Advice on splitting with controlling husband

[Andjustlikethatihad2023]

We've reached the end of the line and I can't cope with living with him anymore.
He's accused me of having an affair for weeks/months now and I'm drained with trying to defend myself as I've done nothing wrong. He's even checking up on me with car parks as to where I've been. I'm exhausted.

I've asked him to leave but he's refused. We have a ds who's almost 4 years old. I work part time from home and he works full time out the house.
I have nowhere to go, my parents don't have a spare room but his mum still has his bedroom set up exactly as it was before he left home. She's only there 50% of the time anyway so would make more sense for him to leave but he refuses because he pays the bills here.

I can't live like this anymore but not sure what I can do to get him to leave. Any advice please?

Similar experience here - I slept in the kids room as I couldn't bear to be near him but he wouldn't go back to his parents as it was too far. All my reasonings for it being the best move fell on deaf ears because it wasn't what was best for him.

At the time I was a SAHM and had no funds, no options and felt absolutely hopeless.
I spoke to a women's helpline about the mental health side of things and they were very helpful, so that may be an option just to talk through it with someone independent?

I spoke to the council and got on the housing list and through pure fluke I was homed within a month (he hated this and thought I had preplanned it all). I literally took only my things and the kids essentials and built everything up from scratch. But it was all mine this time and I won't give it up for anyone.

It's been several years now, I love my house, I have a fantastic job and we coparent well. Things are still weird in some respects - he still wears his ring etc - but things are a lot better for me and the kids now and I'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I just need to get divorced now 😂

Take one thing at a time, make a plan and take it in bitesize bits. There are always options. x

Well done on making the decision to end your relationship.

Are you renting, and if so in whose name? Or is the house owned and by whom?

If he is accusing you of nonsense eg. affairs, what else is going on? If he is demanding evidence of where you have been, what you are doing etc. then that is coercive and controlling behaviour. You can contact the police who will arrest him and remove him. You can get a non molestation order to keep him away.

We have a mortgage in joint names but he earns the most by far.

Good advice from Gilead. It could be helpful to contact womens aid too for advice and support

Find a good solicitor and start talking through divorce process

It doesn't matter they he earns more than you - minimum half the equity in the house will be yours, plus his pension etc.

He can either stay in the house and buy you out - so you can start again; or you stay and he moves out and pays maintenance

He will hate it I know, but he doesn't get a choice. If you think this could send him violent, call Women's aid for advice first

He sounds exhausting - you will be well rid