Going sober and facing criticism

[Rayn22]

I don't have a drink problem. I don't crave alcohol but I like to have a drink socially.
However, I am so fed up of feeling rubbish from drinking. I am feeling it at the moment as had a lot in a short space of time. Alcohol does not agree with me. I can't sleep, get migraine and knocks me out for days.
I want to go sober but scared to do it as feel that I won't have a good time. Silly I know but the thought of never drinking again. That first sip of wine on holiday for example makes me feel abit sad.
I am 49 and still succumbing to peer pressure as everyone keeps telling me I don't have a drink problem (which I don't) and they think I am overreacting.
I want to stop but also feel like I will miss out! Any advice on how to get past that?

Your post really resonated with me because I was feeling just like you 3 years ago. I just didn't feel that the headaches and anxiety after a night out were worth it anymore and now am nearly 3 years alcohol free 🙂
First I recommend not talking about this to your drinking friends, they don't want to lose their drinking buddy and it will also shine a light on what they are doing. If you would like to connect with other sober curious people then try soberistas or Bee Sober etc. Just pretend you are on medication etc for a while.
In the meantime read lots of "quit lit" (The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober is my favourite but there are loads), focus more on how much better you feel each day and don't think about the future things.
When you mention that first sip of wine on holiday, the alcohol won't have reached your brain yet so it is just an association. Play it forward and think how you will feel later on in the night and the next day.
I have made some wonderful new friends by stopping drinking and my life is so much bigger than it was before.
Wishing you the best of luck x

I'm saying this gently, but I actually think you do have an alcohol problem. And if those around you are telling you that you don't, perhaps they don't like having to think about whether their relationship with alcohol is healthy or not.

Good luck stopping @Rayn22 - just remember that this is your choice, and that it's nothing to do with your friends and family. And you'll still have fun, I promise.

I think I could develop an unhealthy relationship with alcohol if I let myself - this is just based on drinking socially when younger, and noticing that everything feels that little bit fuzzy after a glass of wine in the evening. So, I just don't drink at all anymore 🙂. I don't think there are any downsides.

Love both your responses Thankyou.
You are right it is the association. I like the idea of drinking but don't enjoy it and my drinking buddies are already been critical.
It is extremely hard as any occasion is a meal out with lots of wine and I know it will be tough as I will be the only one not drinking but I need to think bout me me not who I am disappointing by not drinking. Will definitely read some blogs! I read sober is the new black when I toyed with the idea a few years ago. Fab read if anyone thinking like me!

I stopped drinking last year. I started again though in the July but I'm now back on the wagon, as it were. I don't believe I have a problem as in I don't crave booze but I'm a terrible binge drinker once I get the taste for it (I can just have one or two but it depends on my mood) and I cannot handle it and spend days after full of regret. Most people supported me but I was surprised at some of the comments I got, why would you not drink, I can't imagine not drinking. What's the point in alcohol free beer weee just some of the comments I got and I felt rubbish and weak that I couldn't be like that. Thing is I suffer with anxiety and take a tiny dose of AD's so alcohol is even more dangerous for me. I get where you are coming from. Maybe we can help each other?

Were not weee

I don't drink, haven't for years because I don't like how it makes me feel, I had my teen/20s crazy nights out and big hangovers like most people but towards my late 20s when it started taking longer to get over the night before I realised I didn't really enjoy it anymore.

I just started having Diet Coke, if anyone asked what I wanted I said Diet Coke, if they asked why I said that that's what I wanted. Just shut it down, don't get into an explanation, if they tell you that they know you want a drink just say 'no I don't' and move on to another conversation. They get over it pretty quick and stop bothering you.

I’ve cut down on alcohol a lot over the past few months - I can’t have more than one drink without having a headache the next day. I’ve taken to staying off the booze if I’m out and if I do want a drink later, I’ll have one at home - more often than not I’ll end up making a tea instead. I’ve been pestered a bit by friends, I just say - No, I want a clear head because I’m doing xyz tomorrow, don’t want a headache etc.

When I first stopped drinking, I pretended to order gin and lemonade at the bar. It was lemonade. I'd always just buy my own drinks and order quietly. My friends were a big drinking bunch and I knew I'd get questions and I really didn't want them.

It took about 9 months for them to realise I wasn't actually drinking and that nothing had really changed. It was fine.

I don't drink because I can't have one glass and enjoy it, I need three bottles. I'm not an alcoholic in the sense that I can't go months on end without a drink but I always overdo it and even when I don't, I feel like crap the day after.

The peer pressure on alcohol really pisses me off. On the 23rd I went out with friends which was great until one person wanted to finish the night with shots. I said an outright no as I had to organise last minute presents for the children, Christmas dinner, carol service etc etc on the 24th and I just didn't want to feel like crap all day.

But I certainly got some stick for saying no.

Hi 👋 as a recovering alcoholic myself 4 years sober… You have.a problem…. Plain and simple. And it won’t get better either.

Ger a handle on it now before it becomes uncontrollable. And the affects will be telling.

if you’re feeling this way now… You most definitely have a problem.

There’s a great website called Sober recovery and it’s awesome for people with drinking issues. Check it out ok.

Best of luck to you 👍

Thanks for all your responses. We have a massive holiday planned next year with friends who are all heavy drinkers and I don't know how I will handle it! I will be the only one not drinking and it will piss me off been round them when they are drunk! I think I do have a problem as it has become an issue not drinking! I know I will feel better but I feel a pang of sadness too to be giving up! Got to look at what I am gaining not giving up!

I just remember what alcohol was making me look like which is enough of a motivator for me.

As we become older, continued excess of alcohol use will age you faster considerably the longer you drink. Not to mention the weight gain also.

There are healthier trade offs to alcohol believe me. You’ll find them.👍