Feeling Lonely

[Lofari]

Hi lovely mumsnetters.
Could do with some positive words. I have 3 DC, youngest is disabled and has severe additional needs. Totally non verbal. I love him to pieces but he isn't an easy child.
We have no family support so it's just DH and me. Here's my issue. He's worked a lot over Xmas. He literally got the big day itself off and that's it. I'm struggling at the moment with depression and feel like I'm having to fake a smile all the time for my older ones and I'm exhausted. Older DS is 16 and has definitely noticed.
Over the festive period I've been sent lots of pics of friends having fun at various gatherings (none of which we were invited to) and it's stung. My parents are visiting today but only because I asked them too.
Surely I shouldn't have to ask for a bit of company?
Sorry for the rant and thanks to anyone who got this far.

Hi lofari,

I couldn't help but reply. I am so sorry you are feeling so down, unfortunately sometimes the festive period can prompt these kind of feelings in us and we are told constantly "it's the most wonderful time of the year" which will also spark guilt.

You are a mother yes, but also a human being so don't beat yourself up. It won't break your children to see you being human. It sounds as though you have a lot going on and need support. Maybe that painted on smile you're using is more convincing than you realise and that's why you're having to reach out. My advice, tell your parents or a close friend how youre really feeling.

I hope you start to feel some joy soon! There are few certain things in life.. But things always get better, eventually! 🥰

I don’t think anyone could blame you for feeling down - few appreciate the stress of caring for a child with high support needs something that won’t change or “end”. You put your own needs on hold. Is there a parents/carers support group near you? I’ve made some friends through that. Do you think that would be a small step you could take? Why does DH work so much - can that change at all?

Feel the same this Christmas. Single mum to autistic dd10 with no help either. This Christmas the wheels have really come off and she has just wanted to sit in a dark room with her iPad. I've been desperate to get out the house and do things but she point blank refuses. Girls her own age are doing so much more it breaks my heart and makes me very depressed.

Sorry that sounds really tough.

Surely I shouldn't have to ask for a bit of company I think you absolutely do need to invite people over. I think a symptom of being lonely is finding initiating contact with people really hard. It is definitely worth it to push passed all the obstacles in your way to reach out though.

Thankyou all for your kind words.
I have told my parents and close friends how low I feel, but nothing changed and I don't want to be a broken record.
To those of you in the same boat I'm sorry. Christmas does tend to bring it to the surface doesn't it

Sending hugs. I have three kids and two have additional needs. Youngest is severely disabled so Christmas looks very different to us and this time of year it feels really hard.

I don't have children to care for as you do but am sending you my best wishes. I think the build up to Christmas can often end up very disappointing. I understand how you can feel.lonely. I have friends but am going through bereavement at the moment. One if my friends told me I seem to.spendva lot of time on mumsnet to which I told her I was lonely. Some people will ask how they can help,others won't. Is your routine very different over Christmas? Are u ususlly able to get interaction in 'normal' times? I find when I am off work things are more difficult. When u are back to your normal routine can u see if u coukd fo something for u to reduce the loneliness? It is more common than u think. Hand hold. Good luck.

Thankyou all.
I am in counselling but that won't resume until the kids go back to school.
To those of you with disabled children too.......isn't there a lot of pressure at Xmas? We had to take the tree down on boxing day too as by then DS had well and truly had enough of it

Feeling Lonely

I am currently on maternity leave with my 3rd child. I am finding maternity a lot harder this time round. I had my son a few years ago and I lost friends they only wanted to stay around to get a picture with him and then they left. I joined baby classes but I just felt really nervous. I found it hard to have no one to talk to other than my husband an family.

For my husband I felt like nothing has ever changed for him since we’ve had kids he just arranges nights out with his friends or work and it’s fine because I’ll always have them. He goes to work everyday and sees people but I’m at home with 3 kids who all demand my attention. I feel guilty for not being able to spend time equally or being able to drop what I’m doing with the baby to do something for the other 2. I feel like I’ve got so much to do around the house but I can’t get it all done, I just want to spent time with the kids.

I had my daughter during covid so maternity was very lovely again and now I’ve just had my 3rd child it’s harder because of how close they are in age and it’s not easy to go out for days out when my husband is at work. I feel like I’m letting them down. I have mum guilt that playing in the house isn’t enough. That I should be taking them out more especially over half term. I feel like a bad mum.

Then I feel abit of jealousy with my husband that he does get to go out and I’m at home not doing anything. I’m just mum/wife/daughter I don’t remember who I am anymore.

@Katieleigh4 you need to start your own post?

Sorry didn't mean to post so quickly that sounded very rude!! I meant maybe if you start your own post on a new thread you'd get more replies.