I’ll never have a relationship with my niece, will I?

[pastayeti]

My sister (31) is pregnant with her first baby, a little girl. Due late April. If this is relevant, we live on the same housing development 3 streets away probably a 5 minute walk tops.

She is extremely manipulative and narcissistic, compulsively lies and needs the attention to be on her at all times. I am concerned about her and have been for a long time but she continues to treat me (and others) badly. There is no emotion behind her eyes when you communicate with her. I didn’t want to spend time with her over Christmas and she told me there was ‘an awful lot riding on our ability to get on’, ergo, threatening my relationship with my niece will be compromised unless I spend more time with her.

I am heartbroken at the prospect of no relationship with my soon-to-be niece. I don’t want to be the aunt who is not present, or the sister who wasn’t there for her sister when she needed support the most. I can’t imagine not being a big part of this baby’s life.

As mentioned we live so nearby it would be hard to reduce contact and no part of me wants to do that. Has anyone had a similar situation and managed to maintain a relationship with their DN whilst not getting along with their sibling, or do I have to come to terms with all the guilt of not being there?

If you don’t like your sibling then why on earth would she facilitate a relationship between you and her child?
It doesn’t matter if you think she has a personality disorder. If she knows you don’t like her she’s not going to want you around her baby.

People will probably tell you have no 'right' to spend any time with your niece.

Whilst that's true, I can see why you're upset but given everything you've said about your relationship with your sister (and yes I realise we only have your side of it), it's unlikely to work if you two spend much time together and could actually make things much worse for the future.

I think it’s totally irresponsible to let your children grow close to people you don’t like and don’t like you, so if that’s the relationship then I doubt it’s in anyone’s interest to play act.

I managed it by biting my tounge, hard.

I think you need to come to terms with the fact that you won't be the aunt you envisaged you would be.

You don't wish to spend time with your sister and you don't like her. She is this baby's mum.

Its sad, but it happens.

I have no relationship with my nieces. Massive fall out with sister for many reasons. It would be very odd to have a relationship with them when sister and I are NC.

My brother doesn't talk to me and a result he has no relationship with my ds. That's just the way it goes

I barely have a relationship with my niece for this reason.

I don't want to bond with her for her then to be used as a tool to manipulate/control me or a stick to beat me with.

I also knew that fault would constantly be found with what I did no matter how small.

Weigh your pros and cons and consider your feelings as a whole, not just your desire to be a good aunt.

Is it worth the price you would pay? For me there were too many pitfalls

I don’t facilitate relationships with my DC with people I dislike or who dislike me. Why would your sister let you near her child when you throw all of those labels at her? She would set herself up for a massive fall with her own child to help you have a relationship with them.
I have family members like how you describe your sister is. I stay away from both them and their DC, it’s better for everyone.

Of course she's not going to let you see her baby if you don't like her or want to spend time with her!
What did you think would happen, she'd just hand her daughter over to you?
She's right, you do need to get along with her if you want a relationship with her child. Although if I were her I'd keep my daughter away from people that don't like me.