I just don't know where my life is going anymore

[JustNeedSomeGuidance]

Sorry to post this on chat, not really sure where to post and don't need the harshness of AIBU when I already feel so down in myself. Long time poster, just a NC.

I'm in my early 30s, married to a man whom I'm happy with, two DC one with a moderate learning disability who attends specialist education. I also have disabilities and on the spectrum which effects my social skills I'm not great at conversations. This is relevant.

6 years ago DH wanted to move closer to his family. So we moved from my entire support network.
Soon after moving his mother and sister fell out and she decided to go NC with us all including my sons and move away despite me and DH not being involved in the drama.

DH has friends where we live it's a tiny little village, but I don't.
I used to have a few friends but one basically used me and when I clicked on she started spreading rumours about me around the place and people fell out with me. (Childish I know. I don't have time for people like that.) I can't even avoid this person as she works at one of my DCs school and is always around reminding me of what happened.

And now it's really effecting me badly.
My mental health has nose dived, I may be neurodiverse and enjoy my alone time but it's not nice being shut off the world with nobody to talk too.
I've spoken to DH and basically said I would like to move where my parents have moved too.
They moved after we left, and now live in a village with four lots of my family members and a twenty minute drive from my extended family and they are all very close.
My DC love my family very much.
They try and include them both in everything they do I.e take my eldest with learning disabilities fishing which he loves, nice things like that and are always devastated when we leave to go home.

DH doesn't want to move from his friends nor leave his mum on his own.
Who also is a bit of a user - she turns up every day for dinner and then doesn't do anything in return to help like wash up, babysit (which makes it harder for me as DH can go out in the evenings to see his friends but I can't go along to meet them as no sitter!) etc.
I also have the issue of dc being settled in his specialist school and I know Itd be difficult to transfer to a new specialist school in a new county.

I just don't want to spend another year depressed out of my mind.
I don't know how to go forwards and get happy again.
I have hobbies like reading & crafts, and really wanted to start some clubs around here that are set up for that and for disabled people like myself but I'm terrified of going on my own as I'm not great at conversation!

I don't really know what I'm asking, I guess im just hoping someone else has been in the same position as me and has turned their life around and can give some guidance.

Hi OP

I don’t have much advice but wanted to just say that I know how you feel and to offer a virtual hug.

My situation is different in that I’m a single parent with two DC. My eldest also has various SEN and has just been accepted to a school that does mainstream curriculum but for DC with ADHD/ASD. It’s amazing he’s got a place but like you it makes me feel very trapped as these schools are few and far between and getting a place is difficult ( and seems very scary to give up one you have!).

Im also a bit trapped as my DC want to stay near their Dad so he is part of their life. He has a new family and would never leave the area he lives.

Have you tried talking to your DH really honestly about how you are feeling ( if possible - I understand this maybe difficult for you). Rather than being negative about his family/the village perhaps focus it on you, how you find things difficult and how much you are struggling so he doesn’t get defensive?

If moving really is impossible then i think
you have the right idea in trying to join some clubs/groups. Identify just one, ideally that is easy to get to and give it a go. You will be surprised how many people are also anxious and not great at small talk!

I mean what are your actual options?

If he won't go with you would you go on your own?

What reason did he give to move away from your support and is his support more important than yours?

I couldn't leave and go on my own, I've thought about it and told him this and he said he'd come with me as he'd have no choice but I know it'd make him miserable so it seems pointless. Also my dc would not want to leave their dad behind.

We moved because ironically of his own mental health, which has now stabilised and he's in a much better place. No point moving to be in the middle of the families as he doesn't drive and I don't want to move somewhere I don't know again not after this epic f* up. It just seems unfair to me that he can go out and do nice things, see friends & I can't do any of that as no sitter (he won't leave dc with a registered babysitter due to their disabilities) and I can't leave the kids with him as I have nobody literally nobody to go see anyway.

You seem to already be out of options as otherwise he wouldn't be happy.

Can he not learn to drive?

I've been trying to get him to learn to drive for years, due to my disabilities I can't drive far and soon won't be able to at all even with all the mod cons and adaptions.

That's what I mean I can't see a way forward, there's no options for me in life. Waiting for my kids to leave school is another 10 years. I just feel immensely trapped.

Perhaps you need to just move then. And if he wants to come then he will do what he can and learn how to drive instead of relying on you.