour away.

Coming on to today, in the past my dad has said he will not visit without my mum. When I keep asking him if mum is coming, he won't give me a straight no - he says she knows my wishes and I should not worry about it. I'm worrying that there's going to be an ambush and I will be guilted into letting her come in. Or that she is going to stand outside our living room window staring in (she's done that in the past). Or that she is going to be 3 minutes away and I can't leave the house to go to the playground or supermarket (all 3 min walk away) for fear of bumping into her. The fact he is being opaque about it makes me feel uncomfortable - why can't he just say "no she's not coming" ? He / they will be here in about 1.5 hours.

Unless he can say 'no, of course she isn't coming I'm respecting your wishes' I would cancel the visit. If it's too late to do that hide when he arrives, make sure she's not in the car, if she is don't open the door to him.

Visit lasted 30 mins when it came out that my mother is 3 mins away, parked outside the playground and on the way to the supermarket, and that I can't leave the house without bumping into her, and he couldn't understand why I couldn't just forgive as the last 30+ years are just a misunderstanding. He left our house at that point to go back home. I'm not going to see him again. Can't believe this is what he did to me after 1.5 years of waiting.

I'm sorry this happened.. I think if he couldn't commit and respect your boundary from the get go he wasn't going to.. I'm sorry

Thank you. I feel devastated. I had been asking him to come for 1.5 years. My son kept asking why he's going already. He brought Christmas gifts for us, all in my mothers hand writing. His gift for me was a massive photograph, expensively framed, showing a row of individual family portraits photographed together, with a photo of my mum in it as well. It was massive. He couldn't understand why I wouldn't want to hang up a photo that includes my mum. He brought with him a lot of food my mum had cooked for us. He couldn't understand why we wouldn't want it just because it's from my mum. I have lost him forever.